Page 71 of Resistant

Looks like it’s going to rain. I stomp to the door, as thunder shakes the house and fat drops splat on the concrete in front of me. I want to run off this excess energy, but I purposefully walk as if I don’t have a care in the world, because I know that Knox is watching.

The Best Laid Plans

Brynn

Declan and I use our time ironing out details with the elite group for our exit plan. We often have Sasha over to work out our own concurrent plan because, wellKnox.

Declan has not heard back from the Mole and he’s getting crabby. Tomorrow he’ll make a report to the superiors about his work progress, which thankfully Riesa has been able to supplement so he has a report to make.

Our next move is to set up a timeline. All this planning has got me on edge, and I find myself jumping at small noises and fearing the things that go bump in the night. If it weren’t for Declan, I wouldn’t sleep a wink.

Thankfully, Knox is absent from several meetings, so I haven’t had to contend with him. But since he has kept his distance, I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. There is no way he has given up on me, and I don’t understand why he’s infatuated with me; I mean there are other women who would willingly worship him.

I never found out what happened after Declan confronted Knox. Declan refused to speak of it, and the anger that rolled off him in waves was terrifying. So, I left it alone.

Declan is not helping my headspace either. He’s made a few declarations that are not exactly professions of love, but it’s enough to make me uncomfortable. What expectations does he have for us?

I thought it was about sharing intimacy and helping one another, but now I’m not sure. And I’m tormented because of it. I never set out in any of this to start a relationship, and now I’ve accidentally done just that.

None of this is fair to him, and I don’t know how to talk to him about it. Moreover, I worry if I try, it will drive a wedge between us, and he won’t help me get out. And I need him.

I sit on the back stoop outside the kitchen. I miss the sounds of the birds and the squirrels. I can’t see much beyond the Gray, but I have the illusion of being alone out here. I kick at the dirt with my shoe, and I’m berating myself for my poor choices.

I hear the door slam on the other side of the house.

“Brynn?”

“Back here.” I call out.

“Hey, Angel. What are you doing out here?”

“Just berating myself for my life choices.”

Declan looks at me in confusion and his face hardens and goes blank.

“Yeah? Solve any of the world’s problems?” he asks with a small smile, lowering himself next to me on the stoop.

“Nope.” I sigh.

“Anything I can help you with?”

And right there, the guilt and shame that’s been blooming in my chest bursts forth and I find myself staring at him.

I hear a buzzing in my head as my adrenaline spikes, and I realize this is the moment where I need to confront whatever this is that Declan and I are doing. This is the moment when I need to come clean and absolve myself from it, or beg for forgiveness.

“Maybe. I’ve been thinking about you and me, and how things have changed so much since the move.” I pause trying to gather my thoughts. I’m picking the bark from a stick, and I’ve looked away from his face, focusing on the stick.

When I glance back up at him, his face is blank again, and I shudder at what I’m about to say.

“I don’t know if this is such a good idea.”

“What is not a good idea, Brynn?”

“You and me. This.” I point to myself and then to him.

“I don’t know if we are both in the same place, and I feel like I might be accidentally lying to you or misleading you.”

“Accidentally lying, what do you mean?”

---