Page 33 of Scandal

“Might just take you up on that.” She winks. “No charge,” she adds while sliding me the bagel.

“You sure?” I question, not wanting to get her into trouble.

“Course I am. I’m Patti, by the way.”

“Xander. Nice to meet you.”

***

Joy has no idea I’ve been hunkered down in the library for five days. Since I usually take our video calls in the study room anyway, there’s nothing to tip her off. Still, I told her, even though it’s dominated thirty minutes of our call.

“Let’s go back to what you said a few minutes ago,” Joy pauses and looks down at her notes. It’s funny to me that somewhere in her home office is a stack of handwritten notes with the ramblings of a twenty-one-year-old fuck-up. “You mentioned you won’t take Cameron’s calls. Why is that?”

My heart aches at her question. Talking about Cam physically hurts. But I have to muscle through. “I was driving a wedge between him and his old man. I could see that much. He deserves better than that. Better than me.”

Joy gets that look on her face, like she’s about to correct me. “Ah, but that’s interesting, because the way I see it, you are being very selfless. And that’s a wonderful quality in a partner.”

“I don’t know the first thing about relationships,” I counter.

“Seems you do, Xander. You have a lot of insights about how to have a relationship, when it comes to Cameron. Perhaps I was wrong before, about not rushing things. In fact, you should be very proud of how you handled things with him.”

“But I told him off before, when I saw him with that guy.” I lean the chair back, wondering how she’ll twist that one.

She doesn’t miss a beat. “Jealousy is a normal emotion to have, when you care about someone. And it sounds like he forgave you. It’s okay to not be perfect.”

I hate when Joy says things like that, because she makes life sound so simple. So logical.

When I stay quiet, she pushes me again. “Do you think perhaps that Cameron should be his own judge, when it comes to deciding what works for him? Deciding what he wants?”

I lower my eyes to glower at her and she chuckles. “Does that mean I make a good point?”

“He doesn’t know what’s good for him.”

She tilts her head. “It seems only fair to let each person decide what is good for them.”

“That got me in trouble before,” I argue.

“With Jordan and her friends. Yes, that did get you in trouble. But you had different intentions then, didn’t you?”

I roll my eyes and Joy laughs again. “I’ll think about it. That’s the best I can promise.”

Cameron

“You at least won’t come by and hand out candy with me? It’s our tradition.” My dad has tracked me down in the computer science building, which is against our original agreement about talking in public while at Whitmore. In his three-piece suit and tie, he’s an imposing figure. I’m definitely getting a few stares as people pass by.

When my mouth stays firmly sealed, my face expressionless, his tone changes to one of irritation. “Cameron Parker, it has been three weeks of the silent treatment. When are you going to grow up?”

“Sorry if I’m the only one with principles.” I fold my arms across my chest and turn my head away, gazing at nothing in particular outside the big windows. The leaves are now mostly off the trees, blanketing the ground. It’s an overcast day, gray and gloomy, just like me.

“Principles?” he asks, a genuine tone of surprise in his voice.

I turn to face him. “Yes. I have principles. The first being, I listen to people. The second being, I believe people. The third being, I do not exploit people for personal gain.”

Dad scoffs and drops his voice to a harsh whisper, “Well, isn’t that rich. Doesn’t seem Xander can say the same. Not after what he did to those—”

He doesn’t finish his words, because at that very moment, Xander saunters down the hall at a casual pace, like he doesn’t have a care in the world. It breaks my fucking heart, because I’m all too aware of the heavy weight he carries.

Nayla told me he’s been camping out in the basement of the library. He’s effectively homeless. Homeless. Every time I think of it, I want to tear the world apart.

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