Page 85 of The Criminal

He shook his head, ignoring the truth of what I was saying.

“If I hadn’t ended up in Tony Delgatto’s stolen car, I’d have made some other stupid choice. It could have been worse.”

“How could it have been worse?” His whole body was vibrating, pulled tight by years of pain coming to a head, ready to explode.

He might have been a hard-ass soldier, but he was still my Boy Scout looking to make everything right. But time had already healed my wounds. It was time he forgave himself.

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. In the charged silence, the sound of a jet taking off from the airport echoed in the room. I took a sip of my coffee. I remembered John’s words about people trying to fill uncomfortable silences. I kept my mouth shut, willing Derek to fill the emptiness.

He tugged my shoulder, turning me to face him again.

“Lee, how could it have been worse?” The raw emotion in his voice pulled an answer from deep inside me. One I hadn’t planned on giving to him.

“I survived.” Truth was brutal. I lived—Ray didn’t.

“And that is the level of accomplishment we’re striving for?” It was more accusation than question, and it pricked a vulnerable place.

“At nineteen, yes.” I threw up my hands in frustration. “Look at my life. I have money. A successful business. And now a future free of the Delgattos. It’s all working out.” I smiled at him, wishing I could make him see that I was living my dream. It took over a year and his help, but damn it, I was free. Everything I wished for on my fortieth birthday and more. A new life and a new love.

He jerked back when I tried to touch him. So many emotions were flitting across his face, I didn’t know what to expect. He rubbed the heels of his hands into his eye sockets.

“No thanks to me.” He was bitter, angry—shutting down.

“Derek!” I snapped his name to get his full attention and drag him back from the edge. It had been an exhausting few days—this wasn’t the best time to rehash our past. Too late now, though. If he wanted to do this, then so be it. I scrambled over him, straddling his thighs. I took his face in my hands. My words had to get through his thick skull.

“I can’t regret the things I cannot change. Ray’s death. My marriage to Tony. Not sending Tony to jail when I could have. A hundred other decisions that I made when I was young. Regrets build a cage stronger than any iron bars, but I think you know that already, don’t you?”

He blinked and looked away. I was losing him.

“Damn it! Let it go.” I was nearly shouting in his face. I loved him. I couldn’t take seeing him like this.

I hated regrets. They were the worst kind of undermining force in our lives. I got free of the Delgattos to rid myself of my regrets. It was time Derek did the same.

What else had regret driven this proud, brave man to do or not do? Had it driven him into my bed? A choking band of discomfort settled around my chest, making breathing hard.

I considered Derek from my perch in his lap. He was locked in place, a man made into marble by his demons. Being on top of him like this felt wrong. I moved to stand.

“No.” He closed his arms around me like a vise, trapping me in place. His ragged breaths filled my ears, and his hold on me was frantic and too tight. I relaxed into him, wishing I could ease his pain.

His lips found the pulse at the base of my throat. He sucked hard, marking my skin. He worked his way up the line of my neck with feverish movements. A shuddering breath rocked his body, and he took my head in his hands and crashed our mouths together.

I could taste desperation and rage in his kiss. He ravaged my mouth; it was unlike any embrace we’d ever shared. Hot and violent. I met him thrust for thrust. I opened my mouth, welcoming his invasion. He took without asking.

He attacked my clothes, shoving at the material. Fabric tore as he ripped open the back of my dress. He didn’t try to undo my bra; he just yanked the cups down and bent me back over his arm to suck and pinch my nipples. His frenzied hands were rough and delicious. His stinging bites hurt so beautifully.

I was already wet for this unhinged version of my lover. I groaned and gasped his name, urging him to keep going. He ground his hard cock against me. I leaned farther back, offering him all he wanted to take. The pain and pleasure mixed into an intoxicating spell. He was desperate for release, and I longed to be it.

My Boy Scout was flying apart. I was happy to let him use my body to put himself back together.

Brutal and uncontrolled, he pulled at my dress, pushing it up around my hips. He jerked and yanked, finesse long forgotten. He shoved a hand beneath my panties and sank two fingers into me.

“I need you, Lee.” He drove his fingers deep. The awkward angle, the lack of foreplay, was so unlike the careful lover I knew. This was utterly raw lust.

“Yes, touch me.” I tried to open my legs wider.

He was all passion and no intellect.

“Fuck, you’re so perfect.” He lifted me from his lap, ripped off my underwear, and shoved me to my knees.

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