Page 16 of The Wolf Queen

“She and my father conspired together to beat the flesh from my bones, to kill me,” I said, and it was as though the kitchen went as silent as a graveyard at my words. I set down the bowl of soup, although my belly was complaining that it wasn’t being filled, then I loosened my jerkin and slipped the neck of my shirt down over my shoulder, turning to show her the welts left there.

“Gods above…” the woman said, incredulously, performing the gesture Granians did to their gods. “His own daughter… A lady of the blood…” Cook seemed to straighten up, grow taller. “And him upstairs, an invalid now and bad with it, always ringing the bell, demanding my staff dance on his commands.”

“Feel free to ignore them, now,” I said, and we traded a conspiratorial smile. Then I looked down the table past her and caught the startled looks on the children’s faces.

Gods, I was not fit to be a mother, I thought to myself, as I drew in a breath of self-censure. Sure, I needed Cook and the rest of the staff onside, but letting the children see such things…

“Your da did that?” Del asked, his jaw clenching, his fist tightening on his spoon.

“Peace.” Weyland set a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Your mother is tough enough, strong enough, to beat down any man who would dare raise a hand to her. Don’t go seeking to fight her battles for her.” His eyes met mine then and it seemed to me there was an air of sadness within them. “We don’t.”

“It’s a good lad that seeks to stand up for his mother,” Cook said. “Listen, now. I’ve got some barley sugar, freshly made. Your mother used to try and sneak in here when she was Jan’s age to get at it. One morning she did. Plastered head to foot in icing sugar and groaning from a sore stomach, so that we had to call in the horse master, Nordred, to see her to rights. A couple of fingers down her throat and then vomiting up the lot behind the bushes in the gardens…”

Cook told the children more tales of my misbehaviour. While I heard their laughter, it came as if from a great distance, because my mind was caught up in memories. Nordred beside me, teaching me the prayer to the Morrigan. Nordred fighting by my side, and then Nordred, burned on a pyre to deprive the Morrigan’s birds of their meal, his ashes floating up into the sky.

“Milady?”

I came back to myself, abruptly, and saw Cook looking at me expectantly.

“I was just telling Cook that we will have a contingent joining us at the keep and supplies will need to be ferried to those that wait beyond the walls,” Dane said smoothly.

“I’m sorry for the imposition,” I told her with a small smile. “And I can’t even tell you it’ll be a short one. My husbands and I need to ride for the capital, but my people…” Strelans was what went unsaid and I wondered if Cook knew it. “A great danger lurks within Strelae and it’s one that will sweep into Grania if something isn’t done. But I cannot take all of them with us when we go.”

“If they’re your people, we’ll look after them,” Cook said, with a gentle smile, before her eyes narrowed again. “And that bastard of a father of yours—”

“Will say nothing to contradict me,” I finished for her. “Now, eat up, children. Wasting food is a criminal offence in this kitchen and I’m still to show you the stables and my old room.”

Cook left us to finish eating and went back to her work, the hypnotic sight of her working great mounds of bread dough helping settle me enough to keep the soup down. And when I was done? I felt a brief rush of warmth, of wellbeing. I stroked Jan’s head before showing her and Del where to put the dirty dishes. When we went to say our farewells to Cook, a small twist of muslin bulging with sweets was handed over to the children with a wink.

But while there was peace here, there was no relief.

I’d played at being a soldier and a mother and I’d managed to kill hundreds of people as a result, and a child, my child too. My hand went to my stomach, still cradling that slight swell, that pain, as I led my other charges into the courtyard.

Chapter12

My father was banished from the great hall for dinner. Cook had outdone herself, putting on a banquet for the soldiers and lords who joined us. I’d made sure those outside the walls didn’t miss out, and had kept a close eye to see that carts full of food were sent out. But before I could rest, I went for a walk out to the camp now set up beyond the keep walls, to make sure it arrived. Annis caught sight of us and rose to meet us.

“All is well, Your Majesty,” she said, then brushed at my shoulders, removing invisible specks of dust. “You have provided, as you always do.”

But would I be able to continue to do so? I kept that thought to myself, not willing to steal the pleasure of a full belly from everyone, so I inspected the cook pot instead.

“Barley broth?” I asked Annis.

“Made from the bones of that stag you brought down,” she said, with a gentle smile. “And barley from sacks which that woman, Flora, brought out to us.”

“Flora…? Oh, yes,” It took me a second to realise she meant Cook, because the essence of her role had become her name within the keep. “So you are all well fed?”

“And snug as a bug in a rug,” one of the other women said, nestling down into her bedroll with a cackle, sending the other women into a round of laughter.

“Seems strange that the Granians have the same stars as us, though,” another said, staring at the night sky warily.

I looked up too, tracing with my own eyes the same constellations I’d seen back in Strelae.

“I’m learning just how similar our two peoples are,” I told her before bidding everyone goodnight.

I was tired,bone-tired, but before I could try to rest, we had two dirty children that needed a good bath.

“Do we have to?” Del eyed the serving women coming in and out of the room, toting buckets of hot water.

---