Page 86 of The Hallows Queen

Hayden

By Friday,I’m growing restless.

I haven’t had a Xanax in four days, and my anxiety is getting so bad that I have scratch marks running up and down my arms. I’m shaking from morning to night, so hungry for a pill that it’s all I can think about. I’ve barely talked to my friends, and the last few nights I’ve avoided spending time with Penelope so she doesn’t have to deal with me like this.

I’m weak. Pathetic. So fucking depressed, I’ve considered driving my Maserati into the hard concrete of a building a few times.

I get through my first class period without any problems, but once I’m sitting in second period Calculus, my mind is racing. Numbers start to blur together, and I can’t get a grip on how to process any of the work laid out in front of me. My brain just won’t catch up. I can’t figure out what my own name is, and it’s making pure panic curl around my lungs and choke me.

Excusing myself to the bathroom, I stumble out into the hall. As soon as I’m out of sight, I fall against the wall and gasp for air, trying desperately to get some into my burning lungs.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I can’t fucking breathe.

I need a release. I need a fix. I need something.

I stumble all the way to the bathroom and lock myself in a stall, collapsing against the barrier that separates them. Banging my fists, I yell out in frustration.

Sliding my hands into the front pockets of my jeans, I dig around for nothing at all. I hope and pray I find a loose pill I’ve forgotten about, but end up with only my phone, wallet and keys.

“Goddamnit.” My eyes fill with moisture, and my back slides down against the metal until my ass hits the dirty floor. Banging my fists into the floor, tears stream down my face. “Goddamnit, goddamnit, goddamnit!”

I grab my phone and type out a text to Logan.

Me:

I need you to meet me in the bathroom.

She writes back immediately, like she’s playing on her phone in class or something.

Lo:

Which one?

I heave a sigh of relief that she doesn’t ask for any more information and direct her to the right bathroom. I lean my head back against the cold wall while I wait for her, and a minute later, her voice rings out in the quiet bathroom.

“Hayden?”

“In here,” I croak, flipping the lock on the door.

She pushes into the stall, closing and locking the door behind her, before she crouches down in front of me and places her hands on my face, wiping my tears. “What’s wrong?”

I chew my lip painfully. “I don’t fucking know, Lo.”

She stares at me for a minute, and I focus on the golden hue of her eyes, letting the safety of her presence calm me down a little, then she holds out a hand for me. “C’mon.”

“What?” I ask, looking up at her hand.

“We’re getting out of here. You have your keys?”

I nod, pointing to where I deposited them onto the floor next to me. “I left my backpack in Calc, though.”

“Who cares?” She shrugs, brushing her dark hair over her shoulder before she bends down and picks up my stuff. “We’ll be back before the end of the day. It’ll still be there.”

I laugh softly, slipping my hand in hers so she can help me to my feet. “We need to stop and grab some cigarettes, then.”

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