Page 27 of Defining Us

“Jeez, like I want to sign my own death warrant, I’m not stupid. But it’s not him I’m worrying about. It’s us. Do you think you can do this, and us still be friends? I don’t want to lose that, it means too much.”

“Jordan, I want this, and I want it with you. Call it friends with benefits or call it whatever you like. I know I can handle it, but can you?” I don’t even need to think about it.

“Absolutely!” Without a fucking doubt.

I can see her bravado starting to wane.

“Is it that I’m not like them, not good enough? Or… is it that you don’t want me?” Her vulnerability in her words spears straight through me and breaks every piece of restraint I was trying to hold on to.

“Since that first touch of your lips I have wanted more,” I whisper, laying her gently back down onto the blanket. Her hands are on my shoulders as I cradle her head in my hands. Barely a breath of air between us.

“Are you sure?” I ask again. Slowly, she nods her head up and down at me, and it excites and frightens the shit out of me at the same time.

The truth be known, I don’t think either of us are sure about this, but the strong urge of wanting to experience our bodies together is outweighing any sensibility.

“Kiss me.” The sexiness in her voice is enough to overtake my thoughts.

Our lips connecting is like the fuse is lit and there’s no stopping this now.

How we got here I don’t understand, but I know I’ll never forget this day.

My mind switches off and hunger for Nat takes over.

Starting to work my kisses down her neck, I know things will never be the same with us again.

How can they be?

NATALIE

Head spinning, my body is tingling, and every single touch is just igniting me further. I can’t believe this is happening.

This is what all my dreams have been made of, but never in a million years did I imagine it coming true. Or that I would have the confidence to tell him what I wanted.

His lips working down my neck is more than I know how to process. It’s like the tingles from his touch there are radiating through my body, all the way to my toes. My breathing is getting quicker, and I feel like I can’t get enough air.

Feeling like a mess, I have no idea what I’m doing, and Jordan is way more experienced. He is going to expect me to do things, and I have no idea where to begin.

“Stop panicking, beautiful. I’ve got you, and we will take this at your pace.” Just the thought of Jordan knowing what I’m thinking helps me to calm a little. Until his fingers brush the skin under my shirt.

My body shivers at the gentleness of his touch.

“Your skin is so soft.” His lips are now kissing my collarbone, his hands sliding farther up under my shirt, and my brain is misfiring. I can’t believe how good it feels. Just his touch. Jordan hasn’t even gotten to any of the places that I think will send me to the moon and back.

“When I do something that feels good, tell me. I want to know what you like.” I can’t even manage to find words. Not that it matters, because this is a one-time thing, so he doesn’t need to find out things for later.

But words, I’m now finding, are part of the buildup to the sex.

Moans, however, are all that I seem to be hearing from myself. Jordan pulls his shirt over his head and the shadows across his abs give them a whole different look from the day in the hallway outside the locker room. They look hotter and like they are going to get me into all sorts of trouble if I start touching them.

But I can’t resist. My hands slowly explore all the ridges.

Feeling him flick open the button on my jeans and slowly push down the zipper, a quiver runs through me.

Jordan leans forward and kisses just below my ear and his words get my attention before my whole world starts tilting.

“Just breathe,” is all I hear in my ear when his hand slips under the top of my panties. My body squirming, I’m trying to hold still, but the moment his fingers slides through my sex, I’m gone. The stars feel like they’re moving, and this is so different to when I touch myself in the privacy of my bedroom.

“You like that, don’t you, Nat?” The wordlikeis so underrated.

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