Page 84 of Fighting the Darkness

Griffin nods, shoving Soren, who is wrapped around me like a snake. “Wake up, Sor. Freya needs to use the bathroom, and she can’t do that with you wrapped around her like that.”

Soren grumbles but slowly releases his hold. As soon as I’m free, I launch myself from the bed and into the bathroom. I swear I pee for five minutes straight, and I’m a little concerned that I had to go that badly.

When I step back into the now-lit bedroom, Soren and Griffin are both sitting up in bed with their backs against the headboard. I scramble up the bed between them, loving how they both curl into me.

“How long?” I finally ask, my voice sounding only slightly hoarse.

Soren and Griffin exchange a look before Griffin sighs. Lifting my chin, he presses a quick kiss to my lips. “Three days.”

Three days. I lost three days completely. Not just a few minutes or hours like I have in the past, but three whole days. How?

“You were mostly unresponsive,” Soren offers, kissing the top of my head. “We were able to get you to eat and drink a little, and go to the bathroom. But only if we helped you. Left to your own devices, you just sat there staring off into space. You scared us.”

“I’m scared,” I admit softly. “I’ve never lost whole days before. What if I’ve spent this whole time thinking I’m getting better, only I’ve been getting worse?”

Griffin shakes his head. “That’s not how mental health works, Freya, and you know it. You had a setback. That’s all this was. You missed a session with Dr. Matherson, but I called her to fill her in. She said to call as soon as you woke up, even if it’s in the middle of the night. She says it’s imperative that she speak with you, check in with you, once you’re awake, so you’ll need to call her. She’s been worried. As have your parents and Cook. You’ll need to call them soon, too.”

“I want to go back to sleep.” I’m not ready to talk to anyone else. I need time.

“Sorry, sunshine, but you have to at the very least call Dr. Matherson.” Soren turns my head, so I’m meeting his gaze. “You’re going to be okay. Griffin and I will be here, but she said as soon as you woke up.”

I stick my bottom lip out, pouting. This just causes both of my men to laugh, so I direct glares in their direction.

“You can pout all you want, Freya, but you’re making that phone call.”

As much as I don’t want to, I know he’s right. If I were to go back to sleep right now, there’s a chance that I could fall back into whatever state I was in over the last three days.

Three days? It should be impossible.

Soren slips my phone into my hand. I thank him with a tight smile, pulling up Dr. Matherson’s information and dialing.

“Freya?” Dr. Matherson’s voice makes it clear she’s just woken up, but she seems much more alert than I ever am when I’m woken. “Is that you?”

“Hi, Dr. Matherson. Griffin said you wanted me to give you a call as soon as I woke up.”

She lets out a sigh of relief. “Yes, I want to talk through what happened with you. I’m hoping that it will prevent you from slipping back into another fugue state. Just let me get to my office really quickly so I don’t wake my husband.”

When she lets me know she’s good to talk, I let it all spill from me. The anxiety from finding daily notes from my stalker. The hurt over Wilder’s disappearing act. The guilt over Gina’s death. The waves of grief that seem to hit me from out of nowhere, sweeping me under until I feel like I can’t breathe. My fears that I’m not actually getting better—that I’ll never get better.

Dr. Matherson doesn’t interrupt me, just listening as I tell her everything that has been building up until it all spilled over. Surprisingly, I feel better once I’m done—like a weight has lifted off my shoulders, and I realize it has. I no longer have to carry all of this alone. I have people who care about me. People who want to help me get better. People who won’t turn away because I have a bad day, and what a satisfying feeling that is.

“So you held everything inside until you burst?” Dr. Matherson prompts, and I sigh.

“I did, and I know what you’re going to say. I can’t hold it all inside. I need to tell people how I’m feeling so they can help—whether that’s you or the guys. Iknowthis. I just don’t think I realized how much was building up inside me.“ I shake my head. “It’s not an excuse, I promise. But maybe I can pay better attention to the signs?”

“Yes, Freya, yes. This is always a wonderful moment for me. When you can recall the things I’ve taught you, and see how you can apply them. Even if you were unable to in this past instance, it shows that you know what to do next time. Because there will be a next time.” She pauses. “I told you from the very beginning that this was going to be a long, hard road for you. But I can assure you that youaredoing better. Will your mind ever work the same way as someone without mental health issues? No, it won’t. But you’re learning how to deal with things as they come. One day, you won’t need me to see you through tough times. That’s what we’re striving for. For you to know how to help yourself.”

I nod before realizing she can’t see me. “Thank you, Dr. Matherson. It means a lot to me that you care so much. Not all therapists can say the same.”

She snorts. “And those therapists would say I care too much, but I don’t care what they think. What matters is if I’m helping my patients.”

“You’re definitely helping me,” I tell her before we sign off.

The sun is starting to peek through the windows, and I suddenly feel exhausted. “Can we go back to sleep now? Can the other calls wait?”

Griffin kisses the side of my head, already pulling me to lie down. “I called Cook, and he said he’d let your mom know. You’ll need to call her when you wake up again, but for now, let’s get some more sleep.”

So we do just that as I fall asleep pressed between their bodies.

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