Page 18 of The Hallows Queen

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The black beamsscattered around the work of art that is my house are vibrating from the new speaker system Carson got me for my birthday, and all the expensive shit lining my walls is likely going to fall off and smash.

I almost hope it does.

I’ve consumed my weight in liquor, and I’m sitting on one of the white leather sectionals in my living room with some girl rolling her hips in my lap. I can’t remember her name – I don’t know if I ever knew it to begin with. She’s starting to irritate me, dancing to whatever music is playing and grinding her hips against my crotch, trying to get a reaction from me. I’m too fucked up to react, and my cock is definitely not getting hard.

I take a drag off the blunt in my right hand, using my left to wave Levi over once I catch his eye from across the room.

He has some brunette following him around – Carrie or Harley or Haley, maybe. She’s been his shadow for a couple of weeks. Only when we’re fucked up, though.

Levi crosses the room and drops down on the couch next to me, not paying any mind to the girl on my lap, and takes the blunt from my fingers when I pass it to him.

Logan and Carson already went upstairs, which is their normal move a couple of hours into a party. So the time for me to kick all these fucking people out of my house is approaching fast. The constanthappy birthdays are starting to piss me off, like any of these fucks are here for any other reason besides the booze and free range to act like idiots without parents.

My house has become the party spot this summer. I guess it’s my fault for kicking off the first one, but sometimes it’s fucking annoying. Some weekends, I just want to be alone, go out, and act like a prick instead of entertaining a bunch of teenagers.

I’m not like them. Most of them have never had trauma to taint them. Which is great – for them.

I can act like a fool with the kids from school, but my tastes are different. I’d rather spend an evening alone than playing beer pong with a bunch of jocks and cheerleaders, maybe get lost between some random woman’s thighs, and then never call her again just to be a dick. You won’t find me walking hand in hand with my high school sweetheart; I have no appetite for romance.

Everyone in high school is so coupled-up, when they could be using their time for much more productive things.

I made my way through every girl who was worth my attention pretty quickly at Luxington High, then the guys, and realized I’ll probably never be able to care about any of them. I tried, at least.

Carson says I’m not capable of falling in love, that I’ll never be able to settle down because I can’t put anyone before myself. He’s wrong, though, that isn’t the reason I can’t fall in love. It’s because my soul is fucked up.

Logan disagrees with him, says I’m going to love when I’m ready, like one day I’ll meet someone who changes everything. I think she’s full of shit. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to hand over my heart to anyone. Why would anyone want someone so dark and broken anyways?

I think I’m destined to be alone forever, fucking my way through everyone I meet until I die.

Levi smacks me on the shoulder, making my head fall to the side to look at him. He’s holding the blunt toward me, and I wonder how long I’ve been sitting here, oblivious to the outside world. I laugh as I take it, realizing that the girl that was on my lap is now gone.

“You good?” Levi asks, sitting back and putting his arms behind his head.

I blow smoke out in a big cloud. “Really fucked up.”

My mind is vibrating at the edges, so I drop my eyes closed to get the room to stop shaking. Too much weed mixed with too much alcohol mixed with music that’s too loud. I hold the blunt in Levi’s direction, hoping he grabs it before my arm gives out and I drop it.

My entire body is numb, just the way I like it, but I can feel the weed starting to birth anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Once Levi has grabbed the blunt, I clear my throat and kick my legs out to try to get comfortable. Taking a deep breath, I keep my eyes closed and focus on the heaviness of my limbs to remind myself they’re still there, hoping my mind calms down.

The music is starting to trigger me, all the different beats blending together with the people around me talking, turning into a buzzing noise that makes my head spin. I want to reach into my skull and scratch my brain, the intense itch of anxiety becoming uncontrollable. I’m afraid my eyes might roll back, and my throat feels like it’s swelling and getting tighter. I’m dying for some fresh air.

I lean into Levi, looking at him through hooded eyes. “I’m gonna sneak outta here. You good to cover for me if Lo comes down?”

His brows pull down a little like he’s concerned, but he holds his hand out for me to grab anyway. “I got you.”

Gripping his hand for a moment before I stand up, I nod at him in thanks before I stumble for the front door.

I pat my pockets for my keys, phone, and wallet, and push past the group of people in the entry. The fresh air hits me hard when I push the door open, cutting through the fog in my mind. Once I slam the door behind me, cutting off the majority of the noise from the party, I fall against it and take a deep breath in until my lungs feel like they might explode.

The clean oxygen eases my nerves a little, so I take a few more deep breaths in and out before I pull my keys from my pocket.

My legs shake as I head for my Maserati, even though they’re still numb, but I manage to pull the door open and fall into the driver’s seat. Once I feel confident enough that I can tell the difference between the gas and brake pedals, I crank the engine.

I turn off the stereo as soon as my car is humming, needing the silence to keep my mind clear.

Rolling all four windows down, I shake my head to bring myself back to planet earth, then throw my car into drive. My tires screech against the clean concrete of my driveway when I peel out, and once I’m through the gate and onto the street, I slam my foot down on the pedal to speed through my neighborhood.

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