Page 84 of The Hallows Queen

I laugh, turning around in my chair to look at her. “You’re kidding.”

She shakes her head, her wrinkled face morphing with disgust as she pushes her chair back and stands up. “I’m going to get a coffee before they come and ruin my day, would you set up the lesson for today while I’m gone?”

“Sure thing.” I turn back to my computer, opening our shared calendar that lays out the lesson plan. Before she can leave, the door opens and pulls our attention. Hayden walks in, dressed in all black, with his hair a mess and black circles under his eyes. I bite onto my tongue to hold in the sigh that’s simmering in my chest.

“Mr. Monroe,” Barbara says, stepping up to him. “Something I can help you with?”

He shakes his head and holds some papers toward her that he has clutched in his hand. “I just wanted to turn in my paper. Sorry, it’s late.”

She sighs, stepping around him. “Just put it on my desk. Try to be on time next time.”

He gives a small nod, even as she’s pushing the door open and leaving, not paying him any attention, then he walks over to her desk to put the papers down. When the classroom door has clicked closed again, leaving us alone, he walks to my desk and stands behind the computer to look at me directly.

“I’m sorry about Friday.”

I suck my teeth. “Are you also sorry about disappearing all weekend?”

He taps his fingers on the top of my desk. “Yes.”

Looking up at him, I study his tired face, and find sadness behind his faded eyes. “Where were you?”

He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

I bite my top lip, my gaze not leaving his, feeling anger burning a hole in my gut. Taking a breath through my nose, I spend one more heartbeat just looking at him before I turn my attention to my computer screen. “See you in third period.”

“P…” he says, laying his hands flat on the surface of my desk. “Forgive me.”

“I can’t forgive you without the whole story. Since you’re not going to tell me what the fuck happened over the weekend, I have no reason to accept your fake ass apology.”

His hands curl into fists, and I finally give him my attention again. I blink a few times, and he takes a deep breath in. “You wanna know where I was? I was snorting so much coke, I didn’t remember you even existed. That’s where I was. Does that make you happy?”

My chest tightens at his admission, but I don’t show him my concern. Instead, I click my tongue. “Oh, yeah. I’m delighted.”

He takes a step back, his arms hanging at his sides. “Whatever.”

I wave a hand toward the door. “Go on, run away, little rich boy. It’s what you’re good at.”

He huffs a bitter laugh. “Fuck you.”

I laugh right back, looking at my computer screen so I don’t have to watch him walk out. When the door slams behind him, I let out a shaky breath and feel my eyes fill with tears. It hurts. Loving Hayden Monroe fucking hurts. Everything about him is sharp like a razor blade, and I’m not used to bleeding when he comes near me. When things are good, they’reperfect.But one tiny issue and we both detonate like bombs that spiral around and destroy all the goodness that our love has come to be. Maybe we’re both just too new to real love – but itshouldn’tbe this fucking painful.

I manage to collect myself by the time Barbara walks back in, but then I remember that she had asked me to prepare the class for the day. Jumping from my seat, I head for the white board to start writing facts about the Supreme Court.

She sits, and I focus.

It’s going to be a long fucking day.

* * *

I geta text from my mom during first period, giving me an update on my dad. There’s nothing new, he’s still dying – the cancer hasn’t spread more this week, but it’s still terminal. His doctors are saying he has a few months left, and he’s stopped all chemo and radiation because he wants to enjoy the last chunk of his life with us.

It feels as if he’s giving up, though, like he’s throwing in the towel. It’s hard to accept. I know that he knows best, since he has the mind that he does, and he knows when medicine stops being an option, but it still fucking sucks.

I feel drained and depressed all through the first half of the day, and the inevitability of seeing Hayden is like a bomb sitting in the pit of my stomach just waiting to go off.

When the bell rings dismissing second period, my chest fills with anxiety. I busy myself cleaning up from class, resetting the lesson and preparing for the next group of students. I feel him before I see him, like a magnet pulling me into his orbit, and turn around to look at him.

He’s half asleep, walking slowly to his desk in the back of the room, and when he drops down in his seat, he meets my eyes with a pair of bloodshot ones.

---