Page 13 of Facing the Pain

“I also hope you understand that I need to get on my bike and go for a ride. Right now, all I want to do is fuck you senseless and you aren’t ready for that yet. Not physically or mentally.” I know Deacon is right, so I won’t even argue with him. I’ll miss our normal routine or what I have grown accustomed to, but I need to think this through. I don’t even know if I trust my own judgement. I have no past, but does that mean that I can’t have a future? Does my life have to be at a standstill because I had the misfortune to be in a car accident? Deacon is right, no matter how much I want him to stay, I need time to think.

“When is this dinner you asked me out on happening?” I change the subject to a safe one and pull further away from Deacon.

“Don’t be going to deep into that head of yours. I just need to calm myself down with a ride on my bike. I’ll be back around seven to pick you up and take you on your first motorcycle ride.” I don’t know what excites me more—the date or the idea of getting to ride on Deacon’s bike.

Chapter Twenty

EVE

What does one wear on a date with a biker?

Iam the most nervous I have been since I woke up and didn’t remember anything. I’m going on a date. I know it’s one of those things every female and male do but I don’t remember ever doing it. Then again, I didn’t remember a kiss until Deacon kissed me. I have nothing in my memory to compare that kiss to but I am sure I would have internally combusted if it hadn’t been so darn short. That leads my mind to wander to what else my body has experienced that I can’t remember. I know I am pregnant, so I have experienced much more, but the feelings aren’t remembered. That put me in the tizzy I am in now. What if Deacon wants more? Don’t all men want more? I know I want more of those kisses. What if my body has forgotten what to do just like my memory disappeared? Will I be a disappointment? What do I wear on this date? I have my clothes that were in the duffle from my car. Deacon got those and my purse full of money. Who carries that much money with them but doesn’t have a phone that is workable? I had two of those store-bought phones, but neither was activated. My mind is a mess, and it won’t focus—one thing at a time. What to wear on a date? Deacon said we were going on his bike. Should I ride on his bike? Something way back in the back of my mind is telling me no. I know I can’t ride on his bike because I am pregnant. That is a reason, a reason I will be bringing up, but there is something else. I don’t know. I’m driving myself crazy. Clothes, that’s what I need to concentrate on. For a female, I didn’t bring many clothes, just the bare necessities. I must not be a frilly type of woman because if it’s not jeans and a t-shirt, I don’t have much. The one splurge I had in the bag was a nice vintage leather jacket and a nice pair of leather boots. Maybe I knew I was pregnant, and I would need new clothes soon, so I didn’t over pack. That makes sense to the woman with no memory so maybe it did to the regular me. The decision is made for me—jeans and the nicest t-shirt I have. I do have to say the t-shirts look vintage with old bands on them—AC/DC and Black Sabbath are a couple. I decide on a Guns ’N Roses t-shirt with the best-looking jeans I have. The one thing that it looks like I never skimped on was sexy underwear. I have some nice sets and decide on the deep purple ones. I may not have the clothes to look sexy on the outside, but I will know I have sexy underwear on anyway, even if I am the only one to see it.

I shower quickly and get myself dressed. I blow dry my hair. I look in the mirror and something seems off to me. It seems like I should look familiar to myself, but it’s like looking at a stranger. Everything doesn’t fit. I know the bruises and small cuts are all from the wreck but when I look at myself, nothing looks familiar. I wonder if there is anyone out there that looks like me. I have blue eyes but my hair seems too dark, or maybe I have lost weight. How does that even make sense? I’m pregnant; I should be gaining weight. Maybe someday I will know, or I may just need to accept I will never know. If I had family out there missing me, wouldn’t my picture be on the news. Maybe no one out there misses me at all. Maybe I’m a bad person, and no one cares. It’s all too much to think about. I just know right now I want to look nice for Deacon on our first date. I don’t have to know who I am or where I may end up to do just that. I just want to be a woman tonight and forget all my worries. Tomorrow I will go back to worrying and making a plan for me and my baby.

Chapter Twenty-One

DEACON

Making Eve Mine

Iknow when I leave Eve in her new home I have to get away for a while. What is it about this woman that gets under my skin? I’ve never been a saint when it comes to women. I fuck them and move on. I don’t like return performances. People get hurt that way. Since the day I walked away from my family, I’ve never had anyone special in my life. Duke and Dad killed the good inside of me when they took the woman I thought would be mine forever away from me. Why? Because they could. They were trying to teach me that there was no woman that I could trust in life. They not only jaded my outlook, but they also lost me. David “Jules” Lake was grooming me to take over his chapter of the Rival Sins MC. I am the son he put all his expectations on and just like he crushed my dreams, I crushed his by walking away from him and his club. I never looked back. Jules isn’t to be trusted and Duke is just as bad. Duke is Jules’s lap dog. It’s like the man was born without a thought of his own but he was born with plenty of cruelty running through his blood. Both men are ruthless and will destroy anything good that is put in their path. I may not be a good man and some of the things I do for my club are questionable, but we don’t hurt people for the hell of it. I take my job as the sergeant-at-arms seriously and I am damn good at it. The Sons of Wrath MC only goes after people who have fucked with us first, but women and children are off-limits. That’s what has me riding back to the clubhouse with one thing on my mind. Eve and I are going somewhere. It scares the hell out of me, but I want my brothers to know that this is no longer a job where I’m concerned, and that Eve is mine. Her and her child are mine and I will give my last breath to hide her from Duke and Jules. I know I should come clean with Eve, but I need to make sure she knows my feelings for her are strong. I can’t make myself stay away from the woman. I don’t know if it’s love, but it is something so strong that I can’t fight it. I don’t want to. I want Eve to have the same feelings for me but if she can’t ever get there, then I will be happy with her letting me be close to her. I just need this settled at the club and I don’t want to think it all to death.

I turn into the drive of the clubhouse and it looks like a lot of the brothers are here already. No better time to get this over with.

I park my bike and walk into the clubhouse. It still smells of stale booze, smoke, and sex from the party last night. I wasn’t here but I know how every Saturday night ends up. The brothers wouldn’t be up and around if it weren’t for our Sunday morning meetings. We all may party hard, but no one misses Sunday morning church. This wasn’t the first party I missed, but it is the first one I don’t regret missing.

I am the second brother in my chair and Garner looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

“I have a prospect on Eve so I wouldn’t miss this morning. I have something I need to bring up and get a vote on this morning.” That gets Garner’s attention as the brothers file in and take their seats. We don’t normally vote on anything on Sunday because everyone is too hungover. Garner bangs his gavel.

“Sit your asses down. This meeting is happening now. Brother Deacon needs to say something, and it seems like he wants a vote on it.” Garner smiles. Is Horn smiling too? All the brothers sit down, and Garner looks at me as Kentucky shuts the door. “Talk, brother. I need some food in my gut to soak up all the whiskey I drank last night.” I know I am going to catch shit for this but here goes…

“I am claiming Eve before the club. This is no longer just a job for me. She’s mine and her child is mine.” I thought I would catch some shit for doing this, but I never guessed my brothers would laugh at me. What’s so damn funny? “What the hell is wrong with all of you? Are you all still drunk off your asses?”

“Do you think we’re idiots?” Horn asks.

“It’s been written all over your face since the very first day you met Eve. Don’t ever try being a poker player, you’ll lose.” Kentucky barely gets that out, he’s laughing so hard.

“This isn’t funny. I’m damn serious.” Garner gets himself together.

“Deacon, we have no doubt you’re serious, we’ve had a pool going on to see when you would finally see it. What does Eve have to say about it?” Garner asks, straight to the point. “We didn’t give her our protection from Duke to make her commit herself to you.”

“I can claim Eve before the club without her accepting. I am giving her my protection. I’m working on the rest. You know I would never force myself on a woman. I just need time.”

“Are you going to tell her everything or is it all still a secret? You know secrets always come back and bite you on the ass,” Kentucky asks.

“I will tell her but in her time. She needs time to adjust. I want her so wrapped up in me that she won’t want to leave when she finds out. I know how that sounds and I don’t say it lightly, but I mean every word,” I answer honestly.

“What if she gets her memory back and pulls a runner on you? Are you going to be able to let her go? What if your brother finds out she’s here?” Horn asks.

“I won’t let Duke or Jules hurt Eve or her child. If I know Jules, he’ll want the child to raise so he would get Duke to fight for it. The best thing would be if it’s a little girl and then Jules wouldn’t care.” That part is easy to answer but the second part, not so much. “If Eve remembers her real identity and wants to leave, then I will help her go wherever she wants to go. It’s the right thing to do.”

“Have you thought about when the time comes and you need to face your dad and brother? If this thing blows up and they come for Eve, you know the club has already voted to protect her. Are you prepared for that?” Garner asks me.

“I am the sergeant-at-arms and I always do my duties. I left my family behind when they tried to control me. I wouldn’t let them control me then and it won’t happen now.” I don’t even need to think about it.

“It’s hard to put family down no matter how much they need it,” Horn puts in.

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