Page 29 of Memories of Me

"Don't say that. Ever. Please. You gave my brother and me purpose again. We both had lost so much in that accident."

My stomach turned. It sounded like there was more to the story, but I was too scared to ask. "Why were they on the train?"

Another tortured deep breath escaped him. "We were taking a trip north to celebrate Grady's girlfriend's acceptance into a college there."

"We? You were on the train?"

"Yes, we all were."

That was when I really saw Brandt. He was vulnerable and defeated and he was still grieving. They both were.

"Grady and Tessa were going to get married while we were up there. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, but we loved her, so we all jumped on board, so to speak."

"Was Tessa's family with you, too?"

"Yeah. She and an older sister. We were all pretty close since Grady and Tessa had been together since freshman year of high school. We were one big happy family."

Hearing the pain in his words was heartbreaking. "Did her sister…?" I couldn't even finish.

"Yeah, she’s gone." His arms were draped on his knees as he recanted the worst year of his life.

"Is that who I remind you of? Them?"

"Yes, there are a lot of similarities between you and the sisters."

I put my arm over his shoulders and rested my head on him. "I'm sorry."

"So am I. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them. Time will never heal. That's such a stupid saying. It only coats the pain temporarily. There are always leaks I'm sealing up when something reminds me of them. It doesn't hurt any less. It never will. Time is torture. That's all it is." He snatched a handful of sand and threw it at the fire.

The hostess, Natasha, who greeted us the other night, came out with two other boys and trays full of food.

"Just put them out on the blanket," Brandt instructed.

They quickly placed the spread in front of us.

"What, no wine?" I teased. They had left behind large bottles of water and a couple of plastic cups.

"I think you had enough wine for the month."

"I think so, too."

We shared a cleansing laugh.

"Will you eat with me?" he begged.

"Yeah," I said as I picked up a fry and shoved it into my mouth. We sat quietly for a little bit as we nibbled on the food and watched the fire crackle under the stars. "This is kind of cool," I finally said.

"It is, isn't it?" He smiled.

My thoughts kept returning to how lucky I was they found me.

"What are you thinking about?" He looked at me curiously.

"I tried to kill myself."

"But you're here."

"I am."

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