My chest fluttered and tears prickled my eyes. I couldn’t think of the woman who lightened the mood in every room crushing under the weight of her grief without anyone to hold it for her. Her dark-brown eyes brimming with pain moved into my mind, and I clamped my eyes shut.
“I love her too. I’ll be there tomorrow.” I paused, hesitating. “If you guys need anything… or if Katie…”
“We’ll call you.”
I nodded, still holding the phone to my ear when the call disconnected. The lack of feeling in my legs kept me glued to my seat and stopped me from rushing to my car. I should’ve demanded to know where her parents lived.
She needs you.
Jules stood behind me, helping to fix the loose hairs that had come out of my twisted bun, and next to me, Andy held my hand. There was a lack of feeling in my legs and arms, but I offered a weak smile to them in the mirror. Behind us, Demetri and William sat with Carson with neutral looks of sympathy on their faces that turned to concern each time one of the girls teared up. It caused a pain in my chest to see how much they loved my best friends. I hadn’t even told Auston. Did he know Andy was here?Surely he knew.
“She would be proud of you, babe,” Jules said, leaning forward to plant a kiss on my cheek.
I nodded, hoping she was right, but knowing deep down she was. Aunt June had told me on a regular basis that she was proud of me. “We’ll be right behind you,” Andy added.
The doors to the church in front of me were daunting. As soon as the mahogany panels opened, I’d be saying goodbye to my aunt. A sob racked my chest, and I squatted down, almost dropping to my knees on the ground. Jules and Andy didn’t let go of my arms, kneeling with me and helping to support my body when the temporary feeling in my legs disappeared.
“I don’t think I can do this.”
Jules rubbed soft circles on my back that mirrored the ones Andy made on my shoulders. “You can absolutely do this. June was one of the strongest women any of us have ever met, but so are you!” Andy said, punctuating her statement with a kiss on my cheek.
“You are so much like her. She’s neverreallygone, you know?” Jules hugged me, and Andy followed her lead, sandwiching me between the two of them. “We can go whenever you’re ready.”
My friends helped me to my feet, making sure I was steady before they watched eagerly for me to be ready to enter the chapel. When the doors opened, I looked at the casket at the front of the room. The one I’d helped my parents pick out. Something nice, with beautiful, blue silk lining the inside. She always said blue was the best color on her because of her silver hair.
With a deep breath, we walked in, heading towards the front where my parents sat with Amy and Emma. There was a spot saved in the middle of the four of them, and when my friends entered the pew behind them, I moved to join my family. I sat down, resting my head on Mom’s shoulder and reaching for Emma’s hand next to me. Amy reached over and latched her hand with ours in Emma’s lap, and warm tears gently lined my cheeks.
The pastor stood in the front of the room, clearing his throat to address the crowd. Aunt June was well-loved in every community she was in, and looking around the room, you could see the impact she’d had on everyone she met. The room was full of people, each pew lined from end to end with people of all ages. Some cried, others sat quietly emotional, and some stared in a stunned silence at the cross on the wall.
I closed my eyes and Mom’s shoulders settled next to me. The musky scent of warm amber drifted towards me, and I relaxed reflexively. Mom slid away from me, and I sat up, opening my eyes and looking from her to the space where my sisters had let go of my hand.
Amy and Emma moved their gazes to the door, and I followed, my breath leaving my lungs when I met Auston’s hazel eyes. He kept them locked on me as he walked over to the pew, the tattoos on his neck peeking out from the suit he wore. I stared at the butterfly on the left side and traced the one on my arm.
Auston stepped in front of me, and my sisters scooted away, leaving room for him to sit. He wasn’t completely in the seat before he was snaking his arm over my shoulder and around my back, pulling me against his chest as he settled into the seat. I closed my fingers, gripping handfuls of the fabric covering his back and burying my face against his chest.
“I’m here, Katie. I’m right here, and I’m never letting go,” he whispered, pressing his lips to the top of my head. “I’m so sorry.”
My sob ricocheted around the church. I didn’t care who was watching us, and I didn’t care about the stupid papers on my table at home. There was nothing I cared about more than the arm wrapped around me and the even breathing that slowed mine. Auston ran his hand in even strokes up and down my back, holding me tightly against his body with his other hand.
While the pastor shared memories of Aunt June’s life, including the time she went skinny dipping at the public pool and was caught by the local police, I laughed, each chuckle mixing with a hiccupping sob. Every time I whimpered, Auston pressed his lips to my head, leaving them there while he inhaled, as if he’d forgotten in just a few days what I smelled like. Every time he did, I took a deep breath of my own. I wanted to remember every detail if he left after this was over.
I’m never letting go.
I gripped tighter, desperately holding him as close as I could. I wasn’t letting go either. I was protecting my heart.
Katie was frail in my arms when I pulled her to me, as if grief and defeat had caused her to shrink, and she didn’t let go of me. Not even when the pastor talked about the way Katie was basically a mirror image of her. She clung to me, her face nuzzled against my neck. Every few minutes she’d take a deep breath and squeeze, like she was reminding herself I was there. When she did, I’d tighten my hold on her and kiss her head.
I was going to show her I was never leaving her. I’d burn those papers before they could ever be submitted. I was going to claim her in front of everyone.
“Thank you for being here,” she whispered, resting against me as we walked out of the church. She paused and stopped at the top of the stairs, her eyes boring into mine. “Auston… I’m sorry… I…”
Placing my finger over her lips, I shushed her. “Don’t. I have a lot more to be sorry for.”
“You and Sky…” she whispered, her eyes glistening and her gaze distant. My mind flashed to Sky standing in my kitchen, eating the piece of pizza.
“Absolutely nothing.” I cupped her face, resting my forehead against hers. “I never want anybody but you.”
She let her eyes wander to the side, as if nervous to leave her gaze on mine. “The papers?”