Page 46 of Tapped

It makes me feel alive and grateful for the chance to have helped people when my patients needed it the most.

Until today, it’s something that has been private and personal. Call me selfish, but I like it that way. It’s been a time for me to reflect and remind myself my patients are more than just that. They’re fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, grandparents.

Someone important to them lost a friend.

It’s my way of privately honoring them.

And all these years, I’ve kept it to myself.

So, sitting at a funeral next to someone with their arm around me felt foreign. I couldn’t stop thinking about the man who held me tight to his side. Focusing on Micah was the easier choice. So much better than fixating on my life falling apart.

My empty house is a constant reminder of why it’s not safe for my son to be with me where he belongs. The ache deep in my chest is nagging and tender. I miss Chase so much, and he hasn’t even been gone for a full twenty-four hours.

To make matters worse, tomorrow is Saturday, and I’m not on call. I’m here by myself all weekend with no distractions. I could call Andrew or Cadence, but I don’t have the energy for them.

I stared at my phone for an hour before I texted Micah. I only wanted to thank him for what he did for me today, but it turned into something else entirely.

A mess.

I don’t even know what to do with myself.

And that entire text string…

Mortifying.

Utterly and completely.

I don’t know him and have no clue what he was doing, but I played into every single thing he said. I was desperate to make it better and blew it up into a catastrophe.

And it sits on my phone for me to read, reread, and read again.

If it weren’t for the fact he offered to help find the person Jeff hired, I’d delete the entire string and block him after all he’s done for me, even though it’s against my nature to do anything like that.

Guilt.

I’m drunk with it right now. Had I listened to my family and seen Jeff for exactly what he was, I wouldn’t be in this situation.

I wouldn’t have Chase, either, which makes regretting Jeff even more of a shot to the heart.

My need for a distraction led to the most mortifying text string in the history of cellular communication.

And because Micah doesn’t deserve to get shot over me, I did exactly as he told me to do. I called Vincent and told him Micah was stopping by to question me further about Jeff.

And now I’m wearing a path waiting for him. Dammit. I have no clue how long I’ve been pacing, but it feels like hours.

There’s an orange glow over my street, echoes from the sun, closing out this day from hell. I know the faster I wish it away, the sooner a new one will begin.

Headlights round the corner. The same Tahoe that ushered me safely to and from the funeral today pulls up next to the car sitting at the end of my driveway. Micah rolls his window down, and I have to crane my neck to see what’s going on.

They visit for two minutes before Micah pulls into my driveway.

Damn my conscience. If he got shot, it would’ve been his own doing for coming here uninvited.

My phone vibrates.

Micah – Call off the dogs. I’m here.

Me – What? I don’t have a dog.

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