Page 115 of Alive At Night

His words made me feel like I was soaring, but then his expression pulled inward again, and I immediately knew my high wouldn’t last.

“But you went on a date with fucking Noah, and now I—” Julian cut short, like he couldn’t even stand to finish the sentence. All of his fire dredged back up again, simmering in every movement. “What happened after dinner?”

At his accusatory tone, my own anger flared. I was still reeling from his words, but in a way, they made everything worse. He had all that bottled up inside him, and hestillpushed me away last week?

It made it seem that much more hopeless.

And I refused to exist hopelessly.

“He drove me home.”

“He better not have fucking touched you,” Julian growled, raking his gaze over my body as though he’d be able toseeif Noah’s hands had touched my skin.

I shivered. And then something unexplainable possessed me to reply, “Unfortunately, he didn’t.”

“Unfortunately?” Julian forced the word out in a deadly whisper.

“Well, no one else is touching me,” I said, rephrasing my words from earlier about the date. He had to understand that if he was going to stick to his convictions about how we couldn’t be, I’d need to move on. I was tired of feeling unwanted. “And I’d rather not remain a virgin forever.”

Julian’s eyes snapped to my face. “What did you just say?”

His voice was eerily soft.

Mine was even softer.

“You heard me.”

He stared, unmoving. His breathing grew shallow, and I wished I knew what he was thinking. I wished I could gauge his reaction, but his expression remained stoic and stunned. When he spoke, his voice was taut.

“You’re a virgin?”

“It’s not a big deal.” I swallowed, suddenly regretting my impulsive confession. “Virginity is just a social construct, Julian.”

“You brought it up, not me.” He leaned closer, a new kind of heat burning in his eyes. “And now I need you to answer the question.”

“You know the answer,” I replied breathlessly.

Despite the cold, snowy night, sweat began to gather on the small of my back beneath my dress. Usually, I hated the sensation. But tonight, I welcomed the warmth that brought it.

“Fuck, Juni.”

Julian abruptly dropped his head. Almost like it had been too heavy to hold up any longer. I felt the absence of his gaze so acutely, my blood instantly cooling. He swore again under his breath as I remained caged between his arms against the countertop. I wasn’t sure what was about to happen, but something was. Something that would either hurt or heal me.

“Juniper,” Julian murmured, raising his head slowly.

“Julian,” I whispered, trying not to look away. I likely should, though. His look was so hazy with lust, and the last thing I wanted was to make the same mistake I’d made before when he looked at me like that.

He brushed a hair out of my face. The tenderness of it completely contrasted his body’s hard angles and delicious weight as it crowded me against the countertop. I barely dared to breathe while waiting for him to say something more, and when he did, his husky voice kissed my skin.

“From now on, if you want someone to take you on a date, it’s going to be me,” he muttered, his fingers dragging along my jawline to my chin, holding on to it so I wouldn’t look away. “And if you want someone to fuck you, that’ll be me, too.” He rocked his hips against mine, letting me feel how ready he was for it. “Not anyone else. Me, Juni. Understood?”

All my nerve endings lit up, blazing, and I had to swallow a groan before speaking. “What happened to just existing?”

“At this point, I don’t even know how to do that without you,” he grunted, dropping his forehead against mine. “I’ve never not wanted you, Juni. I’ve tried for years not to want you, but I can’t do it anymore. I want to be around youconstantly.”

“Constantly?”

Despite the desperation in his voice, I found that hard to believe.

---