Page 138 of The Hallows Queen

He looks up at me, his dark eyes glittering as he reaches for my hand to squeeze. “I didn’t want there to be any confusion about who owns me.”

“Hayden,” I breathe, my entire body tingling. “You’re fucking crazy.”

He slides his thumb over my knuckles. “Crazy for you, and that’s not going to change.”

I graze my hand up my face and put it on my forehead. “Oh my god, you’re going to kill me.”

Leaning down, I get a closer look at the tattoo, reading my name over and over again as I breathe in his familiar scent, then I dip my head forward and kiss it. He stiffens, his breath catching in his throat as my lips move across the entire word, and when I pull back and straighten out, his eyes have dropped closed.

A moment passes, then he stands up quickly and slides his hand into my hair before his lips find mine. I moan without meaning to, melting against his mouth as we kiss, and then I force myself to pull back. My head spins, his lips having felt like coming home and rushing into a thunderstorm all at once.

“Hayden,” I say softly, squeezing my eyes shut as he breathes against my mouth. “Go back to California.”

“Not without you,” he whispers, tightening his fingers in my hair.

I step back, opening my eyes, and his hands fall from my hair. When his gaze finds mine, I see him break, andgoddamnit, it fucking hurts so bad. My eyes fill with moisture, so I blink back the tears. Clearing my throat, I take another step away. “I’ll get your server.”

He shakes his head, his mouth dropping open as he exhales sharply. It looks like he’s going to start crying, but he runs his hand down his face before he does. Clearing his throat, he sits down and looks at the menu, his fingers playing with the edge of the paper. He’s silent, and I stand there watching him, wondering if this will be the moment I see the old Hayden again. Maybe I’ve finally pushed him over the edge.

The thought splinters through me in agonizing waves, so I sit down opposite him and grab his hand. “I’m sorry.”

He looks up at me, pain circling in his eyes. “For what?”

“Making you feel like this.” I slide my fingertip over the tattoos on his knuckles one by one like I used to in intimate moments.

“I don’t know what to do, P,” he breathes, and I lift my gaze to his. “Being without you, it’s fucking killing me. Being here, in Luxington, where everything was dark for me, it’s hard. But I can’t walk away… I can’t.”

My heart pounds in my chest. “I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry. Tell me you’ll take the risk –tell me it’s fucking worth it,like you did all those years ago.”

Removing my hand from his, I feel a tear slip down my cheek. “I can’t.”

I stand up and walk away from him before I have the chance to change my mind, before I show him how broken I am by the two little words. I want to be strong, I want to stick to my choice on this – because I’m not sure if taking the risk on Hayden Monroeisworth it this time.

* * *

I hideout in the kitchen for the rest of my shift, and when I go back out into the dining area, Hayden is gone.

Disappointment washes over me, unsettling me, because part of me was hoping he would still be waiting for me at the table I put him at earlier. Deep down, I think I want him to keep fighting, I just can’t admit it. My entire drive home, I’m thinking about how selfish it makes me that I want him to keep going through this.

As soon as I walk through the door, I pour myself a large glass of wine and sit down on the rug in my living room, my back against the couch. I don’t bother turning on the TV, putting my phone on the table in front of me. If I’m going to figure this all out, I need to do it silently and without anything distracting me. I know I at least owe him that.

I’ve never known Hayden to beg for anything, and I know that’s why I’m even considering letting him get close again. Maybe hehaschanged; I just need to take the leap into the cold water and risk my heart again, and that’s what’s so fucking hard.

Five years ago, he came crashing into my life, and I haven’t been the same since.

But what if that isn’t a good thing? What if I was meant for more – a life with my dream career, a family, happiness. Would I have ever been able to have any of that with the Hayden I fell in love with? My high school student?

I’m getting lost in the thoughts of the first time we met, when my phone buzzes on the table, pulling me from the memory. Grabbing it, I see I’ve gotten a text from an unsaved number.

Unsaved number:

Penelope, I’m not sure if you remember me… This is Logan Briar, Hayden’s friend… Do you have a moment to talk?

My heart pounds under my ribs, and I type back quickly.

Me:

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