Page 60 of Heir Of Sun And Moon
“We don’t have much time together,” she replies, the scent of jasmine winding through the universe I lay in to embrace me again. “It is time for you to leave.” Her voice sounds much closer to me than it ever has before. I tilt my head to the side as much as I can in both directions, but I see no being.
“He will never let me go,” I whisper, knowing in some way that she is telling me to leave my tower. The woman hisses—surrounding me with an eerie rumble—but I know she is not angry with me. Her fury visibly passes by me as I lay there, reds and blacks and grays of all shades on a mystical wind which holds so much contempt that it sends shivers through my body.
“He is a broken man. Now so twisted and consumed by rage and revenge that he cannot see what he has become. He cannot see that he is something he onced feared,” she intones as a calming and comforting breeze grazes my skin. “It is time to go east. To follow the stars above the ancient trees.”
“I don’t know how.” My voice sounds small and cracks with the truth of those words.
“You have everything you need to leave,” she cryptically answers.
I sigh because I don’t. I’m not strong enough or brave enough or—
“You are,” she interjects, that floral breeze again caressing me. “You are all those things and so much more. But you cannot linger. It is time to gonow.”
This is the closest the woman has ever come to sounding aggressive while speaking to me. My mind weighs her words and the inflection with which she speaks them. How can she believe that I’m strong when I am so broken? I turn my gaze up to the stars twinkling above me, my hand lifting to try and grasp at them, but failing. They surround me in all directions but are an eternity away at the same time.
“It is time,” she repeats.
“Okay,” I whisper as my hair begins to whip around me. A warm sensation wraps around my heart, weaving in with the icy shadows. Overwhelming them until all I feel is safe and cared for and— I sense myself become heavier, each layer of me starting to fall back into place piece by piece.
“He is good—” Her silvery voice is cut off as my soul is knit back into place within my body and I fall and fall and—
The tingling of my skin wakes me as I sit up quickly and look around the library that has grown dark as the night progressed. After the king’s visit, I was too wound up, so I came here to read. The flame gem on the table in the corner of the room glows, lighting the rows and rows of books. I’m lucky King Dolian didn’t come in here.
My chest tightens as I remember my visit to the Middle and my instructions to leavenow.I wish I could understand the feeling of familiarity I have and why I justknowthat these visits and the woman I speak with aren’t fragments of my subconscious. It isn’t a dream despite the fact that I have only been able to end up there while I’ve been asleep.
A painful reality that I’ve been avoiding is now laid bare before me. I have been pretending, enjoying the distraction and the daydreams of “what if.” But the chilling truth is that I have to leave this tower, and I have to do it tomorrow.Alone. Even though I want Flynn to help me—more than I have ever wanted anything, besides saving Alexi—the truth is that he can’t. With the blood oath, he can’t help me escape and, therefore, he can’t know about my plans. I think about his offer, the way his eyes lingered on mine, our almost kiss… and a tear falls. Because, while Flynn may want me, I think a part of him knows that I could never be what he needs—what he deserves—in return. The pieces of my soul are scattered in the wind, ripped out of me too many times to ever fully be put back together again. I’m a shell of a person and he is like a full moon in a midnight sky—brilliant, comforting, and amazingly beautiful but also completely out of reach. Like trying to hold onto a smoky tendril, my hands will never be able to fully grasp him. And maybe that’s why he’s never acted on the invisible string that feels pulled taut between us.
I let the tears fall, mourning the life I might have had in a different time—a different world—and then I wipe them away and begin to plan.
The entire next day moves much too quickly while I try to figure out how I can leave with next to nothing. My dresses are laid out on the bed in front of me as I wonder if I can somehow tie them together to make a sort of bag to carry supplies within. Suddenly, the door to the tower swings open and slams into the wall. I yelp in surprise as Bella ducks down on the bed. Walking over to the railing, I look over and see the gruff dark haired guard that is part of the king’s trusted standing with a medium supply box in his hand.
“Your supplies are here,” he grunts, like the mere act of giving me anything at all is too much of a burden for him.
I stare in pure confusion as I try to work out the days in my mind. I definitely received a delivery last week. Flynn brought it in and helped me unpack it. Which means Flynn doesn’t know about this delivery.Tienne and Erica—it must be from them.My brain must be functioning too slowly for this guard because he dramatically grumbles and then drops the box on the ground unceremoniously.
“Empty the supplies out, and leave the crate outside the door.” The guard then turns to leave before I answer.
Once the door is shut, I bolt down the stairs—Bella on my heels—and grab the box. For a second, I start to slide the lid off before I realize that I should open it in the loft in case my suspicions are correct. Running back up the stairs, my heart beating fiercely, I plop on the bed with the box. Peering inside of it, it would look like any normal supply drop off: various foods, some more soap and paste for my teeth… It’s all that is visible from the top with the lid off. But as I take more and more of the items out, I see something hidden at the bottom. It’s as wide as the box itself, and a strap lays across it diagonally. A rich black leather satchel, big enough to fit clothes and food in, is tucked at the base of the box. Lifting the satchel out, I marvel at it—dragging my fingers along the supple front of it—and the timing of receiving it just now. It’s as if Tienne and Erica knew that I would need this before tonight. Reaching for the lid, I’m about to slide it back on when I see the box is not empty.
Gasping, I shakily reach in and grasp the pair of shoes that were hidden under the satchel. No, not shoes—boots. They are just as soft as the leather of the satchel—except, instead of black, they are a beautiful, rich brown. Instead of being tall and bulky like the King’s Guard uniform boots, they are slender and only appear long enough to go past my ankles. Immediately, I sit on the edge of my bed and pull one of the boots on. It feels… odd to wear them. There is a slight pinching around my toes, but I suppose that makes sense considering I’ve never worn shoes before. Pulling the other one on, I stand up to walk and nearly trip myself.
“Bella, look at me!” I yell, trying to get her attention as I gingerly move around the loft until I start to feel a little more confident. Her pointy snout twitches in what I imagine is amusement while her eyes scream indignation. “We are leaving tonight, Bella! We have everything we need now, and with the extra food I—” I’m interrupted when the door to my tower opens and the guard walks in. I quickly hide behind a wall and start working to get the boots off. The first one comes off after a few tugs, falling to the floor. I cringe, freezing for a moment before I move on to the other foot.
“I asked you to put the box outside,” he grumbles, steps sounding on the wood floor below. “Are you up there?” His voice trails off before I hear him start moving again and his boots sound on the metal staircase.
I curse under my breath as I try to get the other boot off. My heart beats furiously as I pull and pull untilfinallythe other boot pops off. I toss it on the ground and run to grab the box. Three steps later, I’m standing at the top of the stairs blocking the guard from going up any farther as I hold the box out to him.
“Here you go,” I say, the honeyed smile on my face making the guard’s steps falter. He tries to look past me while grabbing the box, but I angle my body to block his view, leaning my shoulder against the wall. His dark eyes narrow, nearly level with mine from where he stands on the stairs. I’ve never stood this close to one of the King’s Guardsmen before, and my nervousness grows as I take in his appearance further. The gold armor makes his lightly tanned skin gleam—so different from how Flynn’s olive complexion seems to glow on its own—while long layers of raven hair frame his sharp jaw.
“Next time, follow directions,” he snaps before turning to go back down the stairs. I watch him the entire way, keeping my fake smile on as he takes one more look in my direction. For some ridiculous reason, I throw my hand up in a little wave, wiggling my fingers until he scoffs and finally walks through the door.
Once it closes, I drop my smile and let my shoulders sag. Opening the trunk at the foot of my bed, I take out my single pair of trousers and Alexi’s old undershirt and set them, along with a clean pair of undergarments, onto the bed. I then grab additional undergarments and one of the more simple dresses I own and place them in the bag, figuring ease of movement is more necessary than looking good in the forest. Moving to my vanity, I grab the hairbrush and a ribbon. I eye my toiletries. As much as I want to bring everything, I don’t have room for it all when I consider the food that still has to be added. So I choose a bar of soap, a container of mint paste and the brush for my teeth.
The last thing I put in the satchel is the food I was given today. It makes the bag bulge, and I have to heave it over my shoulder, but everything I need to finally leave is there. Taking the bag off and setting it up against the wall downstairs with my boots, I decide getting Bella and I clean should be a priority, since I’m not sure what the bathing situation will look like while I’m traveling. So I take my time, soaking in the steaming waters and scrubbing myself twice over.
When I’m done, I drain the tub and put in fresh water, coaxing Bella in. Bathing her today takes much less convincing than it normally does. Maybe she really does understand that we are leaving tonight. The rest of the day is spent reading, both out of comfort and out of nerves. HoldingThe Little Sun,I sigh, chewing on my lip as my eyes glaze over the words. Though he hasn’t left a note, I assume Flynn will stop by tonight after his guard duty ends. My heart feels stretched thin at the thought of him knocking on the door to an empty tower. Feeling too antsy, I lay the book down on the bench and walk out of the library.
For the final time, I open the balcony doors and step out. My gaze draws east as I take in the field of wildflowers that leads up to the forest. My eyes close as I picture what it will be like to finally drag my fingers along them, feeling all of their delicate petals for the first time. I get so lost in the daydream that by the time I open my eyes again, the sun is getting ready to set. Walking back inside, I slip my feet into my boots, clasping the three small buckles, and lift the stuffed bag over my head. The strap settles across my chest as the weight of the satchel digs into my shoulder.
