Page 11 of Devil's Crossroad

I watch as my son sleeps on my bed in our room. It’s hard to believe how a child can rest and look like an angel no matter how much upheaval is in their lives.

My son, Brecken, is going through his terrible twos. Let me rephrase that: he has been going through terrible twos since he turned one and learned to walk. I have loved every minute of it and wouldn’t change a thing. He’s a few weeks shy of three now and is still in that stage. It’s more of a battle of our wills. He wants everything he touches in his mouth. He wants to run and never to walk. His answer to my no is to throw the most significant hissy fit that is too cute, for now anyway; in a few years, I am thinking not so much. I know the parent in me says to correct him, but my heart says no. He takes naps under duress and has no love for me anymore. Bath time is a constant fight of splashing me with the water and eating comes down to me bargaining with him to eat his vegetables before dessert. Am I complaining? No, I love my son beyond words; I’m just exhausted. That’s the life of a single mom. I never knew I would use the strategies from my business degree with my almost three-year-old son.

Are you wondering why I am doing this by myself? Easy, the sperm donor is an asshole, and I won’t let Tonka, my ex, close to our son. Go ahead, call me a spiteful bitch, I won’t let his father’s life touch my son. The guilt runs through my head, but then I am reminded why I keep Brecken away from his dad. Please sit down and pull up a chair, and let’s dish. You better get yourself a drink; you’ll need it.

To begin with, I was raised around a motorcycle club growing up. My dad was an active member of the Rolling Spirit MC for as long as I can remember. Don’t make assumptions; my dad was a loving man and was up to the day he took his last breath. I never for a second ever questioned how much he loved me. I was just blessed with a big family. Did I know that our family wasn’t the typical family you see on all the sitcoms on television, but you know they weren’t like me either, and I loved my family and still do?

My mom, Ginger, and dad, Damien, were married for over thirty years. My dad was home for dinner more nights than he was away and never missed a school function I participated in. That’s more than you can say about some dads. Most importantly, I always felt loved and never feared anything because my dad had me. His words and actions spoke volumes of how well he had my back in every aspect of my life.

I met Tonka right after I graduated high school at seventeen. He waited a year before approaching me; we had dinner right after I turned eighteen. Tonka had just earned his patch into the Destiny Wrath MC, a support group of my dad’s club.

When I graduated high school, I received a few college scholarships. I earned my associate’s business degree in two years and then went to work for the club, helping with keeping the books and looking for other legit ways to bring in money for my dad’s club. Was everything always legal? No, but they were striving to become fully legit.

Like many club relationships, the romance between Tonka and I was a whirlwind. Tonka wanted his ink and leather on me before anyone else could see me—his words, not mine. Let us slow down, but I was coerced by all the hot sex and blinded by my love for Tonka. I was naïve enough to believe that love would conquer all. They say hindsight is 20/20.

I wasn’t stupid about how the club operated; I knew how some club relationships worked. The man can have a wife, an old lady, and girlfriends. I wasn’t cool with that at all, and I never would be. My parent’s relationship wasn’t that, and I let Tonka know that I wouldn’t tolerate him putting his dick in any other woman or having any woman’s lips around his dick. That was my line in the sand. I had two no-goes. One was not cheating, and the other was that he never raised a hand to me in anger. I would reciprocate the respect. The rest of the club world I would deal with. His club wasn’t even close to legit, but if I loved Tonka, I had to accept the club the way it was without judging. He agreed to both my terms, and I told him I would take his club, but I would never be involved with their club's illegal activities. Two years seemed like enough time to get to know someone, but his club was demanding of his time, and I had a lot going on, too, so it seemed like a flash.

Mom cried, I cried, and then I left to start my life with Tonka. Tonka and I agreed that I would do online courses to finish my schooling to get my bachelor’s degree while I worked at the Rolling Spirit MC, while Tonka worked his way up the ranks in the Destiny Wrath MC. When I worked in the degree program and had my bachelor’s degree, I would leave my job, and we would start a family. Our life plan was mapped out.

I received my degree two years later but was offered a significant raise to stay at my job with the Dad’s Club. Tonka liked the bottom line, and we agreed that I would continue my career and we would put off having children for a few more years. Tonka wanted that we were comfortable in the money department and that he could buy more of his collectibles that he enjoyed showing off. That lasted for five years. We enjoyed our newlywed stage, and I was never once suspicious of anything Tonka told me. I could have been too naïve regarding relationships or blinded by all the great sex and what seemed like a good marriage. One thing that Tonka and I never had a problem with was sex. Ours was chemistry was always hot, and our sexual appetites were compatible. We both enjoyed sex as often as possible. It was hot, and neither of us wanted plain sex. It had to be spontaneous, inventive, and raw.

Tonka came home one day from the clubhouse and said it was time for us to begin our family. I mean, it was just like that, no discussion. It’s like I had no say in it whatsoever. I had my doubts. Where did the idea come from? Tonka persuaded me that a mini him or me would be a fantastic addition to our life together. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. It had always been part of my life plan, and yes, I had a life plan before Tonka; it may have changed a little, but I still, to this day, have one. With Tonka being on board with the idea, how could I deny my husband the child that he wanted even if he wouldn’t share with me the reasoning behind the why now? I should have asked more questions and not quit until I received answers. I’m the type of person that I need all my questions answered. I let this one slide. I should have got my answers in hindsight.

I threw away my birth control pills, and for the next three months, we tried getting pregnant the fun and spontaneous way. Each month, my visit from Mother Nature was right on time, and I was disappointed, but Tonka took it harder and seemed irritated that I wasn’t getting pregnant. A few of the old ladies in the club announced their pregnancies, and Tonka would get more upset each time, and again I should have questioned him more about it instead of kissing his ass while trying to soothe him out of the temper tantrum he worked himself into.

After the third month of no success in the baby department, Tonka insisted that a doctor check me out, so I made the appointment. The doctor ran the test on me but wanted Tonka to undergo a similar ordeal. Well, my husband was not all right with that one. He insisted there was nothing wrong with his swimmers: it had to be me, and I needed to be fixed.

I went through my temperature every day. We were refraining from sex except for when I was ovulating and my most fertile time of the month. That put a kink in our relationship, and Tonka’s temper was always short. He started not coming home at night and giving me the excuse that it was club business. That could have been true, but my gut told me a different story. I was trying to be understanding, but the morning that Tonka came through the front door smelling of sex and some woman’s cheap perfume, my patience went out the window along with all his clothes. That’s right. I’m not one of those stand-by-my-man women who become the little woman who gets walked on. Tonka wasn’t amused; well, buddy, neither was I.

Tonka tried getting heavy-handed with me, but I showed him what a cast-iron skillet was for, and we played some grit ball. He returned to the clubhouse, and I went to my parents’ house. I thought we would calm down and work it out, but Tonka had other ideas.

I stayed the night at my parent’s house but went home the next day to find all my things packed and by the curb. I let myself in the house, and Tonka sits on the sofa with a bottle of whiskey.

“Yesterday should have never happened. I should never have raised a hand to you in anger. I don’t know what happened to me. I was just filled with anger. You know that isn’t who I am.” Tonka explained and tried to smooth everything over, and I listened. “I just wanted a child and thought it would happen quickly for us. I mean, we fuck like bunnies, so the thought of one of us having something wrong with us never entered my mind. My brothers are all knocking up their old ladies, so I thought it would happen for us.” Tonka says it as if he had rehearsed what he would say before I got here, and I took that as a good sign. “Damn, I missed you last night.” Tonka gets up, puts the whiskey bottle on the coffee table, walks over to me, and takes me in his arms. I relaxed, and it felt good that my man understood. Not everyone can conceive in the first few months. Sometimes, it just takes a little while. It’ll happen with a bit of help from the doctor. I want Tonka to be open to the idea of being tested since the doctor already said that there was no reason for me not to be able to conceive.

“So, you’ll be tested like the doctor suggested?” I ask. I barely get the words out, and Tonka turns me to him, and we kiss, and then kiss some more. I don’t mean a few smacks; these were panty-melting, toe-curling kisses. The man owned my body with those kisses. I have never been able to resist Tonka’s touch. Tonka deepened the kiss, and before I knew it, we were tearing each other’s clothes off as if our lives depended on it. It was a race to see who could disrobe the other the fastest. I climbed Tonka’s body like a monkey in heat. We were both taking what we needed from the other. We had time to talk later. I needed to feel my man inside of me. I felt the need rising to a fevered pitch, and the lust I felt was a desire that needed to be fulfilled before I had to take matters into my own hands. When both of us were naked and ready for the other, Tonka walked to the back of the sofa, bent me over the back, and buried himself inside me without another word. The initial penetration stung just a little. Tonka isn’t a small man; he has a giant dick, and I know when he bottoms out inside me. I’d feel it later when walking funny, but it is a welcome ache.

Tonka was unrelenting in his strokes as he powered into me. We were both breathing hard, and the grunting from each pounding had me needing more. Tonka’s hand came around, and he played with my clit giving it the attention it craved. Tonka then moved my hand so I could pleasure myself as his pace picked up. I was so close, and I pinched my nipple, and I felt the quivering of my muscles begin. Tonka was stroking faster and going deeper. I felt my pussy contracting as Tonka filled me with his cum. I exploded with an earth-shattering second orgasm as Tonka didn’t slow down his rhythm. We were both breathless, and it took a few minutes to recover. I was still happy from the orgasm I had needed so badly, and Tonka grabbed my t-shirt from the floor where it had been discarded and threw it at me. I can’t forget the following words he said to me. They are seared on my heart and in my soul.

“Clean your ass up and get your shit and get out. You’re a good fuck, but your shit is defective, and I want a child. I just needed one more taste of you. You can’t give me what I want, but I will find a woman who can. You can consider yourself unclaimed, and my attorney will be in touch with the divorce papers. I warn you, Lara, sign the papers and don’t give me any shit, or I will make your sorry life a living hell.” I was still trying to recover from the sex, and Tonka told me to leave. That our marriage was over. I was pissed, and why I went after him.

“Half of everything is mine. I worked just as hard as you did. We are buying this house, and my name is on the note at the bank. I won’t just trust you to take care of it.” I say as I wipe myself up and find my panties and my bra to put on. I knew there was no use to argue with this man. Once he gets in a mood, there will be no arguing with him. I think I was just too shocked to argue the point. Why would Tonka make love to me if he wanted me out? Because he didn’t. He fucked me. He was saying goodbye to me. I couldn’t believe it. Why would he treat a woman he said he loved that way? He treated me like a two-bit whore, and what is worse, I let him. I walked into the other room and removed the t-shirt; I didn’t want Tonka’s smell on my clothing. I got a T-shirt from his dresser, put it on, and argued with that man. I knew he wasn’t finished hurting me with his words, and if I was leaving, then I wanted him to know it would be on me, but he would never hear that.

“Woman, you get what the hell I say you get. The bank will be taken care of. I won’t leave you hanging with the payments. I am paying it off before we go to court. I am going to the clubhouse. Load your shit and leave your keys. It was fun, but I’m through with your ass, so don’t make this a problem, or trouble will come your way, and stay away from the clubhouse. You are no longer family and not welcome, and that comes straight from Peels, his club’s president. The old ladies are off-limits, too. Don’t answer their calls if they reach out, and don’t initiate any contact. You better hear what I am saying and do what you are told, or I will be coming to visit you and your family. It would be a shame for anyone to get hurt. Destiny Wrath is about finished being the Rolling Spirit MC’s gophers and clean-up crew.” I couldn’t believe the contempt in Tonka’s tone. I thought the clubs were in a good place. I didn’t know there was any friction between the two clubs. It was like I had never met this man. Overnight, he had turned into someone that I don’t even recognize. I had heard him use this tone with people he has dealt with for the club, but never to me. I couldn’t give up on us so quickly.

“Tonka, I love you. I thought that you loved me and we were going to have a life together. This is just a hiccup in the road. I’ll return to the doctor or find a new doctor.” I pleaded with the only man I had ever loved. I swallowed my dignity and tried to persuade him one more time. I couldn’t see my life without Tonka without feeling a pain in my chest where my heart is located.

“Woman, I’ve made up my mind and have another woman moving in here tomorrow. One that can give me a child, and she isn’t defective. You need to get your ass out and stay gone. Whatever you leave this time will go to the trash. You have your car and what you brought into this marriage, and that is all you’re entitled to. You have a checking account with your money, so you don’t need mine.” With that, Tonka grabbed his clothes, dressed, and left me sitting there. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. I walked through the house, making sure everything of mine was gone. I found a few things we bought together that I didn’t want to leave behind and set them aside. I did something I was not too proud of then: I went into the small office we had and shared. I went through our papers and took everything I might need when we go to court, along with a paper trail I had put away for a rainy day that had to do with Destiny Wrath MC’s illegal dealings. We might need it one day to get Tonka out of a bind. I needed to protect myself even if Tonka gets pissed. Tonka, in normal circumstances, would never hurt a woman, but I had heard the threat in his voice, and I knew my man could be ruthless if he needed to be. I gave the house one more look-through and then went outside and loaded up my car. Everything I owned fit in my small car. If that doesn’t sum up my life, I don’t know what I did. If I weren’t locked up for it, I would burn the house. I felt like a spiteful woman, but I was also hurt. Tonka just dropped me like a fucking hot potato, and he was moving on. Where was the love in this situation? I thought he might think about it and come to his senses, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath, and to tell you the truth, I don’t think it would ever work between us again. He had burnt that bridge. I would not be a weak woman like I had come off as when He shocked me with this bull shit. I set my mind to what I would do next.

My next moves showed I wasn’t holding out hope. I used my cell to make a few calls. I called and canceled the insurance on the house and had the utilities scheduled to be turned off. I explained that I was going through a divorce and that under no circumstances could the utilities or insurance be put back in my name or anyone else claim the deposits coming back to me since they were paid from my account. I would sue if I did not receive the deposits owed me from the utilities. That got their attention fast. I had the deposits sent back to my parent’s house. They were all in my name, so the only thing that could happen to me was that Tonka could release his wrath on me. I wasn’t going to worry about it. It was time for some payback.

I realized that my marriage was over, but I wouldn’t slink away with my tail between my legs nor let Tonka think he could bully me. I was a grown-ass woman, and I dared him to talk to me the way he did or to treat me like something was wrong with me because I couldn’t get pregnant on demand. Fuck him and the steel horse that he rode in on. He wanted to throw a temper tantrum and expected me to take it lying down. This woman wasn’t made that way, and he would soon know how true that was.

Then a calm came over me, and I turned back around because I remembered that I forgot to leave the keys behind, and I didn’t want to give Tonka another reason to come looking for me, or did I? Nope, I would not try to crawl for that man. He did this, not me.

I go to the garage, find a few things I will need, unlock the door, and go back in. I go to the front closet, where we keep all the extra stuff we store in the house, and get what I want.

I carry the bat in the living room and sit it down. Then I go to the bedroom that we shared since the day that we were married. Our wedding picture is still sitting on the dresser. I go to the closet, take all the vintage band t-shirts I bought Tonka since I met him, and jerk off the hangers they are on. This is only one of the things that Tonka enjoys blowing money on or wants me to spoil him with. I have an armful, and then I get the new leathers that I bought Tonka for his birthday, take the chaps, and drop them on the sofa. I take the t-shirts, put them in the washer, push the button for the hot water, and then empty the bottle of bleach over the t-shirts as the water fills the machine. It's a good thing I kept my house stocked with extra cleaning supplies; I’ll need more than just one gallon of bleach. I shut the lid on the washer and then walked away. That makes me feel better about all the money I spent on those shirts, but I’m not finished yet.

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