Page 19 of Only in Your Dreams

Zac’s eyes mirror my question, but with a knee-buckling layer of concern wrapped around it. I scramble to my feet. Brooks stares in shock. Across the fire, Summer is standing, staring apprehensively.

Color floods my face, my neck, probably my entire body. I back away from the fire. “Sorry, that was… such a strange reaction. I think we need more firewood. Right?”

I hurry to the path leading into the woods, scrambling over raised roots and stones to get as far from that campsite as I can without losing sight of the fire to help guide my way back in the dark. I come to a stop by an enormous tree, clutching it to help keep me upright.

What the fuck have I been doing?

Better yet, what the fuck has Connor been doing to me?

I just had a meltdown after accidentally spilling beer on a guy who didn’t care.

You’re such a fucking klutz, Melly.

Connor used to say it with a laugh. All breezy, like we were both in on a joke.

But I wasn’t, was I?

Because what came after the laugh were the pointed remarks. The looks of disdain. The walking on eggshells if I’d done something he was particularly offended by. No amount of apologies would soothe him until he decided he was done being upset with me.

How… how the fuck am I only seeing this for the first time?

None of this—the control, the walking on eggshells—had occurred to me in the month since the breakup. And how pathetic am I that it took four people gently pointing it out within the span of a couple days to realize how I’d been living?

This is it,isn’t it? a voice whispers deep in my brain.This is why you haven’t missed him.

I turn my back to the tree and slide down its trunk until my ass hits the ground. It helps shield me from the roaring wind, which seems to have picked up in the past few minutes alone.

Stupid, stupid girl.

“Melody.” Zac’s voice is clear over the wind and my heart sinks.

I’m sitting here panicking over the last six years of my life. I don’t need him to add another eight years to the pile, up for examination. Zac finds me in the dark almost easily, and crouches in front of me. He’s close enough that I can see him blink in the pitch black around us.

“I can’t handle any more right now,” I tell him. “Whatever you’ve come here to say, please just don’t.”

“I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Do I look okay? Did any of that back there look okay? I just lost it over spilling a bit of beer on your friend’s shoes.”

He’s silent for a beat. Then: “Was he ever physical with you? Connor?”

I rear, the back of my head hitting the tree I’m sitting against. “Never. That wasn’t how he’d get.”

“How would he get?”

“Just… I’m not sure,” I say slowly, shoving the hair off my face. “I guess I felt guilty a lot.”

“You were going to eat that cheese, weren’t you? Instead of saying something?”

“He made me feel ungrateful a lot, too.”

What the fuck have I been doing? What the fuck, what thefuck—

Zac releases a quiet breath. “Fuck, Mel. I’m so sorry.”

I fist my hands, refusing to let myself cry in front of him. I’ve humiliated myself enough today. Shown my weakness to a man who’s already proven he’d shove a spear into my heart given the chance. And now he’s here, acting like he cares.

It dries my tears right up. Simmers my blood in a way I haven’t felt in years.

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