Page 66 of Fighting the Darkness

“How are you feeling now?” Griffin asks.

“A little overwhelmed—but not in a bad way. I’ve been letting things build up instead of dealing with them. I now know that’s a terrible idea, as it seems everything exploded out of me at once.” I hesitate. “I’m a little concerned about the fact that I’m losing time.”

Griffin nods. “I would imagine so. What do you want to do about it?”

“I think I need to call Dr. Matherson and talk with her,” I admit quietly. “But not today. I don’t want to think about it anymore today.”

“Does that mean I get to explain myself now?” Soren squeezes my hand, and I turn to him with a nod.

He explains his conversation with Griffin, what they discussed, and how they came to the discussion that I’d overheard. I still don’t know enough—or anything really—about polyamory, but I can feel the flickers of hope building inside of me. This is what I want—all three of them. I want to be with them; to love them and have them love me. If polyamory is what it’s called, then that’s what I want. I just don’t know how to tell them that.

“So?” Soren asks, raising an eyebrow.

“So what?”

Griffin chuckles. “Pretty sure he wants to know if he’s forgiven, and what you think about our suggestion.”

I nod slowly, but turn to face Wilder instead. “And you? What do you have to say? Don’t you want to know what I have to say about this promise you made to my brother?”

“Not really,” he grumbles. “I’m fairly certain I know what you’ll say.”

“Does it start with you’re a fucking idiot? Because if so, then you’re right.” Shaking my head, I turn back to Soren. “I want to forgive you, and I’m sure I will, but you hurt me... a LOT. Knowing that you were lashing out doesn’t change that. I can’t just forgive you, that’s something you’ll have to earn. Though I’m glad to hear you and Griffin both got your heads out of your asses.”

“Tell us how you really feel.” Griffin scowls at me, but he can’t hide the laughter in his eyes.

“As for the other thing—the polyamory. I want that. More than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life, but I’m at a different place in my relationships with all three of you. I don’t know what that will look like or if it’ll work.” I take a deep breath, steeling myself.

“But I want to try. Even if it’s just getting to know you better.” My eyes find Griffin before sliding to Soren. “Or trying to figure out how to let go of hurt feelings. Or dealing with idiots that are too stubborn for their own good.”

Both Soren and Griffin look at Wilder at the same time I do. He holds up his hands in surrender.

“I get it. I’m an idiot, but that doesn’t mean that I’m comfortable dating you,” Wilder admits.

I nod slowly. “And that’s for you to figure out. But maybe this time, don’t run away and hide?”

“I can do that.”

“Good.” I glance between the three of them. “I think maybe I should head home.”

“No!”

“Absolutely not!”

“You’re staying here, cupcake.”

All three of them speak at once, but Wilder’s voice overrides the rest.

Griffin snorts, rolling his eyes to stare at the ceiling for a moment before meeting my eyes. “We’d like to take care of you, if you’ll let us.”

“We pay people to do that at my house.”

Griffin growls, leaning closer. “I don’t want you out of my sight right now. None of us do. Please. Let us take care of you.”

That plea right there is how I find myself wrapped in a blanket on the couch, snuggled between Griffin and Soren, watching a movie while Wilder cooks up dinner.

Have we fixed anything? No. Not really. But something in me feels lighter after our conversation, and while I still don’t know what the hell is going to happen between the four of us, at least I mostly know where they stand. Knowing that is like a calming balm to my soul.

I still have so much shit to work through, but for tonight, I’m not worried. Especially not when I know I have the three of them at my side to help catch me if I fall.

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