Page 26 of Bailey

“Hey, Little Dove, why did that sound like such a sad sigh? If you want, you don’t have to take a rain check from me,” Gray said. He scooted himself up the bed gingerly so he was sitting up straighter and grabbed the handles of the bag to help me lift it onto the bed.

“Rain check?” I asked with a smile.

“Anytime, anyplace. Now, where did that overthinking brain take you?”

“It’s not important,” I told him as I opened the bag to check its contents. This bag had all the surgical and suture kits, so I re-zipped it and placed it by the wall. I had a ton of bins that I kept all of my medical supplies. I’d have to get them from the hall closet. Just sorting through what we had would be a big help for now.

“Bailey,” Gray warned. I sighed and looked at him as I hefted another bag onto the bed.

“Am I not able to keep my thoughts to myself anymore? Do I have to spill every thought in my head to you all? Cause I have to tell you, that would be far more boring than you think,” I huffed.

“No, you don’thaveto share everything with us, but if it has to do with what’s happening between us, we’d like you to. We can’t read your mind,” he said softly.

He had a point. I would want to know their thoughts if the roles were reversed. It was the only way to make sure everyone was on the same page. And this way, I could find out sooner than later if this is just a convenience thing or if they really did want me.

“I was just thinking about how happy you’ve made me since you got here and how good it feels to be desired in a noncreepy way. I’ve never had that before. Then I thought maybe it was just because I was the only one around, and someone better might come along one day, and you would leave.”

“Bailey,” he repeated. He stilled my hands with his own, rubbing them with his thumbs as he waited for me to look up at him. I looked up into his vivid blue-green eyes and waited for him to continue speaking. “If this was an ‘anything with a vagina that walks on two legs and has a heartbeat’ type of scenario, do you think we would care so much about you? Or invest so much time into you and make sure that you’re comfortable with everything? Or go out and get building supplies so we can fix this place up for you?”

“I guess not,” I conceded, feeling a little embarrassed.

“We desire you to distraction because of you, not because of what you could do for us. We like you, not just for all of this,” he said, gesturing to my body, “but for what’s up here,” he said, tapping my forehead. “And for the smart mouth connected to it.” He brushed his thumb across my bottom lip, and my tongue darted to taste him automatically.

His eyes heated as he continued teasingly, “It’s hard not to fall in love with the half-dressed sexy as fuck woman who pointed a loaded shotgun in your face and demanded to know what the fuck was going on.”

I smiled before my brain latched on to the ‘fall in love’ part. “Love?”

“Love,” he confirmed. “I know you aren’t ready and probably aren’t capable of hearing that right now, but I suggest you tuck it away in the back of your mind and let it marinate because I’m not the only one who feels that way, Little Dove.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that as my brain tried to understand it. Love didn’t exist in the apocalypse, or it shouldn’t. Love clouded your judgment and made you do dumb shit. I reminded myself about what Boone had said about love and how it isn’t bad and guides our decisions. Only time would tell how love would play its hand here.

“Now,” Gray said, changing the subject, “what the hell is going on here, and what are these bags?” I smiled and began explaining what we would do this afternoon, happy to move on to a lighter subject.

Matty left several hours before dinner time, giving Gray and me time to sort through all the bags from the hospital. We had also gotten a cast on him, and he was now sitting at the kitchen table with a pair of crutches propped up next to him. Caleb had offered him the wheelchair, and Gray told him to stick the wheelchair up his ass and go for a spin.

When they were switching out the freezers in the basement, Pike had set aside a few rabbits to cook for dinner with some potatoes from the garden, and the meal was delicious. He had a natural talent for cooking. I insisted I do the dishes tonight, ignoring their protests. Once I had finished cleaning the last plate, Pike reached over from his seat and pulled me into his lap. The idle chatter that had been going on ceased as silence fell, and all eyes shifted to me.

“Ok, Sweetling, I know it’s an uncomfortable topic, but we’d like to know why you have so much anxiety about having an orgasm,” Pike said.

I took a few deep breaths, got up, pulled a bottle of whiskey from the back of a cupboard, and brought it back to the table. I poured a few fingers of the liquid and sat back in Pike’s lap. “Help yourselves,” I said softly. “I have more stashed away. I don’t drink it much, just on occasion.” Nobody moved as they waited for me to begin my story. It took a few gulps to empty my glass, and I used the burn to remind myself that I was in the present and safe.

“Uncle Jordan had been Dad’s friend and had taken care of us for six months after the outbreak. A couple took us in when he didn’t return from a supply run. I was still ten when we moved in with Scott and Jenny. I remember thinking how great it was that we had a family again. A mommy and a daddy to care for us so I wouldn’t have to worry about Matty. For a ten-year-old, it was a big weight lifted off of my shoulders.”

The room seemed to still and grow silent like we were in a void, as if even the air around us knew that my story was about to take a sick turn. Pike rubbed my forearms encouragingly as I gripped my empty glass tight. I hadn’t ever really told anyone any of this before. Even when I had told Jenny I hadn’t gone into details.

“I think we were there two days when Scott began to come into my room every night. I want to say he took his time and worked his way up to raping me, but that wasn’t the case. I was so scared and confused. I was only ten, and I knew that it was wrong. I went to Jenny thinking she would do something, and she told me that if I wanted them to let me and Matty stay there, I’d better get used to it.”

Memories flooded me as I thought back to that first week. I remembered each time vividly. Pike silently reached forward, grabbed the bottle of whiskey, and poured a generous amount into my glass. He then poured himself a finger worth and tossed it back. When he was finished, he slammed his glass on the table, making me jump.

“Easy, Pike,” Boone murmured. I drank down my whiskey again and continued.

“Anyway, as I said, I was ten. At first, just the act of raping me seemed to be enough for him. I learned early on not to struggle. Struggling made it worse and usually came with a beating. After a few years, that wasn’t enough anymore. That’s when the name-calling started.”

This time, Ethan reached for the bottle and poured himself some, drinking it down with a grimace that almost made me smile.

“He started mocking me, calling me all sorts of names, telling me what a whore I was and how sick I was to want this. I didn’t. I didn’t want it!” I exclaimed.

My chest tightened, and I started breathing heavily. Boone poured himself a shot, then passed the bottle back to Pike to give me more whiskey. I had never had so much in one night, but it helped anchor me. Pike had barely lifted the bottle from my glass before I raised it to my lips. I didn’t empty it this time, opting to take a healthy sip to preserve the burn.

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