Page 70 of On Cloud Nine

Ollie

please don’t tell me we gotta go back to a coworking space

they have the worst chairs

my back can’t handle it

Matthew

I’ll find one with very nice chairs.

Ollie

i don’t believe ya

It’ll benice to work on a project without having to rent the cheapest space available on the island of Manhattan. Depending on how quickly I can use the funds from the trust to develop EcoDrones, we may be able to look into getting a permanent home for our business.

Ollie

how’s the whole fake dating thing going?

fallen in love yet?

I stare at the message.

I suppose I love all my friends. And Molly and I have known each other for three years. So, by that logic, of course I love Molly.

But the feeling I get when I look at her doesn’t quite match the feelings I have toward my other friends. It’s different. Probably because I’m attracted to her. Any human being with a heartbeat would be.

Molly could ruin a man with just her smile.

I can’t deny the dormant emotions that she’s been awakening in me. But the ache of my past clings to every crevice of my body. That yoga class and the confession I wrote down about my infertility are stark reminders as to why I can’t kiss Molly again.

Sharing my inadequacy with her isn’t an option. What if she thinks something is wrong with me? What if she regrets kissing me?

Selfishly, I don’t want to do anything that would change the way she looks at me.

Maybe some deep part of me is afraid that I’m simply not worthy of her.

I glance over at the seat beside me. Molly’s engrossed in a book. The feelings of not being good enough swallow me whole, but I force them away. Exposing this part of my life won’t do us any good, no matter what emotions are brewing inside of me.

Matthew

We’re having a nice time.

I gotta go. Chat soon?

I’ll tell him about the kiss when I get back. Knowing Ollie, he’d probably fly all the way over here just to chat through the details. It’s been a long time since either of us kissed a girl who meant something to us.

Ollie

THAT’S ALL YOU’RE LEAVING ME WITH MATTIE?

Matthew

Don’t feed my cat oreos.

Ollie

---