Page 58 of Burner Account

“The thing is,” I said quietly, “that part that still fucks with me is how he said I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t sexy enough or thin enough or exciting enough or…” I half-shrugged. “It’s hard to shake that off, you know?” I met his gaze as I took a deep breath. “And it’s… It’s really hard to ignore when I’m with someone like you.”

Tanner blinked. “Someone like—what do you mean?”

“Tanner,” I said on a soft laugh. “Look at you. You’re a hockey star. And you’re…” I glanced downward and exhaled. “Oh my God, you’re gorgeous.”

He blushed, but he didn’t smile. He still looked startled. Horrified, even. “Are you…” He swallowed. “Do you think you’re not good enough for me?”

I flinched, but it wasn’t like I could deny it. “I’m… I can’t compete with…” I let my gaze drift over him, because holy shit, he was so hot.

“You don’t have to. We’re not supposed to be competing with each other.” He brought up my hand again, this time to kiss my palm. “You want me. I want you.” He half-shrugged. “That’s all there is to it.”

I wanted to believe thatso damn bad. And in the moment, whenever we were kissing or fooling around, Icouldbelieve it. The problem came when the smoke cleared and I remembered that I’d believed someone else who’d said that in the past, and look where that had landed me. Closing my fingers around Tanner’s, I said, “I don’t mean we’d need to compete with each other. But I’m just… me. If someone else comes along who’s—”

Tanner’s kiss caught me by surprise, and it shut me right up. He let go of my hand, and his fingers slid into my hair, and his mouth was somehow both gentle and unrelenting. Fuck, I wanted this to be as real as it felt whenever we were touching. Whenever my mind shut the hell up and there was nothing but hunger and affection.

After a moment, he drew back and locked eyes with me, his smoldering with desire, but also something deeply serious.

“Isaiah. Listen to me.” He stroked my hair. “Nothing your ex said is true. It was all just bullshit to gaslight you into believing it was your fault he cheated on you.”

“I know it is. I do. I just…” I sighed, sliding my hand up his waist. I didn’t even know how to explain it without sounding pathetic and insecure. Probably because when it came to men, Iwaspathetic and insecure. Being with a man as beautiful and amazing as Tanner probably would’ve silenced a normal person’s insecurities, but it just stirred up fresh anxiety in me. I didn’t think he was the kind of asshole who would cheat and make excuses for it. Then again, I hadn’t thought my ex-fiancé was either. There was only so much a man could take before he started believing he really was the problem, and I could be aware of my ex’s gaslighting and still be terrified the next guy would do the exact same thing.

“I just feel like I don’t have anything to offer someone like you,” I admitted, cringing inwardly, because… yeah. Pathetic and insecure.

“Of course you do,” Tanner said. “I haven’t stuck around chatting with you for four years because I was bored.” He grinned cautiously. “And I don’t know if you noticed, but you turn me on just fine.”

A cascade of doubts came crashing in.

He was turned onthistime. You were the nearest warm body. He was just happy to get laid.

I tamped those down again.

I was about to speak, but Tanner beat me to it.

“For what it’s worth—this?” He gestured at himself. “It’s because I’m a hockey player. Not because I’m something special or whatever. I burn like two thousand calories during every game, and that doesn’t include practicing, strength training, cardio—” He waved a hand. “The way my body looks? It’s not a personality or an aesthetic. It’s literally my job.”

“Tanner.” I touched his face. “I’m pretty sure you could still be on a magazine cover even if you just worked out like a normal person.”

He actually blushed at that, pressing into my touch, but there was only a flicker of a smile before he turned serious again. “So you can understand that I don’t need you to be cut like a hockey player?”

My lips parted, but I didn’t know how to respond.

He slid closer, pressing his body against mine. He curved a hand behind my neck, and as he moved in for a kiss, he said, “I don’t know what your ex was on, but there isnothingunattractive about you, Isaiah.” His lips brushed mine.“Nothing.”And then he was kissing me, leaving me without the breath or the space to question him.

It so hard—just this side of impossible, honestly—for me to believe those words, but the way Tanner held me to him and kissed me… That wasn’t the touch or the kiss of a man who was faking it. Not unless he was a really good actor. And the way he’d looked at me while we’d been screwing—the way he’d raked his eyes over my body and my face like he might just devour me—that hadn’t felt fake.

Sighing into his soft kiss and his strong embrace, I wrapped my arms around him and lost myself in him. My ex’s voice still tried to pour cold water over us, but it evaporated in the heat of Tanner’s body against mine. I pushed that voice out of my mind and let a new one speak up. The one that belonged to the man who could’ve had anyone he wanted, and who somehow wantedme.

It was a good minute or two before we came up for air, and I was startled all over again to meet those dark eyes. On some level, I was still a little starstruck. On every level, I was overwhelmed, disbelieving I was this close to someone who was so beautiful, and I didn’t just mean physically.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “For being so damn insecure.”

Tanner shrugged. “You had someone drip poison in your ear for… how long?”

I swallowed. “Five years.”

“That’s a long time. I think that would stick with anyone, you know?”

I nodded mutely.

---