Page 116 of The Hallows Queen

I sigh, finding his eyes again. I hate the part of me that still lights up for him, especially since it’s been dark since he left, like he took a slice of my heart with him and it isn’t until now that he’s let me have it back.

“Fine.” I wave a hand. “Lead the way.”

The restaurant is a block from the main beach, so I close my car door and follow behind him as he walks down the sidewalk.

Why am I doing this? What will I gain from this? More pain?

I hear the ocean before I see it, and the sound makes me feel sick. I haven’t been out here in years, I haven’t wanted to. It was always something that reminded me of either my parents or Hayden, and those aren’t topics I like to dig up.

Hayden kicks off his shoes once we hit the sand, then holds out a hand for me to use for balance so I can take mine off too. I don’t dare touch him; instead, I just keep walking, my shoes filling with sand as I go.

He sighs, but follows after me.

When we’re about ten feet from the water, I sit down in the soft sand before it turns shelly and damp, and he sits beside me.

The only noise to fill space is from the waves crashing in front of us, and the sound starts to make me feel emotional and scared. It’s too much, too familiar, toous.

“Why are you back here, Hayden?” I ask, looking out at the water.

“My dad is in the hospital.”

My stomach hurts, bad memories of my own return to Luxington five years ago pulsing through me. I press my fingers to my lips. “I don’t know if I should apologize or not.”

He chuckles, letting sand fall between his fingers playfully. “Me either.”

I want to ask him if he’s okay, if he needs anything, if I can do anything to help – but I don’t. I’m not that Penelope anymore, and he isn’t that Hayden. It isn’t my place to care about him.

“Tell me about your fiancé,” he says, and I can feel him looking at the side of my face.

Shaking my head, I sigh. “If you brought me here to fight, I’m going to leave now.”

“Am I starting a fight?” he asks, tilting his head in my peripheral. “I’m just asking about your life, P.”

“Don’t call me that,” I whisper, pressing my eyes closed.

He doesn’t say anything else, and when the silence becomes too much, I start talking again.

“His name is Gavin, he’s thirty-three, he works in real estate, we met a few years ago.”

“And you’re happy?” Hayden asks, his voice filled with emotion.

I run my fingers along the sand next to me, thinking over his question. When I finally answer, even I believe the words I’m saying. “As happy as I can be.”

“What does that mean?”

I chuckle. “I don’t think someone who’s been put through all that I have can ever really be happy. I’m just kind of… existing now.”

“I’m sorry,” he breathes, putting a hand down next to mine in the sand, but he doesn’t reach for me. “I’m so fucking sorry for everything that I did.”

My eyes well with tears, and I blink them back as I look the opposite way. “I know. I got your messages.”

“You never responded.”

“I didn’t have anything to say.” I shrug, looking at him finally.

“I regret what I did to you every day. I wish I could take it all back,” he whispers, his eyes locked with mine, nothing but sincerity shining through them. “I loved you so fucking much, I just didn’t know how to. I broke everything I touched back then.”

I look away again, not wanting to see him while he’s being so open and vulnerable.

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