Page 27 of Love Me In Color

Nathaniel crossed paths with Connor at my door and peeked his head in. Before he could say anything, Gabby’s infectious laugh traveled down the hall and pulled him away. Lainee instructed her to take the items to the conference room, and the scent of coffee and muffins awakened everyone.

“I don’t know how you concentrate with him around,” Gabby stood beside me by the door. I didn’t need to look to see who she was looking at.

“Easy. I’m not in love with him.”

“Shut it,” she whispered through gritted teeth as if Nathaniel and the rest of the world didn’t already know. She gave me a slight push as I laughed. “Well, my sweet Blake, I shall leave. I baked, I delivered, and I saw Nathaniel’s fine body all dressed up. You’ll do great today. Don’t let dumb Erik being here throw you off your game.”

She blew a kiss at Nathaniel, who was stuck in conversation with Connor and couldn’t break away. It seemed to physically pain him not to kiss her goodbye. I grabbed a blueberry muffin and sunk my teeth into it. The flavors brought me the comfort I craved as I waited to face my past and future.

“Are you ready for today?” Richard came up behind me, a little too close for comfort. He seemed relaxed. One hand was in his pocket, and the other held a steaming coffee.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“You’re holding it together well. I’d be a nervous wreck.”

“Thanks, Richard. That’s helpful…”

“Sorry, comforting people isn’t my strong suit. That was supposed to be a compliment.”

“Hey, Blake,” Lainee called from the door as I was about to respond. “The California team is coming up.”

My legs almost buckled, and I felt my heart rate increase. My palms were sweaty. My breath was forced, and not enough air was getting to my lungs. Nathaniel warily walked over to me, recognizing the signs of what I was on the verge of.

“Can I talk to you for a second, Blake?” he pulled me away from Richard and the door.

“Breathe, kid,” he said, trying to hide his worry. If anyone in this room could walk me through calming down, it was him, and I had to trust that. He led me through some deep breathing, and I brought myself back from the brink of a panic attack. I hadn’t had one of those in almost three years.

“Look at me. You are just fine. Breathe. He’s just another coworker.”

“He’s just another coworker,” I whispered back at him. “I can do this.”

“Exactly. You’re superstar Blake right now. Everything will be just fine.”

When we started traveling together, Nathaniel had become an expert at talking me off the ledge of a panic attack. I was scared of flying and having to present in front of strangers sent me into a panic, so there were plenty of opportunities for him to hone his skills. Over time, we learned to recognize the pattern of how they started: increased heart rate, clammy hands, and a lack of air. If I managed to calm down by the time I couldn’t breathe, it wouldn’t progress to shaking and crying.

He kept breathing with me, knowing we were running out of time as the voices got closer. I couldn’t let this happen now. I had come too far in my healing to fall apart right now.

The voices got louder, and I sensed the presence of the other team in the room. It was now or never. I needed to step away from Nathaniel and take charge of my emotions for this meeting.

I turned away from the safety of Nathaniel’s comforting gaze and looked up to meet the dark eyes I had once been so familiar with. Laughter. Sadness. Friendship. Pain. Years of memories and emotions flooded back, threatening to undo all the walls I had built over the last three years. The pit in my stomach grew.

All the other voices in the room faded into a muffled mumble as people greeted each other. Heat spread throughout my body, reaching everywhere but my hands, which were clammy and cold. My fight-or-flight response was confused. It wanted to run away and hide but knew that would be the wrong reaction. My feet felt bolted to the ground until Nathaniel pushed me slightly forward to the head of the conference room.

“Everything is okay, kid,” Nathaniel whispered.

He walked around me and greeted the team. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I was a different person, and so was he. It had been years, and I had changed. Running and crying wasn’t what this Blake did, although the want to do that tried to claw its way out of the carefully crafted cage it was trapped in. I allowed myself to breathe and be the Blake I trained myself to be.

Connor’s concerned eyes carefully watched me. For the first time in five years, I felt his doubt grow. I shoved my feelings in a box and took a deep breath again. I arranged myself at the front of the room, looking at Connor for a nod of approval to start.

“Good morning, everyone!” I called out to the filled room, avoiding further eye contact with Erik.

Everyone muttered a greeting and took their seats around the wooden table. Muffins and coffee sat on the table like another regular Monday morning. I tried to find comfort in what I knew was the same today. Lainee picked at her chocolate chip muffin; she always took the chips out and ate them separately. Stephen scowled at his black coffee; he rejected the notion that muffins were breakfast. Jamie added three packets of sugar and cream to her coffee. All these things remained the same.

“Thank you all for your attention this morning. As you all know, or at least I hope you do, today is officially day one of Project Porcelain!”

There was a round of proud applause around the room with a burst of quiet snickers.

“For the first time in our five-year history, Capital Media has been awarded a contract to develop and implement a nationwide campaign. I want to thank every single person in this room for their intense dedication and hard work over the last couple of weeks that made this happen. It wasn’t easy, but our hard work has paid off thus far.”

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