Page 21 of Scandal

Leaning back, so the front legs of the chair pop off the ground, I think it over. “Maybe that I want to do it again.”

She nods. “This is someone you could see yourself having a real relationship with.” It’s a statement, not a question.

“Would that be so terrible?” I question.

Her mouth turns into a sympathetic smile. “I don’t think it would be terrible for you to be in a stable relationship. Do you think you are ready for that?”

“Maybe. I haven’t had urges to hurt someone in a long time. Hundred nineteen days, but who’s counting.”

“That’s a lot of progress. You should be proud of that.”

I do feel proud. Not that I’ll say as much. But I think Joy knows, because I’m grinning like an idiot.

At her next words, my smile falls. “Let me ask you a question. Just a thought exercise.”

“Shoot.” I muster my best bravado.

“Why do you think it is you don’t have the urge to manipulate your roommate?”

I can’t help the laugh that breaks from my lips. Joy cocks an eyebrow.

“Sorry. It’s just, wait till you hear this...” I pause for dramatic effect.

Joy leans closer to the camera. “I’m all ears.”

“His dad is the president of my college.” There’s a silence for a few beats after this bombshell.

Joy shifts in her seat. She seems to be debating her next words. Her shoulders rise and fall. “You don’t think that will make him more tempting to you?”

My head shakes so hard, my brain jostles. “Not at all. That’s the kicker. I liked him even before I knew. And he’s not like anyone else I’ve ever met. He’s humble, and sincere. Says he doesn’t care whether he knows about what I’ve done in the past. He believes I’ve changed.”

“It must feel nice, having a clean slate like that,” Joy observes.

“It is.” I nod in agreement. “I couldn’t hurt Cam. Not for all the money in the world. Not for anything.”

“Do you think maybe, since Cam is a man, that might make you see him differently?”

My brow pinches. Differently from the other people I’ve fucked over? Different because they are women? Then I get her meaning. “My mom.”

Joy nods. “She really hurt you, by leaving you like that.” It’s something I don’t like to think about, how my mom left me when I was just five years alone. Abandoned me in our apartment. They found me sometime later. Don’t know how long I was alone for, just remember being very hungry once all the food ran out.

“Damn, Joy. We really made it in the Freudian territory today, didn’t we?” I say in an attempt to deflect from the heady emotions that are stirring inside.

She laughs lightly at my joke. “Just a thought. If your mother chased after fame and money, and you hurt women who were willing to do incredible things for fame and money, we have to wonder, don’t we?”

I reluctantly nod. I can’t possibly be that basic, can I? “Maybe. Maybe that’s why Cam is different.”

Joy offers me a smile. It feels a little forced. “I’m happy for you. Cam must be special if you respect him so much.”

“There’s a but coming,” I offer my prediction.

This time she genuinely smiles. “Not a but. Just a question. Something for you to think over.”

“Hit me.” I feel all my muscles clench in anticipation.

“I think you should decide what would be a good pace for this relationship.”

I fight my eyeroll. “Don’t rush it, in other words.”

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