Page 87 of The Criminal

She arched an eyebrow at my comment, her brow furrowed.

I leaned forward, planning to kiss the abrasion on her knee. “I was rough, your skin. I’m sorr—“

She jerked her knee away from my lips.

“Don’t you dare apologize. That was the best sex I’ve ever had.” She sat up halfway, her dress and bra still tangled around her middle. I had no idea what I’d done with her panties.

Her hair shifted off her shoulder to reveal a bite mark on her neck. Fuck. Not a hickey, actual teeth marks.

“I was…I was…out of control…”

“It was incendiary.”

I shook my head, struggling for words to explain what happened. What I felt.

She bent forward and kissed my lips softly. “It was honest.”

No. I didn’t accept that. Or did I? I thought back to all the times I had carefully asked permission when I was with her. Focused on permission and control. Not feelings.

“That wasn’t me.” I shook my head, but part of me knew she was right. It had been honest.

“No, Derek, it was you. And that’s okay. I liked it.” She crawled over and cuddled into my side, her legs draped over my lap.

I pulled her into my chest and buried my nose in her hair. “I love you.” It was the only way I could express how grateful I was for her. The only words big enough to encompass the emotions she stirred in me.

“I love you too.” She unbuttoned my shirt and pressed her hand flat over my heart.

I exhaled, and the brick of remorse lodged in my chest crumbled to dust. From one moment to the next, my perspective changed. The shame shifted and eased, lighter than it had been in years.

With the most infinite care, I tipped her chin up and took her lips. My kiss was deep and delicate, the sweep of my tongue fleeting and soft against hers. When we broke apart, I held her tight, savoring the feeling of holding her without the guilt of Ray’s death between us.

We stayed cuddled on the floor long enough for a handful of jets to take off and land across the lagoon at the airport. We held each other, not saying anything. I stroked her hair, and she traced shapes on my chest. It was as sweet and lovely as our coupling had been explicit.

“You know, when I decided to have a midlife crisis, I did it with far less flair.”

“You did?” I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that today’s shit show was a midlife crisis, but…

“Uh-huh. I spent my fortieth birthday alone in a romantic hotel room, drinking too much wine. I ate all the junk food in the minibar and listened to a bunch of whiny chick music. At dawn, surrounded by the carnage of the night, I decided I wanted out of the Delgatto organization.”

“That was the birthday epiphany you told me about?”

“It was.”

I took a deep, slow breath. Her smell filled my lungs. I’d held back this question since the first time I touched her. I hadn’t been brave enough then.

I tipped her chin up so I could see her face. “You think Ray would be okay with us ending up like this? Together?”

She squinted at me, considering the question. “I do. There is no question he loved you. And if we made each other happy, he’d want us to be together.”

A final knot of guilt fell from my heart like her words had sliced through it.

“I mean, imagine if his choices were you or Tony. Who do you think he’d pick for me?”

“I think Ray would have killed Tony long ago.” I would have helped him dispose of the body.

Before Lee could reply, my cell, which had fallen from my pocket at some point and now lay on the floor, rang. It was the ring tone for the office. I apologized to Lee and took the call.

“This is Derek,” I answered.

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