My work was done.
Ace thanked me and jumped right back onto the Zoom call I had waltzed in on. Our goodbye was short and trivial.
Was I doing the right thing?
Had I made the correct decision?
His bright eyes seemed to have lost all their sparkle.
I imagined I didn’t look much different, but I was still resolutely convinced that my choice had been the right one.
45
STELLA
The next day
Can you remember a time when you were little and worried that there might be a monster living under your bed? I could. More specifically, I recalled worrying about the monster and simultaneously being too scared to look under my bed to find out whether it was there.
That was the same feeling I had as I stared at the white plastic wand resting on my sink’s rim.
The pharmacist had said the results would be compromised if I didn’t follow directions, and it would take about three minutes for the results to appear. I unlocked my phone screen to check the time and realized the three minutes were now over.
I stowed my phone in my pocket and gulped.
Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I took a small step forward. I wrapped my hand around the piece of plastic and held it face-up in my palm. Scared as I was, I couldn’t bring myself to peer down at it. I felt queasy, but that was nothing new. Feeling nauseous was exactly the reason why the pharmacist had recommended I bring home this anxiety-fuel.
I was sure I’d be sick, so I sat down on the toilet and placed the white wand on my lap.
Three. Two. One.
My eyes caught the screen. It displayed a big fat plus.
Oh, no.I’m pregnant.
My first thought was, “not possible,” but then I remembered… Ace hadn’t had protection when he’d visited me the day Damon had confronted him about us. He had warned me he didn’t have protection, and that “we” didn’t want a kid, and I had told him that it wasn’t my fertile days. So much for being reckless and trusting an app.
I wanted to throw the pregnancy test halfway across the room and run away, but I knew this wasn’t something I could run away from.
What was I going to do?
My hand found my stomach, and I tried to imagine the little life forming in there. “Who will you be?” I asked aloud. “And why on earth did your timing have to be so bad, little one?”
Leaning against my cold bathroom wall, I tried to stop myself from hyperventilating. The beautiful woman and her baby I had met in the elevator at work came to mind. She’d looked so composed and so calm—unlike me. I wondered whether she had been terrified when she’d found out she was expecting—maybe it was just a normal thing—or whether I felt terrified because my life was the opposite of structured and promising.
And what was Ace going to say? What if he didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby? He wanted to keep me a secret—would he want to keep the baby a secret too? I tried not to think about it, but I knew I’d have to tell him. My brother’s reaction would be even worse. It would just confirm his suspicions. Oh, he’d be so furious, and my pregnancy would end up ruining both his friendship with Ace and his plans with the merger—despite me having broken up with Ace partly in an attempt to try to stop that from happening.
I wanted to cry, but the tears didn’t come. Part of me was happy too, and I supposed that stopped the floodgates from opening. The woman’s baby had reminded me how much I wanted one of my own someday, and now I would have it. Sure, the circumstances were crushing, but I knew it would all be worth it when I held my own infant in my arms.
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I lifted my hand from my stomach, retrieved it from my pocket, and unlocked its screen.
Bonnie:Guess who just bought a Gucci handbag on sale?
I smiled at her message. Typical Bonnie.
Me:Umm…No idea. LOL
Bonnie:LOL! This bitch! Come visit, and I’ll show it to you. Pictures don’t do it justice.