Page 32 of Memories of Me

"It's fine. My head is in a different place now."

I knew he believed that, but I wasn't so convinced. "You didn't answer my question."

"I guess I didn't. Yes, I was talking about Tessa." He stood up. "I'm going to fill her up." He lifted his glass again. "I'll be right back."

I watched as he retreated inside. Ugh! I was bringing back all the horrible things they had been running from. I was tearing them down while they were trying to lift me up. A loud crash had me off my feet in a split second and running through the slider to find Grady sitting on the floor with his knees to his chest, the glass of vodka splattered on the kitchen wall, and shards of glass scattered on the floor. I ran to his side, carefully avoiding the glass the best I could, and wrapped myself around him. He was shaking violently, and sobs filled the space around us.

"I'm so sorry, Grady. I'm so sorry." I didn't know what else to say. He was still grieving the loss of the only woman he had ever loved and his parents and who knew who else. All I could do was be there for him, like he was for me. He leaned into me and let me hold him, letting me try to mend his shredded heart…letting me just be there. Something I had a feeling he needed.

He looked up at me, and the pain hidden within his eyes nearly broke me down to tears. He suddenly grabbed my cheeks and kissed me. He kissed me hard with all the pain he was feeling. He kissed me fervently with all the love he had for Tessa. He kissed me, and I let him. If this was what he needed, I would give it to him.

He pulled away. "Dammit!" he shouted to himself. He got up and stormed out the front door.

"Grady, stop." My shoes crunched over the glass as I raced after him, catching his arm just before he got into his car. "Stop, please. It's okay." He wouldn't look at me. "Look at me, Grady. Please." He slowly faced me. "I'm not mad. It's okay."

"Dammit, Freckles. You remind me so much of her. I miss the hell out of her." He held back more tears.

"I know you do. I know. I can't bring her back, Grady. I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I could make it better." The way he looked at me made me cringe, like I had violated him.

"Me, too."

That was it. He got into his car and drove away, leaving me baffled.

What was I doing to these boys?

Brandt said I saved them, but all I saw was that I was condemning them to reliving a past they spent the last year eluding. I hated admitting it, but I needed to leave. I needed to do this on my own. I needed to figure out who I was and who that man was that loved me so much. I needed to find me…by myself.

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