Page 51 of Alien From Ashes

Except this fall was like stepping off a cliff. No warning, no slow-motion— only the sensation of leaving my stomach behind as I zoom into an abyss.

Last time I fell in love, I hit rock bottom. But something tells me loving Kalla is another beast entirely. See, I’m not sure I’m in love. I only know the potential of love is there lurking.

But Kalla knows his way around a kill shot. So I’m probably doomed.

* * *

There’splenty of company here on the ship, but I still feel alone now that he’s gone. What am I supposed to do with these feelings if he never comes back? Could I truly mourn him if I never accepted this mating call? Preemptive guilt is washing over me at the thought that he could die, and I’d never get the chance toknowhim, not really. If I expected him to join the defending ships at Kar’Kal, I could’ve mentally prepared for him to be in physical danger. But then, he seemed so blasé about our mission.

If even a fraction of Raffa’s tall tales contain truth in them, then this is just another week for him. Yet another dangerous deed. Does this mean that if I give my heart to him, I’ll be forced to feel the threat of his impending death hanging over me with every mission? Any time he’s called to action, I’ll have this vise tightening around my throat? I clutch my neck as if I’m really going to choke.

“Kalla’s disappeared, just like that, huh?” Raffa stomps into the room, squeezing his ball in his fist with a death grip. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”

The boy’s eyes look wild, like he’s had a revelation.

“Why? This crew has important work to do for the Ka’lakka and that includes some detours. He assured me he’d be f—”

“He’s the Ashbringer,” he says to me, stopping short to stare me down as he says it. “He’s the one I told you about.”

I freeze, taken off guard and wondering whether denial would be possible. I’m a terrible liar, and Raffa’s too smart and too stubborn to be swayed. Instead, I cave. He might be a reckless teen, but he’s been keeping secrets about his sister’s business for a very long time. I’ll pray he has the good sense to not rant and rave about it.

“I know.”

“You knew?” His voice breaks into a squeak. “And you didn’t say anything?”

“Raffa, it’s supposed to be a secret. Secrets don’t work when you go around telling everyone.”

“I’m not anyone,” he hisses. “I can’t believe this. Well, I can. Rut it all, I feel like an idiot! Of course he is!”

I sigh, staring out the window while Raffa has his revelations. There’s nothing but fuzzy stars flying by us outside, but the instinct to look out there while thinking of Kalla is too strong. He’s already a million miles away, heading straight into danger’s lap.

“It’s very important that you don’t tell anyone,” I say, turning to face him so that I can make it crystal clear how serious this is. “He’s been trying to keep his identity unknown.”

“I won’t tell a soul,” Raffa vows. “I can’t believe you’re the Ashbringer’s mate!”

“Get it out of your system now,” I sigh, “because when you leave this ship, you can’t speak of it.”

“Well, is it all true? The stories I told you?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask about that.”

“How come? What, don’t you talk to him?”

“Not about that,” I say.

“Oh right, you’re probably all,Ooh, you’re so strong!And then he goes,Your hair’s so pretty mwah mwah—” He mimics our voices with cartoonish high and low registers until I can’t help but snort with laughter while he’s making kissy noises. “Ugh, matehood is the most boring thing in the world. This is exactly why Rossa doesn’t keep mated crew or crew members that could ignite a bond for each other. It always gets in the way of what’s important.”

I shake my head. “I’m surprised, Raffa. I thought you knew your sister better than anyone.”

He makes a crinkled-up face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Rossa might joke about her reasons for having a single crew, but you know she’s a softie on the inside.”

“She is,” he sniffs. “And I don’t hold that against her. But what’s your point?”

“Your sister hates to see people suffer. They do dangerous work, put their lives on the line every day. She doesn’t want to take a partner from someone. She wouldn’t want to be responsible for that, just like she never wanted to be responsible for getting you hurt either.”

“You honestly think that?” His lips purse as he considers. “Could be… I’m not convinced, but sheisa giant pushover. It’s our best kept secret. You know, if I can keep my sister’s secret that she’s a pushover, then I can keep the Ashbringer’s identity a secret.”

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