Page 19 of A New Era

“Jump into bed and I’ll read for an extra ten minutes.”

Rayna runs across her room and jumps onto her bed. She loves listening to stories and when it comes to bedtime, extra reading time is my handiest bribe. She snuggles under the sheets and shuffles over ready for me to join her. Grabbing the book we’ve been reading for the last week, I go to flip it open to the last page we were reading when Rayna asks, “Are you my mommy?”

The titles on her bookshelves blur and a lump lodges itself in the bottom of my throat. I’m so glad I haven’t turned to face her yet.

Flustered, I feign hearing her. “What was that?”

“Sebastian calls Aunt Nina mommy… why don’t I call you mommy?”

I fear saying the wrong thing and upsetting her, or upsetting Leo, or the McCarthy’s. My heart pounds, trying and failing to think of something to say. My mind is racing, and I don’t know what to do.

“Is that the phone ringing?” I say instead. “Hold onto that thought, I’ll be right back. Stay in bed.”

Running down the stairs, and throwing open the front door, Alannah is the first person I see, and I call her over.

“Can you sit with Rayna, please? Just for five minutes. She’s already in bed waiting for a story,” I rush out.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine, I just need to find Leo.”

“Sure. He’s over in the bar, I’ve just left him and his dad there.”

It’s not far to the clubhouse but my freakout grows wild in the short distance. Leo spots me straight away and stands from his seat at the table he’s sharing with his dad, Sparky, and JJ. I notice the worry setting in as he makes his way over to me. When he reaches me, his worry burns brightly.

“What’s wrong?” he pleads to know.

“I was putting Rayna to bed and out of nowhere she asked me if I was her mommy… she’s confused why Sebastian calls Nina mommy, but she doesn’t with me… she knows India is her mom…” my ramblings trail off.

He’s quiet for a moment as he processes said ramblings and I wait with bated breath for him to say something.

“What did you tell her?”

“I made out the phone was ringing and told her I’d be back. Your mom’s with her.”

He cups my face and asks, “Why are you freaking out?”

“You’re seriously asking me why?” I blanch. “Because I didn’t know what to say! How will she understand that I love her like she were my daughter, that I’d protect her, and do anything for her like I were her mother but that I’m not? She knows India is her mom, she’s seen plenty of videos of her and photos, and…”

He sweeps his thumb over my bottom lip to shush me. I’m surprised to see him grinning.

“How about we tell her she has two mommies?”

I’ve lost the ability to breathe many times. Whenever my father gave me ultimatums I was never strong enough to go against him. When I was chained up in the motel bathroom. And when I woke up to the searing pain across my hands. But this, I’m stunned into shock.

“Are you sure about this?”

“I don’t want her feeling like she’s different to other kids and it’s obviously been weighing on her little mind for her to bring it up.”

This is what is going to make him a great husband. His ability to put me at ease in the fastest time.

“You’re the only woman in the world I’d let her call mommy. Marryin’ you, ain’t I?”

“Yeah.” I smile. “You are.”

Pressing his lips to mine, the kiss seals another nail into our future together.

“Come on, let’s go talk to her together.”

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