Page 99 of Defining Us

I just nod a little. “Someday you will be the man who makes the world spin for a special woman. And then you will look back and thank me for making sure you didn’t settle for someone, only to realize I was your second choice all along. I promise, Chase, she is out there for you.”

“Well, can you call her and give her my address? Because I’m getting sick of waiting,” he jokes, knowing it’ll break the moment for me, but there is so much truth in it for him. “Let me take you home. I’ve got a feeling you need some time on your own.”

Standing on my toes, I kiss his cheek. “You are a good guy, Chase Lonigan, a true friend.”

“Fuck, I’ve been friend-zoned, oh the pain of that.” He pretends to hold his heart like I’ve stabbed him. The joking, carefree guy is back, both for me and his own self-preservation.

“Like that’s news, Big Foot.” We both start laughing and the seriousness of the moment is broken.

* * *

Sitting in his car out front of Jordan’s building, I’m not sure I have enough strength to go up and face him, but I don’t have a choice.

“Do you want me to walk you up?” He means well, but that will only make it worse.

“We both know that would be the biggest mistake. I’m fine. He’s probably gone to bed by now, just like you should have. Tomorrow is another day, and I’m expecting you to behave.”

“I don’t know how to do that, hometown girl.”

“Wrong answer.” For the last time, I lean across the center console and kiss his cheek. “Thank you, for everything.”

He just nods at me, knowing what I mean. For the years of friendship, for being so sweet and understanding tonight, and for letting me go. I just wish I could be as brave with Jordan and move on. Starting to open his door, I put my hand on his arm.

“It’s okay, I’ve got this. Goodnight.” And before he has a chance, I’ve opened the door and am trying to extract myself from the seat.

Not saying any more, I close the door and keep walking. Closing the door on that chapter that has been unfinished for too long.

Now I need to pull myself together and tackle the next challenge.

Please let him be asleep. I don’t think I’ve prayed for something so hard in my life.

Slipping out of the elevator, I realize my praying was all in vain as I spot him across the other side of the apartment.

“What time do you think this is?” His voice comes from the couch where he’s sitting, fists clenched together, white knuckles, and his hair looks like he has spent all night running his hands through it and pulling it in frustration.

I’m so emotionally drained and confused, and I’m not in the mood to put up with his crap. Not for one single second. Otherwise, he might hear things from me he won’t like and I can’t take back.

Holding my hand up at him, I make sure he is clear on my mood.

“Don’t, just don’t!” My reply is strong and forceful, but for anyone who truly knows me, they would know it’s also strained and exhausted.

I’m so overwhelmed with everything, I need to get my coat off to breathe. My boot heels click on the floor as I’m walking across the foyer toward the stairs. My back is to him and all I can hear is the growl of sexual frustration that I wanted before I even left here tonight. Maybe that would have made a difference, who knows.

“Fuck my life!” he groans.

Yep, exactly, Jordan, fuck both our lives!

ChapterTwenty

JORDAN

Icouldn’t see her this morning. I got up and left the apartment early for training. I spent the morning walking the field in my own world, trying to calm the raving beast inside me that wanted to be unleashed. Then within thirty seconds of Lonigan being in the locker room, all that effort was gone. He started talking about taking Nat out last night for dinner and then back to his place afterward just to talk. The wink he gave me as he said it and the jeers from around him almost did me in. How I stopped myself from unloading on him is a mystery.

I can feel the anger I have been holding in and pushing down all morning rising up my spine again as the elevator gets closer to my apartment. That asshole knew exactly what he was doing last night and today. I’m lucky the guys were there, otherwise I would have punched the living shit out of him for talking about Nat like that. She’s not some jersey chaser that he can talk trash about. Not that I would ever do that anyway, no matter who the woman was. I try to breathe through my aggravation and convince myself that what he was saying wasn’t really that bad and I’m just overreacting because it’s Nat, but it’s not helping.

One floor to go, now keep it calm. Just walk in there and ask her how her day was. Then after a little conversation, bring up Lonigan and how I don’t want her seeing him again.

The doors open and I see her there sitting on the floor. The sun hits her brown hair up in a ponytail at just the right angle that it’s shimmering. Her skin is glowing and flushed but her face looks lost, like she’s thinking hard about something—or worse still, someone. All the pep-talking in the world just went out the window.

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