Page 73 of Memories of Me

I SAT ONthe balcony of our hotel suite, watching a tree sway in the wind, trying to block out the images of the crash. The gravity of my loss.

"I thought you might be cold." Brandt wrapped a blanket around my shoulders.

"Thanks."

"Do you want some tea or something?"

"No, I'm okay."

He sat next to me and let out an exhausted breath. He bent over his knees and rubbed his face hard.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked hesitantly.

He sat back in the chair and studied me. “Man, Bay, when the trains collided, I couldn’t get to you fast enough. Grady and I had no idea what had happened. To us, it felt like a simple jolt, but then overhead lights went out, and a sick feeling consumed me. We raced to the window and saw the fire and overturned cars. I don’t even know what was driving me because the adrenaline was so strong.” He shook his head.

Sobs caught in my throat as I relived the nightmare with him.

“When we got to the first overturned car, we had to hop off the train and run alongside the outside. The debris was everywhere, Bay. It was like a plane crash site. And the screams…” He brushed his hand over his face.

I buried my face in the blanket, drying my tears. “You don’t have to talk about it.”

He turned to me and stared, but he wasn’t looking at me. He was seeing the accident all over again.

“Once we got to what we presumed was our car, there was no way in. It was overturned and the door in the back was jammed, so Grady helped me climb to the top. The view was horrific from above. I couldn't tell where the front of the train was because it mangled with another train that also had overturned cars, and the smoke billowing from the flames was so thick it was hard to see. I climbed through the window, but I was not prepared for what I saw. Blood splattered everywhere and body parts. But the worst part was the eerie silence, and when I saw your wedding dress my stomach knotted so tight, because how could anyone survive what I was standing in the middle of? How Bay?” He choked on his tears.

I cried along with him. He had been acting so strong, but that was all it was, an act.

“Grady found Tessa first. He might be alive, Bay, but I swear I saw him die in that moment.” He tried to shake off the memory. “When you responded to my call, there was nothing else. In that second, it was just you.”

He fell to the ground in front of me, wrapping his arms around my waist and burying his head on my lap. We sat their sharing the grief and losing ourselves in the nightmare for a long time, and then the door slammed shut, startling us both.

"I'll go." Brandt got up, but I followed and the stench of alcohol was thick to Grady's room. He was lying on the bed in the dark.

"What do you want, man?" Grady rubbed his eyes.

"You all right?" Brandt asked.

I stayed hidden behind Brandt.

"Yep, I'm golden. My girlfriend and parents are dead. All good over here. Now, leave."

"And the alcohol?" Brandt pressed carefully.

I peeked over Brandt’s shoulder.

Grady sat up. "So what? Are you my keeper now?"

"You're not even twenty-one yet. Where did you get it?"

"They don’t card at the bar down the street. I'm going to be twenty-one soon, so ease up. It never stopped me before. But, seriously, man, I'm great." Grady got up and went into the bathroom, slamming the door.

I squeezed Brandt’s shoulder, and he placed his hand over mine.

“He’ll be okay. I did the same thing after Chris died. It’s how the Reilly boys cope, I guess.” He sighed.

WE STAYED ATthe hotel for the week leading up to the funeral. I never left the suite. I sat on the balcony most of the time still processing that Tessa and my parents were gone. After Brandt’s breakdown, I rarely spoke. For the first time in my life, I was lost. Grady had taken up drinking to cope. I wished it were that easy for me. Brandt tried to talk to me about it, but I sided with Grady.

"I'm worried about him. He's been drunk all week," Brandt said, sitting on the other lounge chair.

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