Page 29 of Sin With Me

Kon’s thick beard shifts as he clenches his jaw. “I didn’t ask if I was invited,” he shoots back. “I asked where you’re going.”

“Since you’re not invited, you don’t need to know.” Chase’s smile is wide as he goads him.

I barely listen to them argue as I shove past Kon and head down the hallway toward the bathroom in the back to wash up. Their voices carry through the empty shop, Chase’s cackle loud and manic. I push open the door, letting out a long breath as it clicks shut, blocking their voices completely.

Do I really want to go to this stupid party?

Even though alcohol isn’t the problem it used to be for me anymore, I still don’t love being around it. I won’t give in to it again—never.

I’m not him, I remind myself.

I am not my father.

But reminders of home have come up too much tonight. First with Iris’ tattoo, then Chase’s fucking comments, and now my father has weaseled his way into my mind. I need to do something to avoid spiraling. Again.

I should go to the gym. I should tell Chase to go to this fucking party by himself.

I shift my shoulders again, wanting to claw the shirt on my back to shreds—wanting to claw the flesh beneath to shreds.

He knows I hate hanging around his dumb football friends—I left that life behind a long time ago and the idea of going back to it gives me a migraine. Unless it’s an influencer party. Fuck. I hope it’s not an influencer party. They’re worse than the eternal frat boys.

Turning the water on, I cup it in my hand and splash it over my face. With a deep breath, I brace my hands on the edge of the counter, my fingers digging into the granite. My head stays bowed as I breathe through every image flashing through my mind.

Eve with flowers woven in her golden, curly hair, the sunlight a halo around her.

Eve smiling at me.

Eve’s soft, lilting laugh floating through the house.

Eve’s blue eyes shining in the sunset reflecting off the lake.

Then him.

My father’s brutal face overtakes the memories of her, dimming them, and reminding me of who she chose. She chose to stay there, with him.

The usual pain and rage boil in my chest at the reminder. She chose him. She chose him over me.

My eyes squeeze tighter as I try to shut them out—shut her out. But I can’t. Tonight, she’s too strong. He’s too strong. I feel my past barreling toward me, and I’m helpless to do anything but brace for impact.

I force myself to remember that place, Divinity Falls, isn’t my home. It never was. I always felt like an outsider—not with her, a little voice in my head says. She didn’t make you feel like an outsider.

As if on cue, my eyes drop to my tattooed knuckles without permission.

Home.

The counter creaks as I clutch it harder.

This is my home now—Mammoth is my home. Deliverance Tattoo is my home. Kon is my family. Chase is my family.

Eve and Isaac. Divinity Falls.

They’re nothing.

Slowly, I pry my eyes open and stare at my reflection in the vintage, cracked mirror. My hazel eyes are shadowed, and there are deep bluish-purple marks under them. It feels like no matter how much sleep I get, how much water Chase forces me to drink, those marks remain, a permanent reminder of my past. Of what I did to myself.

I shove my hand through my shaggy black hair, and watch as it falls back in place, covering my forehead but leaving the upside down cross tattooed underneath my left eye visible. Stubble is forming across my tan skin and I run my hand along it. I had a beard once. But that was when I was in the pits of Hell, barely able to make a coherent sentence, much less take a fucking razor to my face.

But I’m different now. I’m not the same as I was.

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