Page 72 of Fighting the Darkness

“Freya Estrid Bjorn!” he yells when I take a step backward. “Don’t you take another step.”

Feeling like a teenager in trouble, I freeze.

Mom jumps to her feet. “Where the hell have you been?”

“I told you I had a date tonight.” I frown, trying to figure out what the hell is going on right now. “Do you not remember?”

She throws her hands up in the air. “Of course I remember, but how do I know you’re telling the truth?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I ask slowly, moving toward them, my interest piqued. I have no desire to talk to my dad, but I can see that Mom is visibly upset.

“You’re never here anymore. When you are, you’re exhausted. Don’t think I haven’t seen the bruises—and I’m not just talking about the ones I saw earlier either.” Mom shakes her head. “Something isn’t adding up, and I’m worried.”

I soften immediately, moving to wrap my arms around her. “I’m sorry for worrying you, but I promise everything’s okay.”

“There was a note left on your father’s car that said you were lying to us about something,” Mom says quietly. “We just want to help you. Let us help you.”

“I don’t know who would’ve left that note, but I promise, there’s nothing I need help with. I’m an adult, and I can promise you I’m making the right decisions for me—beyond that, you don’t get to have a say in my life.”

“I’m sorry to say that we can’t take your word on that, and as long as you’re living under my roof, everything you do is my business,” Dad says, anger seeping into his words. “Now, tell me what it is. Are you doing drugs? Are you in an abusive relationship? Tell me what it is so I can fix it.”

“Fix it?” I scoff, pulling away from Mom so I can square off with my dad. “First, there isn’t anything in my life that needs to be fixed. Secondly, where was this need to fix things when me and Freyr were kidnapped? You remember that, right? When you refused to pay our ransom, and my twin ended up dead? If you’d tried fixing that, then maybe Freyr would still be alive.”

At this point, I’m screaming at him as his face goes redder and redder, barely containing his anger.

Mom tugs on my arm, trying to draw my attention to her. “Come, Freya, that’s not what this is about. We can talk about this calmly.”

“No, Mom.” I gently shake off her arm, never taking my eyes off my dad. “This is happening now. You’re the reason Freyr is dead. All you had to do was pay them the money they wanted, and then we could’ve come home. But no, you’re so fucking greedy that you refused. You might as well have killed him yourself.”

Dad’s hand flies through the air, striking me hard enough for me to stagger. Behind me, Mom gasps as I raise a hand to my cheek. It stings, but I’ve taken harder hits—though, I’ll admit it’s not usually to the face.

I nod slowly. “Struck a nerve there, I see. Good. We’re going to start with me telling you that if you ever raise a hand to me again, I will put you down. You think you’re big and bad hitting someone who is almost half your size? Well, good for you, but you’ve hit the wrong woman. Because I know how to not only defend myself, but to kick your ass.”

“You don’t get to speak to me like that, young lady,” Dad grouses, and I just lift an eyebrow.

“I’ll speak to you however I want. You just hit me, and any little bit of respect I had left for you is now gone. You are dead to me.” I’m so angry, my hands are shaking so I clench them shut, not wanting my dad to mistake it for fear as I turn back to Mom. “And the note was right. I have been lying to you. I’ve been lying so you wouldn’t worry, but I see now that I should’ve just been honest with you from the beginning. The reason I’m exhausted all the time and why I’m covered in bruises? It’s because I’ve been learning MMA.”

Mom shakes her head. “No, Freya. Please tell me you’re lying. You know how much I hated that Freyr did that.”

“Which is why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to worry more than you already do, but it’s clear that you were going to worry either way. I won’t be stopping either, no matter what you say. I love it, Mom. I get why Freyr was so into it.”

“I won’t be paying for that shit,” my dad spits out, and I choose to ignore his words. “I won’t allow any daughter of mine to do something like that.”

“Do you want to know why I started fighting, Mom? Why I decided to try it even though I knew you wouldn’t approve?”

Mom shakes her head. “No, honey. Why?”

“Because I almost killed myself. I was holding a razor blade to my wrist, and I’d already dug it into my skin. I have no memory of how I got there. Just like I had no memory of the time, I found myself standing on the edge of a bridge, staring down at the swirling water beneath me.” Tears fill my eyes as I look away. I can’t watch her realize just how bad things were. “Twice I’ve tried to kill myself without knowing how I got to that point. I was missing time around both of these attempts, but I didn’t do it, and do you know why?

“It’s because I knew Freyr wouldn’t want that for me. The first time I was in his bathroom when I almost killed myself. I threw the blade across the bathroom and went in search of something that would help me want to keep living—anything that could convince me that life was worth living without Freyr beside me. I know you were so worried about me all of that time, but you didn’t really see it, did you?

“You never saw how being apart from him was breaking me bit by bit. Freyr wasn’t just my twin—he was the other half of my soul. I didn’t know how to live without only half a soul. But that day, I saw Freyr’s gym bag and decided that it was time to see if I could love something that he did. And I did—I do. I love it. It’s saved my life on more than one occasion.” I wipe at my cheeks, trying and failing to wipe away my tears. “When I found myself on the bridge, I knew I wasn’t dealing with Freyr’s death as well as I thought I was. I’d already started fighting by then, but I was still a mess.

“As I slipped, desperately clinging to the railing, I realized that for the first time I wanted to live for me, and not for Freyr. I was so mad that I was about to die, and I didn’t want to. I had something to live for. A group of friends I love. A sport that not only do I excel at, but I love. Then I couldn’t hold on any longer, and all I could do was send out an apology to everyone who loved me because I didn’t mean to kill myself—not really. But Wilder saved me.”

Tears stream down my mom’s face. “When you went missing?”

I just nod, turning when I hear something hit the floor behind me. Turning my head, I find my dad on his knees, sobbing.

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