Page 49 of The Wicked

“I don’t think it counts at all.”

“Really? In that case, I’ve only had sex two times. Also, I’m never doing it on a velvet couch again. Leather’s the way to go.”

“Duly noted. Dare I ask about the third time?”

“I thought it would be better, you know? We took things slowly. The whole second base, third base, whatever. He used to do this thing with his tongue that felt like…like he was stroking my lady parts with a dead fish, and then he asked if I was enjoying it. Are you meant to lie in that situation?”

“Not if you want it to get any better.”

“Oh, crap.”

“You lied?”

“Just a tiny bit? I panicked and told him it made me see stars, and he asked which ones, and that was how I learned he was into astom…astrom…”

“Astronomy?”

“Exactly. He had a telescope on his roof.”

“So, which stars did you see?”

“With the tongue thing? I didn’t know a whole lot about stars, so I told him the Big Dipper, which I thought was okay, but I guess it wasn’t because after we had the actual sex, like, a week later—also bad, by the way—I saw him kissing a blonde woman at a party thatI organised. They snuck into the bathroom between the main course and dessert.”

“Did you spit in his dessert?”

“Ladies don’t spit. I scraped the chocolate crumb off the top and replaced it with dirt from the parking lot.” A truck came toward us, and its headlights highlighted the planes of Charming’s face. I reached out to stroke his cheek. “You’re so pretty. I bet you’ve had sex a lot more than two and a half times. I mean two times. Are you sure the thigh thing doesn’t count?”

“I’m certain.”

“Should I be disappointed?”

“No.”

“Okay. Good. Hey, is this thing still hard?” I reached for his crotch, and wow, it was. “Is that normal?”

He spoke through gritted teeth. “No, it’s not normal.”

“Maybe you should see a doctor?”

“Fuck my life,” he muttered, then lifted my hand back onto my thigh. “Not tonight, Cinderella.”

“Well, obviously. What doctor is going to be working at this time? Uh, what time is it?”

“Twelve thirty.”

“At least I didn’t lose any shoes today, huh?” I leaned over to double-check, and that made my head spin again. “Nope, both still there.”

“What a relief.”

“Are you annoyed? Did you know that when you’re annoyed, you sound a tiny bit British?”

“Probably because I went to college in England.”

“Wow, really? I didn’t go to college at all. One of my cousins tried going to college, but he dropped out, and now he’s in jail, so I think that maybe it’s overrated? Do you think it’s overrated?”

“It depends on what you want out of life. What do you want out of life, Sara?”

“I…I used to think I knew, but every time I make a plan, it ends up in the toilet, so now I’m just going to live for the moment. Isn’t that what you told me to do? Live for the moment?”

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