Page 44 of Scandal

“I know, but the things I want you to do to me, I’m not going to be able to be quiet. So we can’t go to my dad’s.”

Swelling at the thought, I suddenly decide this is totally worth the risk.

***

Never driven so fast in my whole life. Good thing the cops around here don’t bother monitoring speeds. Not enough of them to sit around like that. Small town perks.

I have this weird feeling in my chest, at the thought of sleeping with Cam tonight. If I decide we should go all the way now. I don’t want to hurt him. Not that I’m worried about physically hurting him. I mean, I’ve seen the toys my guy plays with. He’ll be fine. But emotionally. If something happens and I relapse... how can I know when I’ve really changed?

Been strong lately. That much is for sure. Joy’s proud of me. But I just have the looming feeling like it’s all going to go to shit at any second. Maybe it’s just because things are so good right now. That’s what I’ve learned to expect... as soon as things get good, they go bad. Usually, it’s my fault they go bad.

When we get out of the car, we’re all over each other. Can’t help myself. Touching Cam is the only thing keeping me grounded right now. Got to stop every few feet to kiss him. Obscene sloppy kisses. My hands rubbing all over his body while the wind rustles the last few leaves from the trees.

“Why the fuck are you still here?” A voice cuts through the otherwise silent night. It could be directed at anyone, but I already know it’s for me.

I spin around and spot Zack, holding hands with Haley. They walk straight for us, and I pull Cam behind me instinctively. “What do you want, Browning?”

“What I want, is to know why the fuck you are still on this campus?”

“Because I’m a student here, and I’m walking my boyfriend home. Got a problem with that?”

“Xan—” Cam starts, but Zack cuts him off. “Not according to the lawsuit Whitmore was served.”

“What lawsuit?” I ask as I fight to keep my heartrate in check. To not appeared as rattled as I feel inside.

“For almost killing my girl. And for attacking me. You’re going to be expelled,” Zack spits the words. I look at Haley next to him, her eyes cast down to the ground.

“Funny, I don’t remember being on the field that day.”

“You were too busy hiding behind your computer.”

“I owned up to my role in that mess, but I do remember listening to you try to get my boyfriend to suck your dick. For that, I am not sorry. You deserved to be hit for that one, you sick fuck. Did he tell you that part, Haley?”

“Don’t you dare fucking talk to my girl.” Zack posts up, posturing so I can see just how big he is. Not that I give a fuck. Let him come at me. This time I know to let him swing first. We are close enough to the door that I know there are cameras out here, aiming right at this spot. I’ve checked their feed myself, a time or two.

“Xan,” Cam tugs at my arm. “Let’s just go back. Come on.”

The adrenaline pumping through me doesn’t want to let me turn and leave. I want to charge Browning right fucking now. Knock his ass to the ground. Show him what a tackle really feels like. But I listen to my guy. Let him pull me away.

“That’s right. Get the fuck out of my college,” Zack shouts after us.

I stop at Cam’s car, not ready to get back in yet. “You know about the lawsuit, don’t you?” It’s not a question, it’s an accusation.

Cam bites his frowning lips. “My dad said he’s figuring out our options.”

“Our options, ormyoptions? Fuck, I’m so sick of people deciding my options for me.” I don’t want to feel mad at Cam, but I do. In an instant, I feel lied to. Cheated. Like he is one of them. The administration who decides my fate. Who meddles in my life and leaves me out of it, only to tell me what I’ll be doing when it’s all settled.

I’m so pissed that all this bullshit will never end, I’m not even swayed by the sad puppy look on Cam’s face.

“You should go to your dorm tonight. I need space,” I say quickly, before I say something far worse.

Cam stands frozen in place, looking like I’ve punched him. Can’t look at him like that anymore, so I look at my shoes. “I’ve got to go.” I offer a final glance before I turn on my heel and walk away.

***

It takes me two hours to walk the six miles to the motel. There’s no fucking way I’d go back to President Parker’s spot. Not when he wasn’t even man enough to tell me about the lawsuit that wants me expelled. Wish I had my shit though. Especially my laptop. All I have with me is my phone. I’ll have to go there tomorrow and grab everything.

Tonight though, I need to plan for my future. It’s high time I get the fuck out of Whitmore. They’ve played me enough.

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