Page 129 of Alive At Night

“I was hoping something like that might happen when you both started at Gardner.” Gemma glanced sideways at me. “Maybe now we can all coexist peacefully.”

I gritted my teeth, wondering if Julian and I dating would help or hurt Gemma’s dream of coexisting. Worry swirled in my gut.

It stayed there, in the pit of my stomach, all through dinner, causing my appetite to dwindle, even though the au gratin potatoes Jenny prepared looked amazing. I took small bites and pushed my food around on my plate until I felt a shiver run up my spine and glanced over to see Julian staring at me from the far end of the table.

“You okay?” he mouthed, his brows furrowed.

No, I wasn’t okay. Everything was utterly the same yet completely different, and I didn’t know what to think.

Around us, Josie explained her latest musical while everyone piped in with commentary about the plot, and suddenly, I understood. I understood why Julian was afraid to change the dynamic we had existed in for so long. This was his home, his family, where things had always been a certain way, reliable and consistent and wonderful.

But while I worked through that dawning sensation for the first time, Julian stared at me with such sureness. He wasn’t paying attention to Josie or his mom asking for the dates of her opening night or Gianna’s under-the-breath teasing of her sister’s butchered audition for the main role that she didn’t get.

He was waiting for me to answer him.

He was waiting.

For me.

Maybe changing the status quo wasn’t so bad. Not when it meant feeling tingly in all of my limbs.

I nodded at Julian, giving him a slight smile, but he didn’t look away. Even once I dropped my gaze and took a bite of my potatoes—a bigger bite this time—I felt his eyes on me. They didn’t leave, not through all of dinner, and when everyone started clearing the plates, I brushed up against Julian as he stood from his spot.

“You have to stop looking at me,” I hissed.

“How? I don’t know how, Juni,” he murmured before clearing his voice and talking normally as he took my plate from me. “Here, I’ll clear that for you.”

Unable to find any words, I let Julian take my dishes, noticing how he once again tried to prolong the minimal contact between our bodies when his fingers brushed mine.

God, I wasn’t going to make it through tonight.

When we moved into the living room to huddle around a colorfully lit, eclectically decorated Christmas tree, I made damn sure to stay clear of Julian. He seemed to be of the same thinking, sitting in a lone armchair near the front picture window. Snow drifted down behind him, and the glow of the streetlamps outside gave him an angelic quality.

Not that I would ever describe Julian that way, although hewasacting sweet tonight.

I curled up next to Gemma on the couch, watching the proceedings as Josie shoved a Santa hat on Genevieve’s head so she could dole out the presents as she usually did. But not, of course, before she snapped a few pictures—some of her and Josie and then some of Gemma and me. Genevieve had always loved photography and photo editing, but lately, she seemed to be taking it seriously and producing amazing results.

A quick glance at Julian left me with a feeling of warmth as he smiled at his sisters. His mom walked over, perching herself on the arm of the chair he sat in. Jenny placed a hand on his shoulder, and he reached up to give it a squeeze before she drifted off to sit next to his dad on the love seat.

I felt that squeeze around my heart. This washisfamily, and maybe I was wrong not to give him and them more space growing up. For crying out loud, it was Christmas, and I knew every one of his family traditions. But Gemma had always insisted, and so did Jenny, John, and all the other girls. So I never stopped to consider how it was perfectly fair for Julian not to want me here. Except now I knew that wasn’t entirely the truth, and if the way he kept looking at me meant anything, it definitely wasn’t true tonight.

Any remaining doubts I had of that vanished when Gen’s surprised and curious voice read, “To Juniper. From…Julian.”

Sitting next to the tree, she stared at the present, a midsized box wrapped in candy-cane-striped paper, before lifting her head to look from me to Julian and back again.

“You bought Juniper a present?” she finally asked, staring straight at her brother.

Julian’s response was cut off by the rest of his sisters chiming in.

“You never buy Juni a present.” Gianna sounded just as confused as Genevieve.

“This better not be a prank gift, Julian.”

That was Gemma.

“Oh myGod, what is it?”

Josie pitched forward onto the balls of her feet, squatting on the opposite side of the couch so she could see over the rest of her family as Gen handed me the gift.

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