Page 53 of Heart's Escape

What in the nine hells was I thinking?

Voids below, I am such an idiot. I press my jaw together and rock backward, turning away from the beautiful woman who makes me feel more desperately aroused, more alive, than I have in years. It was one kiss, damn it. One brilliant, beautiful kiss, and then she brushed her hips against me and I was ready to tear her clothes apart.

Until she touched my illusion. My magic flickered, burning with a sort of intensity I’d never known to be pleasurable. It felt like she was about to rip my magic away as she curled her fingers into the illusion. It felt like I was about to lose something.

So I pulled away, shattering our kiss like ice falling to the ground. Because haven’t I already lost enough? And how can I pretend none of that matters? Pretend I can hold a woman with just one arm? This used to be so easy, damn it. Kissing, flirting, bringing a woman into my bed. It used to be as easy as breathing; I didn’t even bother with my illusions once they came into the cabin.

But now how would that even work? I can’t sweep Alindra off her feet and carry her in my arms. Damn it all, I can’t even hug her properly. My lips twist into a desperate sort of smile as I stare at the fire like it has some sort of answer to give me.

There’s a cracking sound as something explodes deep inside the flames. Alindra says nothing, and somehow her silence is almost as hard to bear as her kisses. There was something wondrous about the way she threw herself at my chest, the frantic press of her lips, and the way she pulled away almost as soon as her mouth brushed mine.

How long has it been since anyone kissed me like that, awkward and rushed and almost desperate? We’ve all grown so practiced, down here in the Lands Below. How long has it been since a kiss felt so aching and real?

The floor creaks as Alindra shifts behind me. I can’t bring myself to turn around. Voids, Rowan would be laughing his ass off right now; his big brother Phaedron lost for words. Phaedron, totally messing things up with a beautiful woman he brought back to the house.

Alindra’s fingers brush mine. My skin pulls tight. For a moment we just stand there, our fingers barely touching as the fire cracks and hisses before us, my eyes fixed on the row of white stars above the hearth.

“Phaedron,” she whispers.

I turn around, and suddenly I can’t stop staring at her, hypnotized by the way firelight traces the dark curves of her cheeks. She’s melted something inside of me, this magician from the Worlds Above. She pulled heat and light with her when she pushed me through that portal, and now when I look at her, I can see a window into another world. A world where I can step away from my maimed body and my catastrophic failure to protect this little town.

But a dull, familiar ache closes around my heart like a vise, and the smile on my face suddenly feels brittle. Because I’m trapped inside this body, just like I’m trapped inside the Lands Below and the World’s End and all the sad little fixtures of my sad little life.

“I just—” I stammer as I back away. “I wish you’d known me before.”

I gesture at my mangled right side, the missing arm that will never again wield a sword or caress a woman’s body, the ugly mess of scar tissue I’ll need to keep hidden forever. Alindra makes a sound that’s caught halfway between a laugh and something else, something closer to sorrow than joy. She clutches the blue blanket to her midsection like she’s trying to shield what’s there.

“Yeah,” she says, with a strange, bitter twist in her voice. “I wish you’d known me before, too.”

Alindra’s shoulders curl forward, as if she’s trying to protect herself. Something inside of me cries out in response, something deep and powerful urging me toward the woman I couldn’t leave behind. Because I have to protect her, this wild, wonderful magician from the Worlds Above. Even though she can’t stay here with me, and even though I know her absence will ache for the rest of my life, I can’t let Alindra suffer. And I can’t deny this fire between us any longer.

I reach forward, bringing my fingers to her hand, then dragging them slowly up to the warmth of her shoulder. When she sighs, I bend down to kiss the back of her neck. She shivers as I trace a path up her skin with my mouth, tasting her. When she rocks against me, her head tilts back, revealing the length of her neck and the glorious swell of her chest. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her against my body.

Voids, she’s so warm! I clench my teeth against the rush of pleasure as her exquisite ass presses into the hard, aching length of my cock. It’s been so long since I’ve had a woman that for a moment I feel like I could climax right here, just from rubbing our bodies together beneath layers of clothing.

And wouldn’t Rowan laugh then? I force my hips back, then bend down to whisper into the gentle curve of Alindra’s ear. I want to tell her that I don’t care what’s come before or that she’s carrying another life inside of her. I want to tell her how achingly beautiful that potential makes her, and how desperately I want to be a part of that new life, to care for her and for her child like I cared for Rowan.

But the words get tangled inside my head, and all that comes out is her name, whispered over and over as I pull her gently into my room.

I cleaned my room up somewhat before turning my bed over to Alindra, but still, shame flickers through my chest when we cross the threshold. I used to keep my room immaculate, always ready for inspection or entertaining. Now there’s a film of dust on the bedside table and smudges on the window. Worst of all, my World’s End sentry uniform hangs on the wall with both sleeves empty, like a ghost. Or a reprimand.

I close the door behind us, shutting out the light of the fire and reducing my uniform to a dull gray smear in the darkness. Good. It’s better that way, hidden and invisible. Alindra turns against me. Her arm brushes the illusion covering my chest and sends another bolt of magic rippling across my ruined skin.

And then her lips find mine. Her kiss is hot and hungry, desperate and aching, and voids help me, I couldn’t resist even if I tried. I meet her kiss, our lips and tongue dancing, all the words I wanted to say but couldn’t capture somehow sparking in the air between us, chasing her fingers up and down my illusion, tangling with my hand in her hair.

Alindra’s tongue explores me shamelessly, claiming every inch for herself as her hips rock against mine, the heat of her body breaking against me in waves. My cock is so stiff it hurts; the room spins as she steals my breath, my entire being focused on her heat, on the sweet warmth between her legs.

I break our kiss, gasping as the air pulses around me. Alindra is wearing something thin and light that she must have borrowed from Arryn, something that’s more of a suggestion of a dress than an actual outfit, and I feel every soft curve of her body as she presses into every hard plane of mine. My throat is tight, and the air around us feels as thick as velvet. My arm moves on its own, tracing a path down Alindra’s waist without any conscious choice on my part.

My hand slips into the space between our bodies, and Alindra’s breath catches in her throat. I lean forward, kissing her once more as my fingers travel down the curve of her stomach, the heat of her body radiating through the thin cloth like the fire of the sun burning through the morning mist. I enter her with my tongue, tracing a path across her lips, as my fingers knot in the fabric of her dress and yank it up.

Alindra gasps when I reach the end of her dress, when my fingers brush the skin of her inner thigh. It’s a sharp inhale, a rush of breath over my lips, and I grind my teeth together to keep from moaning in response. My cock screams at the barrier of my pants, of the tight lacings keeping me in place, as my fingers explore the hot curve of Alindra’s thigh.

And oh, voids. She’s so wet, so ready. I trace the slick heat coating her thighs, and her hips rock forward, pulsing against my palm, our kiss forgotten as her hands tighten around my shoulders, and she clings to me like I’m the only thing keeping her from collapsing into a heap on the floor.

When my fingers brush the hot, wet folds between her legs, Alindra makes a sharp, gasping sort of cry, almost like she’s in pain. I freeze, although my aching cock makes a valiant argument for plunging on ahead.

“You okay?” I whisper into the thick darkness between us.

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