Page 71 of Kept

Truthfully, I don’t think I can be this close to her and not touch her. My body is fucking vibrating from the effort.

“Ryder?”

I choke back the thoughts clouding my head. “Yes, princess?”

“Why don’t you… why don’t you want me here?” She turns to me, those fucking green eyes pools of sadness that I can’t even look at. Her words finally register, and I frown.

“Why would you think that?”

She shifts in place, her eyes dropping to her drink. “You said… earlier. In the dungeon. You said you didn’t want me. I thought – well. It doesn’t matter now.”

Fuck.Fuck.I knew she was upset – Maverick told me to pull my head out of my ass, but I thought he was being dramatic.

“Listen to me,” I say firmly, turning to her. Her hair trails behind her as she peeks up, her expression crestfallen. My hand physically aches with the urge to reach out, to push the loose strands away, all the better to see her face. “Zella… I do not want you to leave.”

Her expression stutters. “I don’t… I’m sorry. I don’t understand.”

I keep forgetting that this is all fucking new to her. Groaning, I press my hands into my eyes. I’m fucking this up. I know I am.

“Look,” I say finally. She waits patiently. “You’re welcome here, Zella. I mean it. Our home feels brighter for you being part of it, and I don’t want you to leave.”

She half smiles. “But…,”

“But,” I emphasize quietly. “I can’t give you what Enzo… and maybe Maverick can. Not like that.”

“Because you don’t want me,” she emphasizes, and I throw my hands up.

“I do want you,” I blurt out. “I just… Ican’t, Zella.”

“You want me,” she whispers. She sucks in a breath, and fuck if her face doesn’t look hopeful. “Then why—,”

“I am not good enough for you,” I say, and my voice is harsher this time. “You need to understand, Zella. Whatever you have with Enzo and Maverick – I cannot be part of that. Do you understand?”

Her face falls. “Why would you say you’re not good enough?”

Jesus. I’m no good at this emotional shit. I turn away from her, not wanting to look at those damn doe eyes for another second. Then I spin back.

“Is this what you want, then?” I ask roughly. Setting my cup down on the side with a bang, I move towards her, my body pushing her backwards until she’s pressed against the refrigerator door, our hips pressed together so she can feel exactly how hard I am. “You want my cock, Zella?”

Just like everyone else.

She swallows, and then she tries to push me back, but I’m not budging. “You wanted it, princess,” I breathe. “I’m at your disposal.”

Now she looks like she’s going to cry. “Stop it.”

“No,” I push out, my throat dry. “This is what you wanted, right?”

She shakes her head, white-gold curls flying everywhere. “Not like this. Not when you’re so cold.”

I feel cold. Ice-cold, as I lean down and whisper in her ear. “I am cold, Zella. Don’t mistake me for anything else. I want you to stay, but I can’t give you whatever it is that you think you want. Whatever you see when you look at me… I am not that man.”

I thrust my hips against hers, once, and then pull back, shoving my hand into my air and turning away as I stalk across the kitchen. She doesn’t let me get more than a few steps away before she’s on me, her finger poking into my back. “Don’t walk away.”

“What?” I bark, spinning around. “What, Zella? This is what I do. Do you understand that, at least? This isall I can fucking do. I am awhore, princess. I fuck people to get what I need from them.”

Her jaw tenses, nostrils flaring. She looks angrier than I’ve ever seen her. “Don’t talk about yourself like that!”

“Why not?” I challenge. “This is the truth, Zella. You want to hear about my last job? I fucked a woman to get back the necklace her lover gave her because he wanted it back. I have fucked hundreds, if notthousands, of people.”

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