Page 2 of Love Me In Color

“That’s kind of the whole point of growing up,” my heart rate rose.

He knelt before me, both hands firmly grasping my outer thighs. My hands went clammy at his touch. I would be lying if I claimed that the thoughts crossing his mind had not crossed mine, but the idea of putting them into action terrified me.

“Let’s give us a shot,” he stated, not asked.

“I’m sorry?” I muttered. My voice failed me.

“Let’s give us a shot, Button. We’re lying to ourselves and everyone else by pretending this isn’t more than a friendship. I’ve had feelings for you longer than I care to admit, more feelings than I should have for my best friend. You’re the only person I want to go on midnight ice cream runs with, the only person in the world who I let talk me into running three miles. Every time I look into your beautiful gray eyes, I feel like I’m looking into my future. A future I only want to have with you.”

“Erik,” I whispered. “I…I…its…”

His gaze didn’t leave mine. He saw past every worry I had, past every objection I could muster, past every fear. I wanted to see what he saw. Yet, all I saw was that if we gave this a shot and failed, I would lose the person who meant the most to me.

“Scary, I know,” his grip was now dimpling my legs where his fingers sat. “But we can handle scary. We’ve handled scary before. I love you, Button, and I know you love me. I think it’s time we stop denying this to the world and open ourselves to the possibility of color.”

I took a deep breath, and what our future could be like played in front of my eyes. A house in our hometown, a few streets from our parents. Dedicated careers for the same company – or different ones – that we could both be proud of. Maybe a baby or two. Growing old with the person that I grew up with, the person I had grown to love, even if color was not part of the equation.

“I love you too,” I whispered.

He cupped my face in his hands and brought me back to him. I kissed my future, feeling the possibilities of what we could be.

Chapter One

Thursday afternoon.

Eleven days before.

DING!

The alert of the new email in my inbox instantly made my heart frantic. I stared at the dark grey bolded notification sitting patiently at the top of my inbox. The words in there called for me to open it and finally know what I was dealing with.

Nathaniel, the east region sales manager, promised to email me how the meeting went immediately after he walked out. I knew that the message in front of me had likely been typed in the elevator or from the parking lot of Amelia’s office. His name was proudly bolded in the ‘from’ line. This was it.

This was the email that the entire company, but especially my team, had been anxiously awaiting.

The solid blinds that covered the glass wall that allowed me to see my team had been shut all day. I didn’t want any of them to see me panic if the news was bad. The illusion of privacy for my anxious pacing and finger-tapping was comforting while I waited for Natheniel’s email. It had been challenging to focus most of the day, and I found myself refreshing my email every ten minutes.

Lainee, my administrative assistant, knocked on the half-shut glass door of my office. Her long, wavy hair was pulled back behind her ears in a half ponytail, not a single flyaway. Short, lighting-shaped earrings daintily hung from her ears, and her blouse was perfectly tucked into her jeans.

She timidly stepped inside. Her expression portrayed the nervousness I felt. Fiddling with the edge of her light grey and white polka-dotted blouse, she slowly sat on the plush chairs across from my desk. The chair let out a slight hiss of air.

“I heard the chime,” she said. “Have you opened it yet?”

“Nope,” my eyes met with the unopened email. “If he got the contract signed, which he obviously did because Nathaniel is incredibly persistent, it will be the largest project we’ve ever handled. I’ve never been in charge of something like this.”

“You’re great at your job, Blake. You can do it.”

“Honesty moment, Lainee? I’m not sure I can do this. I mean, who am I kidding? I’m definitely not ready for this.”

“Honesty moment? I think you’re being stupid for thinking that.”

I chuckled at her frank statement. I loved the concept of honesty moments and how I was able to implement them within my team.

Nathaniel and I had coined this between us almost five years ago when we started traveling together and working more closely on our presentations. At the time, it helped foster a genuinely open dialogue, an invaluable tool for us. As our friendship inside and outside of work developed, we kept using them as a way to be completely honest with each other.

Lainee and I embraced the honesty moments concept over the last three years that we worked together. It was a few seconds in any conversation where we stepped outside of our boss-employee dynamic. I valued honesty, so these were incredibly helpful as a manager. These moments helped me stay grounded in my job and encouraged Lainee to tell me when things were going wrong, even if I couldn’t see what was happening.

My heart pounded a rhythmic beat in my ears, faster with every second that passed. I tapped the tips of my nails on my desk as I tried to find the courage to see if our hard work had paid off. The momentary silence in the room was heavy.

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