Page 10 of Scandal

I wanted him to touch me, somewhere, anywhere. So I pushed my knee into his hand.Jesus. What the fuck must he be thinking about me right now? Must seem like a weirdo. But he liked it. He was such a good boy. He didn’t try to reach over and grope me. I wouldn’t have shown that same restraint in his shoes.

I want him to though, grope me, I mean. I’m still stunned by that thought. But I want Cameron to touch me. What does that mean?

Thank fuck the red alarm went off in my brain reminding me to stop. That one touch could send me down into a bad spiral again, get me kicked out of college, have my scholarship taken away, my connections to a respectable job severed. I’d be homeless then for sure.

After a few minutes back in my bed analyzing my thoughts and admonishing myself, Cameron leaps up from his bed. He’s always wearing these matching pajamas, like a little business suit for sleeping. They look soft.

He slips out the door and I hate that I’m bothered by his absence. He probably just went to the bathroom.

Or to get the R.A. and rat me out.

Before I can worry too long, he’s back with red cheeks, breathing a little heavy.What did my naughty boy do in the bathroom?Nope. That is foolish. He’s done nothing. He took a leak. Chill the fuck out, big guy.

I fumble for my ear pods and stuff them in my ears, flicking on a meditation video. By the end of it, I’m asleep. My ear pods are half out of my ear by the time I wake up in the morning.

Cameron’s already sitting at his desk, working on hunting for the problem in his code. I can see it from here, but I’d be a dick to say something. Or at least, I get the impression from Cam that he wouldn’t like me to say something about his mistakes. Maybe he would, how the fuck should I know?

When I get up and stretch, he turns to me. His expression goes straight to my dick. Got total fuck-me eyes. I’ve created a monster. But just to be clear, I’m the monster. Cam, on the other hand, is a casualty. He can only get hurt by me. That’s what I know how to do, and I don’t want to hurt people anymore.

“Grabbing breakfast,” I say, because I feel like I owe him some words. These aren’t the words I owe him, but it’s all I have to give.

“I’ll come with you.” He stands and grabs his phone off the desk, shoving it into his back pocket before his eyes meet mine. “Or, I can go later. No big deal.”

What expression am I making that’s got him saying that. “No, it’s cool,” I reply.It’s cool?Who am I? It’s not cool.Stay away from me. Don’t come near me. Don’t star in my dreams and give me any type of awakenings unless you want to feel humiliated and broken at the end of it.

After I throw on some gym shorts, a hoody, and slide-ins, I hold open the door to the hallway and Cameron walks by me. He smells… like a sunny day and citrus fruits… yup, this was a shit idea.

Cameron

“You’re staring at me in a really weird and unsettling way.” I seem to have found my confidence today. I’ve never seen Xander eat without Nayla. Every meal, she stops by our dorm to get him. So maybe that’s where my confidence is coming from. He’s finally broken his routine of being cold and distant, and I’m breaking mine of being shy and introverted.

“You have avocado on the corner of your mouth,” he says in a bored tone.

I wipe quickly with my napkin, but it comes away crisply white. “I did not,” I protest, and that causes Xander’s lip to curl up just the teeniest tiniest bit on the side. “You’re kind of a bully,” I say before taking another big bite of my avocado toast.

He shrugs. “Probably. You should want to stay away from me.”

My eyes fly to his. He’s staring a hole through me, and dammit, it somehow makes my heart flutter.No need to get excited, he doesn’t like you.Hell, he just told me to stay away. But for a guy who likes the ones with broken wings, that stuff is catnip. “Stay away?” I ask in a sultry tone. Apparently, I am all-out flirting with him now.Shesh. Rain in it, baby bird.

With a nod, he continues to push the eggs around his plate. “Yes. I’m not… I’m trouble, okay? I get people into trouble when they hang around me. So, just steer clear of me.”

A little laugh escapes my nose, and I drop my voice to a whisper, “You’re the one who approached me last night, in case you forgot.”

“Nothing happened,” he scoffs, as if I’ve somehow said something offensive. His eyes cast down to his plate. Why can’t he meet my gaze? Maybe he just doesn’t want to.

I’m about to open my mouth to ask why he did that last night, when he clenches the sides of his tray and stands up. “Shouldn’t have come here with you. Just do what I say. Stay away from me.”

“Psh. Okay,Dad.”

His eyes are on me, glaring once again. He looks like he wants to debate something, but instead he tightens his grip on his tray until his knuckles turn white. To my shock, he actually sits back down at the table.

I probably don’t need this kind of crazy in my life, even if it comes with an equally large dose of hotness. But still, I am glad he is still sitting with me. I’m just not connecting with anyone else I’ve met yet. Even the guys from the LGBTQ+ group.

After a few long, pretty-awkward moments of staring each other down, I decide enough is enough. He might have the social skills of an earthworm, but I don’t. I pride myself on being able to talk to anyone.

“Make any interesting codes this week?” That sounds pretty natural to me. Not a bad start at all. And it has the intended impact, because he looks at me and his face softens a little, like he is giving in. “Yeah, I suppose.”

“Well?” I prod, waiting for him to tell me. When he doesn’t, I add, “Don’t wait for me to tell you about anything interesting I’m making. I’m still just working through all the basic projects for class.”

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