Page 58 of Our Scorching Summer

His words barely register with a hint of truth. I shake my head at the nickname. Nico has come up with so many names for me; I can barely guess which one he’s going to use next.

“Yes.” I breathe out a frustrated sigh. “But what about daily to-dos? Work goals? A five-year plan?” My voice squawks like an agitated peacock.

“What’s gotten into you?”

“I’m genuinely trying to understand you better.” Maybe I’m also attempting to rationalize the idea of traveling for the rest of the summer.

Nico effortlessly reaches the peak of the trail. I slither down the muscular plane of his back.

“Humor me for a sec,” he says, taking my hand in his. I instinctively yank it away, but he clasps harder.

“No hand-holding,” I remind him.

“It’s an emergency,” Nico whispers.

My eyes roll. “I knew that was going to come back to bite me.”

He leads me to the overlook, not getting too close to the edge, and I peer down the cliff’s drop. TheCariocalandscape is overwhelmingly beautiful. Mountain ranges collide with the bluest sea I’ve ever seen.

“How does this make you feel?” Nico gestures to the view.

I inhale and savor his smell mixing with the summer air around us. Leaves rustle in the wind. Birds chirp.

Ah, peace.

“It makes me feel…nice.”

“And isn’t going to the beach and sipping on fruity drinks nice also?”

It is. Wonderful even. Something to be extremely grateful for, but it isn’t meant to be like this all the time. Between the haze of school and work, I’ve been able to fit in some sporadic fun with Avery or random flings, but like now, those moments were fleeting. “Obviously, they’re great, but they’re not productive. They’re notgoals.”

“You know you have worth even without goals and productivity?”

Do I?

“Yeah, right.” I wave my hand, brushing away his sentiment.

Nico frowns. “Why can’t the goal be to simply have a good time?”

One of my shoulders slumps. Panic needles into my brain again. I guess no number of mind-blowing orgasms will save me from facing reality.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“I guess I’m feeling guilty.”

Nico turns toward me, concern lacing his features. “About what, Lil?”

“I’m not in New York right now, actively looking for a job. I’m also not taking summer classes to speed up my major or paying rent for my room at Molly’s.”

“You’ve got a lot on your plate, beautiful.” He swipes a few frizzy strands of hair out of my face. I only now realize he hasn’t let go of my fingers the entire time we were standing here. “Let’s think about this for a sec. Semester doesn’t start until August, right?”

I step forward, dropping out of his reach. We can’t break rule number two any longer.

“Yeah.” I sigh. “End of August.”

“Then everything you’re worried about at this moment isfutureLily’s problem. Not current Lily’s problem.”

If only it were that easy. “Future me likes to be prepared. If I don’t get a new job, I can’t know my schedule, and if I don’t register for classes, then I can’t tell my new boss what my hours will look like—”

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