Page 164 of Alive At Night

I was a shitty friendanda shitty lawyer.

Christ, I’d just fucked Juni over my desk in the middle of the workday without pausing for even one second to think about the consequences. We’d only been dating for a couple of weeks, and already I was throwing away my rationality and commitment to my career.

To be honest, I knew this would happen. From the second her lips touched mine, I knew that if I let Juniper in, she would completely take over. It had been the whole reason I’d tried to push her away, even after making her come apart against our office door. I was obsessed with this woman to the point that I didn’t know how to balance my life in a way where I had room for every part when Juni wasso manyparts of it.

I couldn’t blame it on Juni. Considering how focused she was on her work right now,shewasn’t the problem here. It was me.

What was I supposed to say to Gray?Yeah,man, we can definitely talk about it. But I haven’t done any of the things I said I would do the last time we talked because I’ve been too busy with my own life to care about yours?

Was this who I was now? Someone who dropped the ball when their friend needed them? And not justanyfriend. This was Grayson. I was the best fucking man at his wedding. And Gabriel, who had a congenitalheart defect, was mygodson.

Shame crawled over me, coating my entire body with disgust. I was disgusted with myself. That glow that I’d felt when I walked away from Juni earlier had vanished, and now I only felt…dread.

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed when I heard Juniper sigh behind me, pulling me out of the existential time warp I’d been stuck in.

“Do you want to grab some lunch?”

After swallowing past the dryness in my throat, I shook my head. “No, I should really keep working on…”

I drifted off when I realized I was so lost in my own brain about how I should be focused on my job that I wasn’t even remotely focused on my job and had no idea what I should even be doing.

God, I was a mess.

“Okay,” Juni said, sounding nonplussed about my refusal. “I’m just going to run across the street and get a sandwich. I’ll bring you back something?”

“That would be great.” I turned to look at her, withholding a groan when I saw how happy and pretty she was, especially today. Her hair was curled in loose waves, and her earrings sparkled in the sun when she cocked her head to the side with a grin. I wanted to scoop her up and bring her back home to our bubble. “Whatever you’re getting would be perfect,” I said. “Thanks, Daisy.”

She nodded before grabbing her coat and walking from the room. I regretfully watched her disappear before returning to my computer with a heavy sigh.

Maybe now that she was gone, I could concentrate on doingsomethingfor my job.

But that thought only made a different type of guilt swell inside me.

On top of everything else, I was a shitty boyfriend, too. I should have offered to go with Juni. She was only running across the street, and it was so unlike Juniper to remember to eat during the day that I was sure she’d asked only to spend time together. And what were another few minutes off task in the grand scheme of things?

As if to belabor the point, I barely got through any of my notes before Juni waltzed back into our office. She set a to-go box on my desk before sliding both hands onto my shoulders and squeezing, massaging them.

Oh,hell. Did she not understand that even just a breeze carrying the scent of her fucking perfume could turn me on? If shetouchedme, I was really done for.

“How’s it going?”

Hearing her voice, sweet and tinted with concern, combined with her touch, which made my body heat from the inside out, nearly tipped me over the edge.

“I’m struggling to concentrate.”

It was very much the truth, but the words sounded harsher coming out of my mouth than I’d meant for them to.

Juni’s hands disappeared from my shoulder.

“I’ll leave you alone, then.”

Alone. Yeah, maybe I just needed a little time alone. I couldn’t feel guilty about ignoring Juni if she wasn’t in the same room as me, and I couldn’t get distracted by how perfect she was if I couldn’t see her, right?

Wrong.

Moving to work in the commons area for the rest of the afternoon definitely hadn’t improved my mood. Since I texted Grayson back, saying I would call him later, I pushed all my other work around to focus on Gabriel’s case.

But Gabriel’s case reminded me of Juniper. She’d done most of the legwork with this; she deserved to help me finish it. That meant going back to our office, though. That meant risking another preoccupation.

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