Page 92 of Tapped

Chase yawnsthrough the small screen.

The wine and my frazzled nerves are a dangerous concoction. Emotions mixed with anger from not being able to snuggle my son before bed are proving to be too much. I have no tears tonight. Anger is winning, and I don’t like it.

My parents are kicking ass at the grandparent gig. Chase is exhausted. Too exhausted to miss me. He hasn’t asked when he gets to come home.

That should make me feel better, but it doesn’t.

“Mama?”

I swallow my rage and even my expression. “Yes, baby?”

“Where’s Dad?”

Shit.

Every emotion I had melts away, and panic replaces them.

I wasn’t prepared for this. Not over the phone.

“Why can’t he stay with me until you find a babysitter?”

“Chase, it’s almost time for bed.” My mom tries to distract him. “Tell Mama you love her.”

“No, Mom. It’s okay,” I interrupt. She’s deflecting for me, and I love her for it. But I’m done protecting Jeff. Even if I don’t tell Chase the whole truth, I can ease him into our new family of two instead of three. I look at my son’s dark eyes through the phone and pray he’ll forgive me someday for not protecting him better. “Do you remember a long time ago when I said Dad was going to move out and live in a different house?”

His little face screws up the way it does when he’s tired and he has to think harder than normal. “Maybe.”

“Well, it’s happening. Your dad won’t live at our house any longer. Very soon, your dad and I won’t be married anymore.” It kills me to lie to him, but for as long as I can, I’ll bend over backward to hide the fact my son’s father is a monster. “We both love you more than ever. That will never change.”

Memories of the accident flood my psyche. I wonder if he remembers the last time we had this conversation. I don’t want to trigger him—he’s done so well in the car recently.

“Where will he live?” Chase asks.

I muster up a smile and hope it doesn’t look pained. “Not here. He’ll live somewhere else. I’m not sure yet.”

There. Not a lie. I have no clue which prison he’ll be assigned to.

“Do I have to go stay with him?”

This time I do not hold back. “No. Never. You never have to leave our home to stay with him.”

“But Lanie has to leave to see her dad. You said I’d have to do that too.”

I shake my head. “Not anymore. I want you to understand that. Okay, baby? You’ll never have to stay with him.”

“Okay.” The tension melts from his little frame and he yawns. “I’m tired, Mama.”

“Be good for Grandma and brush your teeth. I love you, baby. I miss you so much. I’m doing everything I can so you can come home.”

He nods and blows me a kiss. “Love you.”

I return his kiss. Gone are my anger and panic. My eyes well. All I want to do is hug him. “Love you too. Only a few weeks left until school starts. Maybe Grandma can help you look for some new shoes online. I already have your uniforms.”

“I want light up shoes.”

“I’m sure Grandma can do that,” I say.

“Light up shoes will be a distraction at school,” my mom says from the side. “I’ll buy you two pairs—light up shoes for at home, but no lights at school.”

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