Page 79 of Countdown

Raina blew out a low breath, then lifted her eyes to meet his gaze. “Are you mad I didn’t tell you?”

“Mad? No. A little disappointed you didn’t feel you could trust me with the information? Yeah, maybe.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I thought you might judge me. At least that’s what I told myself, but I think it went deeper than that.”

“Like how?”

“Like I was judging myself.” She let out a hard laugh. “And, I think I was afraid to say it out loud.”

“Oh. Why?”

A shrug. “Because then I’d have to admit that I gave my child away and...” Tears climbed from her throat into her eyes, her nose burned, and her breath caught. She pressed her fingers to her eyelids and fought the onslaught. “And ... what kind of mother gives her baby away?” The last word was a mere squeak.

“Why?” he asked, his voice so soft she almost missed the question.

“Why what?” she said with her eyes still closed.

“Why did you put him up for adoption?”

The tears dried up like someone flipped a switch and she dropped her hands to narrow her eyes at him. “To keep him safe. I desperately didn’t want to give him up, but I saw no other option.”

“I think that answers your question.”

She sniffed. “What do you mean?”

“You sacrificed your own happiness to keep him safe. That’s what a mother does. That’s what any good and decent parent does for their child. They do whatever it takes to keep them safe. To make the hard choices for the good of their child. And I think, deep down, you know that. What would you say if it was someone else?”

She stayed silent. Thinking.

“Raina? Seriously, answer the question. What would you say to someone else who found themself in your situation, faced with making that kind of decision?”

“I would say she did the right thing.” The low words slipped from her, but she also found herself believing them for the first time. Believing that what she had done was brave, not selfish. That no one would hold it against her. Except Kevin, and he didn’t count.

“Exactly. You did the right thing.”

She nodded, dislodging a few tears hovering on the edges of her lashes. They slipped down her cheeks, and Vince used a cold thumb to swipe them away, then gathered her closer to him. “Before all of this, I was doing so good,” she whispered. “I thought about him every day, but I knew he went to a good family. I picked them out. I didn’t know their names, I didn’t even know what they looked like, but I knew they were good people and would love him like he had their blood. Maybe even more. Some people can take their kids for granted, but I knew they would never do that to him. And then I saw him on TV and maybe it’s crazy to assume he’s the one I gave birth to. Maybe he’s not. Maybe it’s all just some wild coincidence, but...”

“But you don’t think so.”

“I don’t. And I can’t just dismiss the possibility or hope Kevin or someone Kevin knows never sees him. I can’t.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I know.”

Raina’s heart tumbled all over itself with conflicting emotions and feelings, and she dragged in a ragged breath. “Okay, sorry. I didn’t mean to lay all that out there. We have someone trying to kill us. We don’t have time to dissect my personal issues.”

“Thank you for sharing with me. For telling me about him.”

She shrugged. “I wasn’t going to deny it. And to be even more honest ... in spite of how I thought it would feel, it’s good to finally admit it.” She raked a shaky hand over her hair. “But I can’t meet him, Vince.” She lifted her gaze to his. “If I see him, meet him, talk to him ... I don’t think I’d be able to walk away from him again.”

????

Vince almost couldn’t stand the agony in her eyes, his heart twisting into a painful knot on her behalf. Almost as painful as the incessant throb in his right calf. “Ah, Raina, I’m sosorry. But I’ll be frank with you. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

She sniffed and swiped her eyes. “It doesn’t matter right now. All that matters is getting there and finding Kevin, having him arrested, and removing the threat to Michael. Then we can all return to our normal lives.”

He could only hope it would be that easy. For some reason, he wasn’t compelled to hold his breath. Just his tongue. Another few minutes of scoping the area, then he frowned. “He’s gone, I think.”

“Where are the fire trucks? Surely, someone’s noticed all the smoke and—” Wailing sirens in the distance cut her off. “Well, okay then. About time.” She glanced at him. “I think instead of hiking the rest of the way to Penny’s hangar, we hitch a ride with someone down there.”

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