Page 28 of Fighting the Darkness

Chapter Thirteen

Freya

ClimbingoutofmySUV, my entire body protests the movement, and I groan. Everything hurts.

The worst part is that I know Soren went easy on me. If I already hurt this much, how bad am I going to hurt after an actual workout? At least I know what I’m getting myself into, I guess.

I shuffle through the garage and into the house, wincing with every step. I have no idea how the hell I’m going to get up the stairs, but once I figure it out, I’m going to climb straight into the tub. I’m fairly certain I have Epsom salt I can add to it. Surely, after a long soak I’ll feel better, right?

“Freya?”

I jump at my mom’s voice, hissing as the pain radiates through my entire body. Grimacing, I turn to face her.

“What happened to you, Freya? Are you okay?” Mom rushes over, reaching for me, but pausing with her hands an inch from touching me.

“I’m okay, Mom, I promise. I just started working out again today, and my body is protesting.”

A small smile forms on my mom’s lips. “You left the house and went to work out?”

“I know it’s hard to believe, but yes.”

“I’m so proud of you, honey.” Her eyes mist with tears, and I hate seeing her like this. I know I’ve been hurting her, no matter how unintentional it’s been. “That’s twice in a week. I know it might not seem like much now, but every little bit helps. Before you know it, leaving the house won’t be so hard.”

I nod, not sure how else to respond to her words. “I’m sure it’ll make you happy to know I’ll be leaving the house most, if not all, days for the unseeable future. Oh, and I’ll be going on a nutritional plan soon. I’m supposed to get it tomorrow. I’m sorry, I know that’ll cause you and Cook more work—“

“Oh, that’s just fine, honey. Cook and I will be more than happy to make anything you need.” Mom pulls me in for a hug, making sure not to squeeze me too tight. For a moment, I just stand there before closing my arms around her, eyes falling shut. I can’t remember the last time my mom hugged me like this, and I never want to leave.

“I’ve been so worried about you, honey. I know you have to deal with the loss of Freyr in your own way, but I was so afraid I was going to lose you, too. I didn’t know what to do to help you. You’ve been wasting away right in front of my eyes, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.” I can hear tears in my mom’s whispered words. Guilt hits me square in the chest.

I don’t think there’s anything I could have done to prevent the events of the last six months. I was just too lost in my grief, but I hate that I made my mom feel like this. She didn’t deserve this.

“I’m sorry,” I manage to choke out, now fighting tears of my own.

Mom pulls back, lifting her hands to cup my face. “No, baby. Don’t apologize. I know it’s been hard for you, and you’ve been doing the best you can. I just hope you never have to watch your children fading away before your eyes, knowing there’s nothing you can do to help them.”

Tears spill down my cheeks as I stare at my sobbing mom. I can’t imagine what she’s been going through. First losing Freyr, and then watching me lose myself. Not to mention the issues she’s had with my dad. I still don’t know why she’s staying with him, but I can’t find it in me to ask. She’s hurting enough already. I won’t make anything harder on her.

“I promise I’m trying, Mom. I really am.” I sniffle. “I found a gym and found a trainer. They’re going to get me to a healthy weight with the nutrition plan, and then I’m going to get in shape. Tomorrow, I’ll start looking for a therapist.”

“I can help you with that.”

I shake my head. “No, thank you. I appreciate the offer, but I’ve made some friends online who’ve dealt with some of the same things I have over the last few months. They’ll know how to help me find the right person to help me.”

Mom looks like she wants to argue, but eventually, she nods. “I understand. You’ll let me know if you change your mind?”

“Of course, Mom. Thank you.” I hesitate for a moment. “I love you.”

“Oh, baby, I love you, too.” She pulls me in for another hug, and I melt into her embrace once more. I don’t know how long we stand there, but eventually she pulls away. “How about I go draw you a bath? I’ve got some Epsom salts we can use and a lovely lavender bubble bath. How does that sound?”

“Like heaven.” I laugh. “I just don’t know how I’m going to get up the stairs.”

Mom laughs. “It hurts that bad?”

“Worse,” I whine, causing her to laugh even harder.

“Cook is still here. Let me grab him, and he can help you up the stairs while I get your bath ready.”

“No, Mom. That’s not Cook’s job,” I call after her.

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