Page 25 of Fighting the Darkness

He nods slowly. “My name is Griffin Remington. I’m the owner of No Holds Barred. This jackass is Soren. He’s one of the fighters I trained. Now he does training for me.”

“I saw you at the fight last week against Wilder. You were amazing,” I tell Soren with a tight smile.

He scoffs. “I could’ve been better—hence the loss. But thank you.”

I nod, turning back to Griffin. “It’s nice to meet you... Griffin? Do you prefer to go by Griff?”

“Why don’t we stick with Griffin? There are very few people I will allow to call me Griff.” He rubs a hand over his chin. “Now, I’m not saying that you can train here, but I do have some questions before I can make that decision.”

“Okay. Ask away.”

“Why do you want to learn to fight?” Griffin seems genuinely interested in my reason, telling me it will probably affect whether he allows me to train here.

Since this is where I want to train, I decide to go with the truth. Lying won’t do any of us any good.

“My brother’s dead—which you both know.” The smile I give them is wry. “If there was anything he loved more than me, it was fighting. He wanted me to learn to fight, but when I refused, he taught me enough to take care of anyone who got too handsy.

“When my brother was alive, I wasn’t a good sister to him. What he wanted didn’t really register with me. I was too self-absorbed, worried about myself, to consider doing something he loved just for that reason. I deeply regret that now because I’ll never have a chance to share this with him. But I want to know what it is that he loved about it so much. The only way I can find that out is by experiencing it for myself. I know it’ll be hard work, and maybe I won’t be cut out for it, but I have to try, right?

“Freyr was the other half of my soul—something I took for granted while he was alive. I can’t do that anymore because he’s gone. Now, it’s time that I get to know the man my brother had become. A huge part of that was MMA. I’d prefer to do that where he did—in a place he loved. I just... Look, I’m going to be honest with you.” I glance between the two men. “Losing my brother has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Most days, it’s a struggle to get out of bed. The thoughts that run through my mind on a daily basis scare me. I can’t keep going the way I have been. I need to find a reason to live again.”

Neither man says anything as they consider me, and I wonder if what I’ve said is enough.

Griffin nods. “Freyr was an amazing fighter, but more than that, he was an amazing man. Even if we don’t choose to train you, you’d be welcome here to talk to the fighters who knew him. You won’t find a single person here who didn’t love your brother. He was always the life of the party. No one could feel down around him. There was just something about him that drew people in. Everyone loved him.”

“It’s always been like that for him,” I say with a shrug. “It used to be easy for me, too.”

“Freyr used to talk about you a lot, and I’ll admit you’re nothing like I thought you’d be,” Soren says, not even remotely mincing his words. “I respected him as a fighter and a person. He was one of the hardest workers I’ve ever met. But you? Everything he told us leads me to believe that wouldn’t be true about you.”

My jaw clenches, hating his words, but knowing that a year ago, they would’ve been true.

“Loss changes people, Soren, and not just on the surface level. Some losses cut so deep that there’s no way we can ever be the same. This was one of them. Losing Freyr...” I look away, shaking my head as I fight against tears. “He was my everything—even when I didn’t make sure he knew that. Losing him was like losing a part of myself. If you’re not a twin, you can’t understand, but it’s like one of my limbs is missing. There’s constantly something telling me he’s missing—that I’m nothing without him. Do you know what that’s like? To miss someone so much that you can’t help but think about joining them?”

Soren’s face blanches as he shakes his head.

“That’s what I deal with on a daily basis. Trying to fight through the pain and loss—trying to find a reason to keep moving forward. It’s hard, and it sucks. But my point is, I’m not that same girl. I’ll never be that girl again. I don’t want to be that girl. I want to be someone stronger. Someone more worthy of living.”

Griffin smiles, one full of sympathy, and I fucking hate it, as he turns to Soren. “What do you say, Soren? Would you be willing to train her, or at least help me train her?”

I turn my head to watch the younger man, not really liking my chances if they rely on him. It’s clear that he doesn’t think much of me. Will Griffin turn me away if Soren says he won’t train me? Does all of this depend on someone who obviously doesn’t like me?

Is fate really that cruel?

But even before I can finish asking myself that question, I know the answer.

Yes, fate is a cruel bitch, and she obviously hates me. I can’t expect this to go my way because what has lately?

I’m so screwed.

Chapter Twelve

Soren

Ican’thelpsneeringat Freya after Griffin asks me if I’d be willing to train her. The last thing I want to do is waste my time training someone who will give up the first time she breaks a nail. She says she’s changed since losing Freyr, which I don’t doubt, but how much could she really have changed in that amount of time?

“If I’m being honest, which I usually am, I don’t think you have what it takes to be a fighter, princess.”

Her eyes flash, but she says nothing as I continue, “It was a good speech you just gave us, but I’ve known plenty of women like you. You’ll put in the effort for the first week or so, but after that? You’ll realize just how much effort you have to put in to be good at this, and I don’t train anyone who doesn’t want to be the best. I won’t waste my time like that. I think it would be best for all parties involved if you walked out that door right now and never looked back, princess.”

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