Page 45 of Only in Your Dreams

He doesn’t even look at me. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re different. You used to be… happy. You used to smile, laugh all the time. It was your thing. I used to love that about you.”

“That was a long time ago.”

“Seriously, what’s with you? Summer calls you the Ogre of Oakwood, so I know it’s not about being stuck here with me—”

“Let it go, Melody.”

“How is it fair that we spent the past couple of days talking about my mess of a life, and when I ask you about yours—”

“Fine,” he shoots, meeting my eye at last. “You want to know what happened to that smile you love so much—”

“Loved.” I don’t know what makes me say it other than the need for him to know he didn’t hold something over me all this time. “I don’t love anything about you anymore.”

He throws out his arms as though to sayexactly.

“Welcome to the club,” he says quietly. “Self-loathing is a hell of a thing, Clover.”

I don’t understand any of this. The red shoelace, the self-loathing. The look like I blew his soul right out of his body the second I told him I’d gotten over him.

The story is black-and-white: I put myself out there ten years ago. He walked away. If he’s as crushed about it as the red string suggests, he wouldn’t have left. Or he’d at least have reached out. Responded when I did.

This is utter bullshit.

My palms find his chest. And I mean to push him away. I mean to walk off, to get my stuff packed and ready for rescue.

I really do.

But my fingers seem to have a life of their own. They seem to forget who he is, how badly he hurt me. They curl, twisting the cotton of his shirt into my fists. Zac’s gaze leaves mine, settles on the way I’m gripping him, keeping him close.

It’s ten years ago, in my bedroom. We’re standing at the door. He’s about to leave, and I utter two reckless words.

Except, we’re not. We’re alone in this forest, backed up against a tree, with mud at our ankles. I’ve just realized the kind of monster my ex was, and learning that has shattered my heart into so many more jagged shards than Zac ever did.

Just this once, a tiny voice in my head says, searching for any flimsy excuse.Just to know what he feels like.

Just to get Connor out of your head. So he isn’t the last person you’ve had.

Let yourself indulge in the fantasy of Zac Porter. Just once.

Zac takes hold of my wrists where I’m still gripping his shirt. “Melody, I’m sorry I was harsh—”

“Kiss me.”

He freezes. “What?”

My heart is thumping in my throat. I think I might be on the precipice of a huge mistake. I’m a terrible judge of character, after all.

Only, I’m not sure I care right now.

“I want a do-over,” I tell him. “Kiss me.”

Chapter 11

Melody

Ithink I’ve shocked the life out of him.

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