Page 141 of Stolen Hearts

“I don’t want your fucking sympathy or a fucking apology!!”

He roars the words, making me choke as I scramble back on the couch with tears running down my face. His lips pull back in a snarl as he storms toward me, brandishing the file like a weapon.

“Well now youdofucking know, Callie!” he bellows, ripping another sob from my throat as he looms over me with fury in his eyes. “Now youfinally fucking get it! I’m not a fucking hero,baby girl,” he hisses. “I’m a monster! I killed my own father—”

“Castle—”

“And then I got three men killed in Kabul!”

“No, Castle!” I’m openly sobbing now, shaking everywhere as my breath hitches on my words. “No, it was war! That’s different! You didn’t get anyone—”

“It was bad intel that I acted on without checking. I was reckless, and cocky—”

“Please, I need to tell—”

“And I wanted to die too!”

Whatever warmth was left in the room vanishes, turning it frosty and numb. Castle laughs bleakly, turning away from me.

“You want to know why I was a black ops Ranger?Constantlybehind enemy lines,constantlyputting myself in shitty, dangerous situations,constantlya hair’s breadth away from death?! He roars, whirling on me. “You want to know, Callie?!”

I shake my head, tears flowing hot down my cheeks.

“Because I wanted to fuckingdie,” he snaps coldly. “Literally. It wasn’t any adrenaline addiction, or doing it for God and country, or any of that bullshit. I wanted to eat a fucking bullet, Callie,” he hisses. “And I wasso fucking close!I was right there! Face to fucking face with Death when we breached that fucking house!”

His shoulders are shaking. His eyes look manic and wild—red-rimmed and brimming with moisture as rage explodes across his face.

“Only those assholes went in first!” He chokes as he bellows out the words. “They went in first, and theystole that fucking death from me!”

His voice breaks, his whole frame crumbling as he whirls to look at me with so much haggard, venomous darkness that it strikes sheer terror into my very core.

“So, whatever thefuckyou want to tell me, Callie,” he snarls. “Save it! I don’t want your fucking sympathy. I don’t want your empathy. And I sure asfuckdon’t want you digging up the graves of shit I buried years ago!!!”

I sob as I stagger to my feet. “Castle—”

His voice suddenly goes dangerously quiet. “Stay the fuck away from me.”

It feels like a knife sliding into my heart. The hatred on his face and the brutal coldness in his tone almost bring me to my knees. I choke, my throat opening and closing as my heart wrenches in my chest, watching helpless and heartbroken as he whirls and storms out of the apartment.

Then I do fall to my knees and onto my side in a fetal position on the floor, curled up, sobbing and sobbing, until all I know is pain.

At some point, maybe an hour or two later, I drag myself to bed. I try calling him over and over again, but it goes straight to voicemail every time. He reads my texts but doesn’t reply.

I jerk awake hours later to the sound of the apartment door opening and closing. I sit up in the darkness of the bedroom, waiting for him to come in, even if it’s to yell at me again.

But he doesn’t come.

After a while, I creep to the bedroom door and open it. I look out, but all I see is him lying on the couch with his eyes closed and a sweatshirt thrown over his torso for a blanket.

What the fuck have I done?

I break again, sinking to the floor right there and crying against the door between us until darkness overtakes me.

34

CASTLE

In my dreams,I’m back at war.

---