“I told you what happened with Elias freely. I trusted you—”
“It’s not that I don’t trust you—”
“Then do you still love her?” As I said the words aloud, I was horrified. If that were the case, I’d be sick to my stomach.
The rage he felt was one of the worst I’d ever experienced. “Is that a serious question?” His eyes were ablaze in ferocity. “You feel my love and obsession every day. My desperation is so fucking potent, it wakes you up from a dead sleep. You knew I was in love with you far sooner than I had the courage to fucking say it.”
“You didn’t answer the question—”
“No—for fuck’s sake.”
I looked away.
“You know how furious I am that you feel you need to ask?”
“Well, I’ve had a man tell me he loved me before and then run off with someone else, so…” The pain was still raw, not because I cared for Elias anymore, but because I was terrified I would experience that again—but lose my soul this time.
His anger lowered from a boil to a simmer. The seconds trickled by as he let the anger fade until it turned cold. “I don’t talk about Ellasara because I’m ashamed, not because I hold affection for her.”
My arms crossed over my chest. “Why are you ashamed?”
“It’s a very long story—if you want to listen.”
“I do.”
“This is the only time I will ever speak of her. So ask your questions and satisfy your curiosity when I’m finished.”
“Okay.”
He took a quiet breath, his eyes tired like the story already exhausted him. “She was an enthusiast who captured my attention and held it. I loved the taste of her blood the way I loved her body.”
It was hard to listen to him describe his affection for another woman. He’d barely begun, and I already wanted to ask him to stop.
“First, it was lust. But she satisfied my every desire and turned it to love over time. That love deepened until it became its own entity. It was the first time I’d ever felt that way for someone. I’d never intended to marry, but she changed my opinion. I married her under the oak on the cliff, and we were happy.”
I wanted to jam daggers into my ears to make it stop.
“Well, I was. To her, it was just a scheme,” he said. “As the Queen of Grayson, she was privy to all knowledge. I never withheld anything from her. I shared my life with her completely. We had a plan to defeat the Ethereal, and on the eve of battle, I couldn’t find Ellasara. I was petrified that something awful had befallen her. The sheer terror…it nearly killed me. In my distraction, the Ethereal launched their attack…and we nearly lost. A lot of my people died. A lot of Cobra’s people died. Come to find out…Ellasara used that information to barter an entrance into Evanguard…and become one of them.”
Now I wanted him to stop for another reason.
“She never loved me.” He said it simply, without anguish. “It was all a long-winded plan that gave her the power she craved. She never wanted to be a vampire, but atrue immortal. My foolishness cost more than just my heartbreak and pride. It hurt Grayson, the people who pledged their loyalty to me, and I’ve never truly recovered from that. My own people hated me for some time, but eventually forgave me.”
Now I wanted to rip that bitch’s hair out.
“My father lost all respect for me. My brothers were disappointed. That’s the worst part…”
“It wasn’t your fault—”
“Don’t.” He closed his eyes. “I understand your good intentions, but nothing you say will make me feel better. I’m a king, not a pawn in someone else’s game, and I learned that lesson the hard way.” He opened his eyes once more. “Women have just been food and sex. I didn’t think I’d ever be capable of deeper emotion again. Capable of love and trust. But then you came into my life. You started off as a pain in the ass…but now you’re everything to me.”
There was so much I wanted to express, but there were no words. “I’m sorry…” It was the best I could manage.
His eyes were steady on mine. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“It’s okay…”
“No questions?”